I don’t like talking. Period. I typically keep my head down, literally and figuratively, when someone strikes up a conversation.
But as I was just walking around my neighborhood, a really nice woman hailed me from her front lawn. She struck up a conversation. And I was stuck.
I don’t even know what I said to her; it was all a blur.
All I can say was that it was a very pleasant conversation, and she was an extremely nice lady. I almost didn’t want to keep walking; she just had that air that she was someone I wanted to talk to.
That was probably my first conversation with a stranger since quarantine started.
And I needed it. And she probably needed it.
So, during this difficult time, remember that people need to feel less lonely. Even for a minute. So, even if you are a hardcore introvert like me, just try to be brave and say hello. Everyone’s isolated, but they don’t need to feel that way.
When I was in high school (shudder), I sang in the choir. I had grown up singing because of the plays I did in middle school. But if truth be told, I am not a great singer, and I am nowhere near as good as my sister.
So, when I went to high school, I wanted to be in drama again, but all my school would do was musicals, and I didn’t think I was a strong enough singer to compete. So, I joined the choir. A mass of voices instead of one. (And it would bring me closer to my then-boyfriend now-husband because he also really liked to sing.)
All through high school I would go to my boyfriend’s plays and cheer him on but the whole time I wanted to be up there with him, trying my hand at being an actress (which I’ve wanted to be since I was very little.)
And the end of my story is kinda sad. I never did drama in high school, and it totally fell by the way side, even though I went to all the plays.
All of that to say: In a lot of ways in life, we hold ourselves back for what we truly want to do in life. Scared of what it will make us feel, when we should be focusing on what joy it will bring to our lives.
Don’t ever sing in the choir when you were meant to star in the show. I know that now, and I am trying to live my life accordingly.
Writing a blog isn’t as glamorous as you might think.
(If you think it’s glamorous at all, that is).
And I have to admit, most days I have a blank space where my post should be. I just can’t think of anything to write and it gets really frustrating.
So I stare out the window, or I do dishes, or I read, or I do just about anything else to help jog my brain.
I’ve trained my brain to write “dailey” for a few years now so I do eventually come up with something.
But I want to let you know that if something isn’t working for you right now, it doesn’t mean you won’t get to it. It’s okay to have a blank space or page where your next idea, or solution, or question should be.
Blankness is where everyone begins.
So, I’m a little down today so I put on make-up to make me feel like I was going somewhere, even when the only place I am going is down to the office to write this.
But as I was putting on my winged eyeliner, which I love so much, I started to think about what I was doing.
Everyone does their winged eyeliner differently. I’ve seen Amy Winehouse wings and I’ve seen eensy teensy wings. I’ve seen thick black and I’ve seen thin lines. I’ve seen it done with eyeshadow and I’ve seen it done with a pencil and I’ve seen it done with liquid.
And it made me really happy: the fact that all these women (and yes, men) can put on their winged eyeliner in different ways. And still feel beautiful at the end of it. Including me.
If you’re not feeling pretty, try your own winged eyeliner, but try it your way.
In “Colors of the Wind” by Disney’s Pocahontas, she sings, “We are all connected to each other, in a circle, in a hoop, that never ends.”
And despite the movie not getting literally anything right beyond that, I’d like to say that this line is too true.
I think our lives are circles. Like ripples on a pond, never-ending and never touching the one before it. I think time is a circle, where there is constant pressure to repeat ourselves.
But I think one other thing exists in a circle: happiness. I think happiness comes in a circle because there’s always a time when you’re happy and there’s always a time when you’re not. And like a wheel, it just spins in equal measure. Everything balances out. The time you are happy is equal to the time that you are not. At the end of your life, you can see this clearly but it’s a little hard to see when you’re staring at the circle up close.
So, if you’re unhappy right now, just wait for the circle to turn. It will. And you will be free to be happy again in a little while.