How I Lost My Nerdiness (And Then Found It Again)

It may not surprise you that I was a total, complete and utter nerd in high school. Actually, you should know that most writers/bloggers/artists are nerds. And that isn’t a bad thing. Just because popular culture likes to portray nerds with glasses and suspenders (which I have), doesn’t mean nerds are totally uncool.

Okay, so we are uncool. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t special in our own way.

Luckily, in recent years, nerds have been championed. Some people have started to think of nerds in a new light, or as we have always seen ourselves; as deeply passionate about particular subjects. And after all, passion is what makes us all feel as if life is worth the ancillary struggles.

In high school, I reached the zenith of my nerdiness. I loved things and people with hopeless abandon. I wore my favorite television characters on my t-shirts, and I consumed countless books on the weekends. I talked primarily in movie quotes, and referenced the obscure. If people couldn’t relate to my specific interests, I didn’t mind. As long as they had their own passions to feed off of, which is how I started to hang out with many other nerds, I was okay with that.

As a result of my nerd status, I was excited to go to college. I would be pursuing my writing, while simultaneously having the opportunity to meet people who possibly shared my interests (or so the Orientation Leaders told me.)

But, there’s one problem with nerds. They are typically shy. So, I didn’t meet any right away. And with the piles of papers that I did have coupled with the piles of money that I didn’t pressing on my mind, I slipped out of my nerd suit. I pushed my passions aside, and took up concrete calculations. How many papers were due tomorrow + how much time I could sleep = productivity. How many friends I could keep + how many would allow me to continue to be myself in their presence = no social life.

Thankfully, I finally met some friends who reminded me why I originally loved the things that I loved.

Then, came senior year. I had to finish two theses in the time that most people write one. Again, my love of writing turned into a platonic relationship. One that often left me wanting something more at the end of the night, but rendered me immobile in my own bed without sleep as a passing visitor. Sadly, even after I finished my theses, I was afraid to take up writing again. I kept wondering what someone would say about my work, or who would be judging my work for its authenticity and merit. Even now, I am reluctant to write. My writing spirit had been broken, and it’s still healing. Occasionally, I’m afraid that I have lost my touch, or that I will write badly, or fail.

However, this blog has been therapy for me. It allows me to write for me, although even that concept is wrong. Writing is hardly ever for yourself. It brings people joy and sorrow, and that’s the beauty of it. The problem is people hide their writing and passions because they are afraid to be rejected. But this is a selfish act. If you have a talent, if you have a love for something, you are hurting the world by keeping it from people.

So, I’m a nerd. I love fairies and fantasy. I love Doctor Who. I will never lose the nerd in me. And neither will you. Being an adult doesn’t mean you need to be maturity in a pencil skirt. You can always let your nerd out to play once in awhile, while still being the responsible adult that you are today. Actually, that will be the only thing that will keep you sane.

I mean, if you want to be sane in the first place. I find that people react surprisingly well to insanity.

At any rate, Nerd On.

For added fun, see where the term “nerd” comes from

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