Life is Not a Survey

On a scale of 1 to 5, how likely are you to throw out this survey? If you were to rate your dissatisfaction with this survey on a scale, would 10 be enough to capture your frustration?

We’ve all been there. Checking off boxes while trying to fit your personality into those boxes. (Am I a forest person or a beach person when I’m at rest?) Being asked questions that you don’t even know yourself. (How do I feel about lunar moths?)

So, why does everyone live their life as if they were filling out a survey? Oh, passions? I only have passions that can fit in this 250 character box. No! You have more than one passion and that’s okay. Stop living your life like you need to pursue your one and only passion in life, and if you don’t you will be a failure. Anyone who has ever succeeded at something has not made their life revolve around that one thing. For instance, plenty of successful writers have had other passions. Mostly alcohol and loose women, but you get the picture.

And why does everyone hand out their life decisions in survey form? Should I do this? Will this make you upset? What do you think? Are you somewhat satisfied with our friendship? Not at all satisfied? WHO CARES. Do what it is that moves you. Do not ask for permission. Do not poll the audience. The right people will come along for the ride. And you can live without their opinion of you. I promise.

And finally, as much as your future employers would like you to believe this, your personality or aptitude cannot be ascertained through a static survey. You are a living, breathing piece of art. Just because they can identify the medium in which you painted yourself does not mean that they know you. You won’t know how well you play with others until you try.

In the end, don’t let yourself stumble on the questions of life. If you look hard enough, you will find that you had the answers the whole time.


If anyone tells you that you don’t have yours in order, then they’ve never had priorities before.

(Of course, I obviously don’t have mine in order because I did not post over the weekend like I said I would. I would say that I’m sorry, but I’m sure everyone has lost faith in me and does not believe a word that comes out of my lying mouth. But I am sorry.)

But like I said. People who say you need to have your priorities in order have never had them. Maybe the saying should go something like, you need to wrangle your priorities into order. Because priorities are like wild stallions. Or like really ornery sled dogs. If they didn’t have their harnesses on, they would continue to jockey for position.

And really, how do you order your priorities when they are constantly changing? How much weight do you give everything? How do you expect me to choose between this and this? And this and this? What if I make the wrong decision? Uhm…okay, I’m just going to take a nap.

The truth is it’s hard sometimes. What feels good isn’t always going to be good down the road. And what’s comfortable will leave you lazy and regretful. The worst is when everything seems incredibly clear just to be muddied by a recent storm.

And I’m sorry that I can’t be more decisive for you. I can’t tell you what to do. I can’t even tell you what not to do. Because that’s for you to decide. But remember that everything should be flexible. If work/school needs to take a backseat to your mental health, then it should. If family needs to take the first spot then it should. If you need to focus on your work and block everyone out, you should. You shouldn’t list your priorities on ruled paper because that limits you. But you shouldn’t let others dictate what you should be doing either.

But you should also know that you are going to mess up. You are going to see something as important that could have been put on the back burner. You are going to forget something that was really important. Not because you are stupid or forgetful. You are human, and your perspective is your own. And you’re going to need to trust that what you’re doing is right at that exact moment.

So, you need to push yourself, of course. And you need to be gentle to yourself, of course. Because they call it a “happy” medium for a reason.

10 Thoughts Everyone Has at the Gym

If you’re anything like me, you really have to push yourself in order to make it to the gym a few nights a week. Okay, scratch that. If you are human, you probably have to yell at yourself so that you make it to the gym a few nights a week.

And now that we have that in common, I’m sure we probably think the same thoughts when we’re there. After all, gym minds think alike. Or is it great minds?

10. Okay, I’m here. I need to make it worth my while. 

-Of course, within five minutes of me being there I am already calculating how long it will be before I can leave. Okay, these people watched me walk in 15 minutes ago. Will they judge me if they are on the same machine when I am leaving? Man, I don’t care. I’m tired.

9. Seriously. You are going to work out on the machine NEXT  to me?

-I’m all like, Helloooooo? There are about 5 open machines next to me, and you want to work out alongside me? Can’t you observe the one seat rule? You know, in the movie theater, when there’s enough seats, you leave one open between you and the person next to you? OH. Oh, now you want to race? Okay, well beat a 15 minute mile, buddy. I don’t care that you’re twice my age, eat my dust before you BECOME dust, you feel me?

8. Why are you running so fast? You’re making us all look bad.

No, but seriously. Are you some kind of superhero? There’s no reason to run that fast. I don’t even think a murderer could catch you. Wait, you’ve been running at that pace for the last three hours? What do you think you’re doing being that good? What’s your running playlist like? Did you just start at the first Harry Potter audiobook and go from there? No, but really. Teach me your ways.

7. Maybe if I watch television, I won’t notice how long I’ve been running for.

Hmmm, I have to watch something that I like, though. Let’s see, no, no, Fox news oh god no, no, no, no Real Housewives, hmm. Oh, look, Tomb Raider is on. Okay, I guess I could watch this for another mile or so. Oh wow. I don’t remember Angelina Jolie being this bad of an actress…or not wearing a bra. Who cares? She’s still gorgeous. Ugh, I will never look like her. Note to self: never let my boyfriend watch this movie alone. 

