Today, I was putting on a concert in my car. I was jamming out to My Chemical Romance’s “Helena” and pumping my fists. My mouth was open wide to hit all the high notes, and I was trying desperately to sing along to the lyrics.
Well, I guess I was putting on quite the show because the old, white man in front of me gave me the finger.
I guess he thought I was yelling at him? Or maybe he didn’t like my music. Or one thousand other reasons he maybe mistook the situation.
So, even though it still makes me irrationally angry because in my mind, I did nothing wrong, it pays to remember that things aren’t always what they seem, just like the objects in a car mirror are closer than they seem.
Maybe I was doing something wrong. Or maybe he was cranky.
All I know is that reality is messy. Don’t jump the gun to the wrong conclusions.
If you met me in person, you would notice how quiet and shy I can be.
But in reality, I’m loud. I mean, LOUD.
I eat loud, I type loud, I laugh loud. I’m a loud person.
But I’ve been trying to live my whole life quietly. Not to take up too much space. Not talking until spoken to. Being reserved became a way of life for me.
So, I’m finally embracing being loud. And you should too. Because living out loud is what you were meant to do. You weren’t made to sit in a corner and whisper. You were meant to stand up and shout.
So, don’t hold back. Especially around me.
TURN IT UP TO 11!
You’ve been there. You buy guacamole or an avocado, and you turn away from it for a second, and it’s already gone brown.
So, if you’re like me, you use as MUCH guacamole as you can on one thing so that you don’t have to throw out the whole container at one time. Which you leaves you with a mountain of avocado on whatever you’re eating.
And so tonight, while I was eating my mountain of guacamole, I tried to think about what else is as ephemeral as avocado. It’s like the night-blooming cereus of the fruit world!
And I realized that the metaphor I was grasping for is that avocados are as ephemeral as life. So, you should always live with full flavor and like you’re going to be no good tomorrow. You should use every spoonful even if you’re already full.
Because life is nothing but short and delicious.
Do you ever feel like you’re repeating yourself?
I do. All the time. Especially on this blog. I’m so scared I’ll write the same blog post twice, make the same joke again, spout the same wisdom.
Hey, in 500 posts, you can’t help but repeat yourself once in awhile, right?
But at the same time, I don’t worry about it. Because it just means my brain is running down the same path, ready to embrace and understand something in a new light. It’s like reading a book more than once; you get something different every time you read it. You just have to think that you’re in the same place for a different reason. That you’re there to learn something else that you passed by once before.
So, forgive me, if I repeat myself. My only desire is to beat you over the head with a topic until it gets through your thick skull.
Or I’ve completely forgotten that I’ve done it before. Either or.
To use an overused metaphor, life is like a marathon.
It’s long, it’s grueling, and you’re surrounded by strangers.
But don’t worry, it’s not all bad – you’re also running.
But what you definitely shouldn’t do in life and in running a marathon is compare yourself to others.
You’re you. And there’s no one quite like you. So instead of falling down a hole of why is she running faster than me? why is he skinnier than me? am I falling behind? Trust that you are going on the journey that fits you. Trust that you are where you’re supposed to be. And trust, that everyone around you, for some reason or another, is cheering you on.
So, keep going. Don’t look back. And don’t compare yourself to others. Oh, and don’t trip.
Save it for a rainy day…
If you were waiting, or putting off something, for a rainy day, well, here’s your sign.
It’s plenty rainy on the East Coast right now, so I’m taking this opportunity to extend you the same courtesy.
If you’ve been waiting to do something, like cleaning something out, or getting your finances in order, or just relaxing, take some time to do it today.
You never know when you’ll have time again, or if you even will.
I think of flaws as a big hole right in the center of you, somewhere between your heart and your stomach. And it’s sort of like a black hole, a vacuum, it’s just sucking in everything around it until you can’t breathe, and all you know is your failings. So, to stop the feeling, you plug it up and fill it with anything you can. Which is usually just assurances that you’ll do better next time.
But you shouldn’t see your flaws as something to plug or to smooth out. Your edges are made jagged, like a puzzle piece to fit into something larger. So, the negative spaces are really just where you fit in better.
You should see your flaws as part of you, just like your heart or your stomach. And embrace them as best that you can. Because at the end of the day, it’s you and all that stuff stuck in your head. You have to come to terms with it sometime.
I do feel like there are followers, and there are leaders in this world.
But me? I’d be really good at being a peasant.
No, really. I’m very good at groveling, I’ve almost always had no money to speak of, and from chickens to ducks, I’ve taken care of all kinds of farm animals. I’m meek and shy around authority; I’m a peasant!
But being a peasant and being treated like one are two very different things. And I prefer to treat myself like a queen. Which in turn is how I want others to treat me.
Okay, maybe not a queen, eating grapes from people’s outstretched hands and being fanned with palms, but you get it.
You should always remind yourself of your royalty status. Even when you feel so low in the dirt that you could be a peasant.
You’re made of stardust. And that’s enough to be king or queen in my book.
Every night, when I write my blog, my husband, my partner, sits next to me on the couch and asks me what I’m writing. Inevitably, when I don’t answer, he says in a falsetto, “are you writing about how much you love your husband?” And I inevitably laugh and tell him no.
Well, tonight, my husband is not next to me on the couch. He is down in the basement snaking a drain so that we don’t have to pay an exorbitant amount of money to stop our basement from flooding.
And I couldn’t appreciate him more. I couldn’t be prouder of his can-do attitude. And even though he is cursing a blue streak at the moment, I am glad to call him my partner.
And friendly reminder, we all have partners in this life. It doesn’t have to be a romantic partner; it could be a best friend, or your mom and dad, or your roommate. It’s just someone who knows you and can be there for you when you get down, or for when you need to make a really big decision, or when your pipe gets clogged and you need to snake it.
So, Tim, here’s your post. I’m finally writing about how much I love you. And how much is that you might ask? Well, at the risk of losing followers over this mushy stuff, I can tell you that it’s quite a lot. Much more than the 75 feet that snake has.
Okay, everyone. It’s the end of January. And if you haven’t fallen off of your resolutions horse yet, I bet you’re thinking about it.
I know I am.
I came across this great quote, “nothing changes if nothing changes” and I can’t stop thinking about how true it is. If you don’t change, then your situation doesn’t change either.
Or along the same lines, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Change starts with you. You don’t even necessarily have to want change before you have it. You just have to start.