Month: September 2015

Change Happens

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

Listen. I’m excited for pumpkin lattes, pumpkin pie, and pumpkin pumpkins (aka fall) as much as the next girl on social media. But does anyone else have the strange sense that we were just eating hotdogs and watching fireworks at our Fourth of July celebrations a couple of days ago? I mean, where did the summer go? It’s like I remember a long heat wave and then it all just goes blank…

And it’s in this strange amnesia that I walk around and notice that people are talking about how they can’t wait for it to be cold, and how they can already feel the crunch of leaves underfoot. (Underfeet??) And still, I’m all like, hold up! We have almost an entire month until that all happens. Why are you showing summer the door when she’s been (relatively) kind to you?

And alright, I admit it, I’m just not ready. I’m not ready for apple cider, and seeing my own breath, and mittens, and trees that look like they’ve been lit on fire, and trying desperately (but failing) to come up with a Halloween costume that doubles as social commentary. I was pretty sure that I could fight against the fall tide for a while, just a couple more weeks.

Until I saw it driving home the other day.

“It” was a small tree, maybe a few years post-sapling, standing quite proudly on the exit ramp. One little corner of her leaves had turned completely red and gold while the rest stayed as verdant as they had been in spring. It was like she was just a tiny bit embarrassed and had just started to blush.

And I thought, Not you too! It’s not even cold! 

But it made me realize something very quickly: change happens. No, really. You may not be ready for it. You may not even think that it should be happening. I surely didn’t think it was time for the leaves on the trees to start changing colors. But there it was, inarguable and steadfast, truly defying whatever internal clock I had been synced to. Change happens, whether you are ready or not. Whether you think it should or not. Whether you want it to or not. Even for that little tree. And especially for you.

So, whether it’s a change in the weather or a change in your life, you need to remember that change is inevitable. But whether you embrace it or resist it will always be up to you.

Like No One is Watching; Like Everyone is Watching

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

Here’s a paradox for you: We feel the most secluded from the world when we’re in our cars, and yet we are surrounded by windows. Maybe you’ve gotten into your car and tried balancing your checkbook or have taken a selfie…with the whole world watching. (At least the entire parking lot.) You’ll notice pretty quickly that there’s always an audience.

And then, we’ve all had a time where we’ve stepped into our car, turned the key in the ignition, and blasted our favorite song from the radio. We’re feeling good, and most importantly, we’re alone. So, it feels like the perfect time to transform into the best karaoke-singing, high-note hitting, grooving and moving, actor or actress in a music video.

And I have to agree it does feel good.

I truly don’t know what comes over me on my ride home, but I find myself uncontrollably belting out my favorite songs. And you know what? I try to make sure the windows are rolled down to get the full effect of it all. (You know, so my hair can whip around and go in my mouth, and I can choke a little bit on the chorus).

But there’s something else that I’ve been doing rather subconsciously on my rides home besides singing along to my favorite tunes: I’ve been turning down the music when I pull up to a stop light. Actually, I shut it down altogether. And for what? So that the person in the car next to me doesn’t confuse my singing with a cat dying? So that the person in the car next to me doesn’t find out that I have no shame when it comes to Shakira? So that the person in the car next to me isn’t annoyed while we’re both waiting for the light to change?

Why? Because we’re all supposed to “dance like no one’s watching,” right? It’s been beaten into our brains that we need to act “normal” when other people are around. We can’t let anyone else see how we act when we’re really alone. Essentially, we can never be ourselves because it’s “embarrassing.” Even when we’re in the relative privacy of our cars. And sometimes, even when we’re in the relative privacy of our own lives.

Because that’s the point. No matter where you are, you’re waiting for someone to watch you or judge you, consciously or subconsciously. Even if you don’t realize it, you may be turning down the dial on yourself only to accommodate someone else.

And do you know what I say to that? Act like no one is watching, so you can be truly you. And act like everyone is watching because it doesn’t matter if they are.

You can have it both ways. And at the end of the day, you’ll wonder why you ever thought you couldn’t.