6. Wait, what is that? How do you work out on it?

Wait, is that a rope? Hanging from the ceiling? Oh, god, flashbacks to gym class, circa the nineties. And what’s that? Is that a bouncey ball? We all know where that’s going to go: under my butt as I bounce around the room! Oh, what is this other ball that’s really heavy? Oooh, I don’t like this one as much…Give me the fun one, the bouncey one.

5. Whoa, Blue Steel. Is it necessary to stare at yourself when you work out?

Look, I’m really sorry that I had to break the spell by walking between you and the mirror. But, uh, the way that you are staring at yourself is making ME uncomfortable. And I’m a third party. Take that somewhere else. Preferably, back home. You can do all the staring and working out you want there.

4. What are YOU doing here? You’re beautiful.

Sure, I know that you won’t stay that way if you don’t maintain your perfect, flawless–OH WHO CARES. You’re beautiful. You don’t need to be here. You can go home because I wish you were my body double. No one needs that kind of motivation. It hurts. And I’m not talking about the workout.

3. This is it. This is the end of my life. I’m going to die.

I … can’t…breathe. Why…did…I…set…the…incline…to…5…my…heart…is…like…a….volcano….with alka seltzer…in it.This….is…it. ….I want…everyone….to…work…out…in my honor when…I …die….no. …At my funeral! …Yes…everyone….gets…a fit bit at…my funeral……you…get a fit bit….and you…get a fit bit…

2. Maybe if I work out twice as hard, I won’t have to come tomorrow?

And maybe if I didn’t eat two cookies after every meal, I wouldn’t be here right now. Oh, well. Might as well accept my fate. Okay, let’s see. I’ll probably go home and make myself a hot chocolate, so that’s about 200 calories. But I had a salad for lunch, so that’s like, negative calories, right? So, I can get off of here in another 5 minutes. Yeah. That sounds right. I knew it would all balance out.

1. Stretch? Cool down?

Hahahhahahahaha. Nah. I’m out of here. See you tomorrow.

So, maybe you don’t have the exact thoughts I do at the gym. Actually, I hope you don’t. I think too much. But I hope you got a good laugh out of these.

Actually, I hope you laughed so hard that you worked out those abs of yours. Look! Now, you don’t even need to go to the gym at all! You’re welcome.

Gullible Is Written in the Title of This Blog Post

No, really. I’m not trying to fool you.

But unfortunately, everyone else is.

I mean, we say that the battle (or balance) of good and evil governs the entire world.

But that isn’t the real problem. How the world is actually divided is between gullible people and the people that take advantage, or in some cases look out for, said gullible people. (And I don’t have to tell you who has the upper hand, most times.)

The gullible people are the ones who genuinely believe that people look out for each other and that when push comes to shove, everyone will hold the door open for them, even when they are 20 feet away. The non-gullible people have more of an edge to them, and they will likely poke things with a stick before they make a decision about anything.

But let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with being EITHER type of person. But like I said, if you are the former instead of the latter, you may be sort of surprised by how people can take advantage of your “good” nature. At the same time, if you are the latter, you are going to be sort of surprised about how absolutely trusting some people can be, about how they have managed to stay alive so long, why someone hasn’t kidnapped them off the street.

All I am saying is that we need both kinds of people for this world to function. We need the non-gullibles to look out for their counterparts. And we need the gullible people to show others how to believe in each other when absolutely necessary.

No doubt you can tell which one I am. And I am constantly struggling between the two, trying to stop eating out of people’s hands, trying to get out of the way if they move to slap me. But the point is, I have to be who I am.

So, I am going to keep looking up at the ceiling, looking for the word gullible there. But I am really hoping that someone steps in before I get too much of a crick in my neck.

The New MidLife Crisis

Sadly, we live in a youth-obsessed culture. And yet, we are often being told to grow up. To be a proper adult, we need to be able to afford an apartment payment and student loans, but we are also told to enjoy our freedom as young adults while it lasts, before we have a mortgage payment and children.


It seems, that somewhere along the line, we got our signals crossed. This results in many twenty-somethings trying to balance a fully active lifestyle (social life included) while still trying  to juggle the responsibilities of someone twice their age. Think of a toddler playing dress-up in Mommy’s closet, high-heels on her too small feet. Get the picture?

So, what does this all mean? It means that many millienials right now are experiencing a midlife crisis… only about 1/3 of the way into their life. They are questioning their futures, lamenting the end of their lives (if only the lives they lived in college), and making extravagant, selfish purchases.

And do you know what I say? Do it. Have your midlife crisis, and eat some cake, too.

Because your twenties are about two things: making memories and making mistakes. You can’t do either if you are diligently tucking away each cent you make from your job. You should live a little. Just don’t empty your bank account doing it.

Of course, saving or paying for a place to live is smart (especially if your parents aren’t down with you trying to renovate the basement into your “man cave”), but you will begin to resent the money you are making if you do not use it to enrich yourself spiritually and emotionally rather than physically.

Like money, time is meant to be spent, not squandered away. And sadly, once it is gone, it is gone for good. So, spend each of these wisely but generously, and you will have no regrets when your time (and your money) is up.

I’m Sorry

No, I’m really sorry. I decided to start my vacation early last week, which meant no blog posts for you guys.

And I’m sorry to report that there will be no blog post tonight. I’m a little under the weather.

However! I will make it up to you by blogging through the week and the weekend. That’s right! Weekend blog posts!

So, see you tomorrow! And…the rest of the week, hopefully.