Long Live Shark Week

I’ve spared you all from a horrible fate.

You see, I was going to rant about the sanctity of shark week and how it has turned into nothing more than a second “spring break” where women paint great whites on their chests and scream the Jaws theme song. I mean, I love “Bob” the shark as much as the next girl, but is shark week slipping? Last night I watched a man tickle sharks’ noses to put them in a catatonic state. Where is the science!?

As a shark week veteran, I know that the average white shark is anywhere from 13 feet-16 feet long and that a bull shark once swam into freshwater and wreaked havoc in a small New Jersey town at the turn of the century. I know how to avoid a shark attack, and I can even remember who is going to die and who is going to live in almost every shark attack they show during the week.

I know my sharks. So, why haven’t I learned anything this week? Where’s the “discovery”? Do I really have to watch semi-famous people don chain mail suit after chain mail suit just to sit at the bottom of the ocean in a tropical location to see how hard a reef shark can bite them?

I guess I will have to. Because I won’t stop watching shark week. Ever. As long as they have it, I will sit down and watch it. I love everything about these majestic, absolutely horrifying fish. Maybe my fear has simply turned into fascination over the years. But I refuse to smear shark week’s name in mud (or blood.) So, I wrote a few sharky haikus because I love poetry just as much as I love sharks. I hope you enjoy them.

Great Whites

“They aren’t that great,”

said the tiger shark to his

meal, “they were just first.”

 

Big Fish

He told me it was

huge but couldn’t show me with

only the one hand.

 

Sharp

Your teeth are razors

your skin can make wallets but

you’re a big softy.

 

Personalized Shark Attacks

Red water? Can I

get this flesh wound in something

that matches my eyes?

 

Dead Eyes

Your eyes have a dead

look to them but I see the

future of our seas.

FIN. (GET IT?) 

Long live the shark. Long live shark week.