All Apologies

I didn’t write a novel last year.

I haven’t written a blog post for two months.

I’m not even sure anyone is here to read this anymore. Not even crickets.

I mean, you know how people can be. If it isn’t right in front of their noses, then they don’t know it is there. Although, to be fair, I wasn’t actually there, either. So, touche.

Of course, I could totally understand how some people would forget about little ol’ me. Especially because I took a nose dive off the writing deep end when I unsuccessfully tried to write a novel and then wallowed in self despair and sadness until the holiday season roared forward and sent me spiraling into a cookie-fueled sugar high, followed by a second, nastier crash.

And a huge part of me wants to apologize for that. I want to apologize for abandoning this blog wholeheartedly because it really wasn’t the best decision (or even the second best). I want to apologize for leaving my readers hanging. Sure, I may have enjoyed the first week where I could go to bed at a decent hour and not have to stare at a computer screen for more than eight hours, but after that first couple of days, I felt hollow. I felt unfulfilled because I wasn’t expressing myself on a (quite literally) daily basis. I felt creatively constipated, which made me very cranky and emotionally gassy.

So, here I am. (Mostly because I couldn’t stay away.) And I’m not saying this won’t happen again (this third best decision). I can’t promise you that November won’t roll around and I won’t leave blogging for novel writing again. (My hope is that I’ll simply be editing my novel by then, not drafting it.) And I’m certainly not going to adhere to my own blog’s name all of the time (maybe it’s time to change it to bailey bi-monthly?).

But I’m also not here to apologize. Because last year feels like just that–last year. It’s over. It’s done. And while it wasn’t fair to all of you to desert this blog, it was the most unfair to me. Which is why I think I’ve punished myself enough. And why I need to try again.

So, if you’ll have me and my tired jokes back, then I’m back. Simple as that.