Hello and Hey

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

I have not one, but two stories to tell you tonight. Keep in mind that both of these events happened over the course of one day (aka today) and both are true.

Here’s the first one:

There’s an older gentleman who runs in my neighborhood. I’m not sure how old he is specifically, but let’s say that he was probably able to vote for President Truman. (And in case you’re not likely to do the math, that’s pretty old.) Yet, I sometimes see him running twice a day and in every kind of weather. And he has time to say hello. Living in the time that we all do, I don’t always get a “hello” from anyone. Actually, I don’t even get the little wave when I let someone driving go before me. A “hello” is about as rare as finding a $20 bill in the mall parking lot. So, imagine my surprise when I’m going out to my car this morning, and I hear such a quiet, little “hello” from the man always running down my less than quiet street. I returned the “hello” and walked back in the house, grinning from the kind start to my day.

Here’s the second one:

I like to take walks with my mom at night. We walk a good distance through the neighborhood. We see a lot of people coming home, taking out the trash, turning on sprinklers. And we also see people speeding. We feel cars whiz by us, and the sidewalk always feels too narrow. But we make do, walking side by side, keeping away from the road. That is, until tonight, when some bro screamed “HEY” at us from his buddy’s car. I clutched my invisible pearls and jumped a little into the air. I looked up to glare at the passing car and heard both occupants chuckling as they sped away, gaining what, I don’t know, from scaring two women (as if men don’t do that all day, every day!). I was silently fuming the entire way home.

Now, as a reminder, both of these events happened in one day, today. One “Hello” and one “Hey.” But such different messages. One made me believe in karma and one made me wish for it.

For me, it’s hard to reconcile these events. How can people be so nice and so cruel in the same span of time?

And then I realized what I was confronted with: a physical embodiment of the human condition.

In short, there are going to be people who will go out of their way to be nice. And then there are going to be people who will think it’s funny to torture complete strangers. And sometimes, both reactions are going to come from the same person (although I would argue that what separates both people in this case is maturity).

But that’s what humans are. We’re this swirling mass of impulses, both good and bad. We have the I should say hello instinct, and we also have the let’s scream “hey” at these people instinct. One will always win out. Thankfully, both probably won’t win out in a single day in two different people, like they did to me. But maybe they’ll fight the same battle in you.

And as much as you can, try to feed the “hello” impulse. I, and your neighborhood, will thank you.

A Teeny, Tiny Yes

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

Sometimes, it’s hard to make decisions. (Okay, pretty much all of the time.) Even when the hardest decision of your day is choosing what to eat for dinner, it can stump you. Well, I don’t want pizza because I had cheese last week, but if I try to cook something at home, it’ll be nothing short of a Chopped competition to put together all of the ingredients I have left over from last night…

So, what do you do? You ask for advice. Or shake a Magic 8 ball. Or flip a coin. And suddenly, the onus is not on you. You don’t have to worry about making a decision anymore because it is up to another person, toy-making skills in the 80’s, or fate itself. You’re like, I’m so glad I made the “Wheel of Food” where I just spin the wheel and out comes the menu choice! Chinese, again! Yes! I have high blood pressure and pork fried rice!

But the problem is that you quite literally lose control of your life when you leave it up to something or someone else to make your decisions for you. Because that’s all life really is in the end, the times you made a choice. Who you’ll date, where you’ll live, if you’ll go to the gym at all. Even the teeniest, tiniest yes to something can set you on the path to something great. Even the littlest, quietest no to something can carve out your place in the world. And if someone else is telling you what to do, if someone else is making the choices for you, can you even it call it your life?

So, yeah, it’s really hard to make some of the big decisions. You think, I need to talk to my elders. They’ll have more experience with choosing what to eat for dinner, and so, they’re wiser than I. But the fact is that they’re not living your life. Which makes you the only expert in that department, and thus, the only person who should be able to answer that question with any semblance of confidence.

Don’t complicate things. Just breathe, reach down inside, and pull out your decision. Whatever you choose, even if it is just a guess, will be better than any informed decision from anyone else.