I hate to do this in the middle of a week, but it has come to my cosmic attention that I am spreading myself way too thin.
As I’m working toward #pitchwars in September, I think it would be best if I took a break until October 1st.
Thank you in advance for your understanding.
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself in the meantime.
P.S. I know, I know. I said this time would be different and I wouldn’t let you guys down. I’m sorry.
P.P.S. Like really sorry.
Over the weekend, I got a pretty bad sunburn. And it’s the time of year, at least in North America, for almost everyone to get one.
It’s awful – your skin is painful and you get the chills because your body is radiating heat.
Once someone sees you with a sunburn, they know instinctively that feeling of pain and uncomfortableness.
But what about people who carry around pain all day, every day, that people can’t see or don’t know how to relate to?
Sunburn may be painful, but it is really nothing when compared to the battles we fight everyday on the inside.
Be kind. Everyone is dealing with sunburn…on their soul.
Listen, I’ve been there. Waiting for results from all my hard work. Hoping to see a yes or a pound lost.
But have you looked at a plant lately?
When they grow a new leaf, it is small. If you don’t look closely, you might miss it. And then it grows, a little each day, until it’s fully formed.
Remember, you are a growing thing, and you grow in the same way as plants.
A little at a time, but beautifully.
I made a playlist this evening. I used to make all kinds of playlists all the time, and I would burn them to CDs and then drive around and listen to them, singing along.
So, it felt good, even though I hadn’t done it in awhile. Even though I lost track of time. Even though I didn’t get started on all the chores and responsibilities that I should have been doing while I was making it.
And sometimes, just sometimes, you need to do things because you want to do them. If you think about it, everyone just does what someone else tells them they have to do, all day long. They rarely do things that they want to do. For the hell of it.
So, do things for the hell of it, once in awhile. Make a playlist and jam out.
I’ll be right there with you.
When I say, “be productive” what do you think of?
When I say it, I think of that Thursday that I cleaned and vacuumed my whole house after work. Or when I spent quarantine writing a book I’ve had in my head for years.
What I don’t think of is this past weekend where I mostly stayed on the couch to watch Hamilton to my heart’s content.
But no matter what you think of, I’m just here to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay to experience productivity in spurts or waves. Not everyone is the Energizer Bunny, revving up to take chores down.
And if you can’t rest until everything is taken care of, that’s okay too.
All I’m saying is it’s okay to be you, at whatever energy level feels right.
Today wasn’t a shining moment in my history.
I made an error, and I got really mad at myself for making it.
But the thing is, I already felt bad about the error. And then, on top of that, I was angry about making it.
But this is like when someone kicks when you’re down. Or beating a dead horse. Or insert your own violent metaphor here.
It doesn’t do anything to pile on the blame on yourself when you already feel bad. It actually hurts the situation because then you’ll feel like you can’t do anything right and you become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Take a deep breath. Learn from your mistakes. And move on.
Oh, and having a really supportive partner doesn’t hurt things either.
Does it feel like for anyone else that someone opened Pandora’s box in 2020 and everything flew out? Like we should put everything in a box having to do with 2020 and just push it off a cliff and start over?
Well, to me it has. It feels like I’m boxing up emotions, old memories and shipping them out.
Because despite what they will say about 2020, hope was still left in that box.
I see it on people’s faces during the protests. I see it in people’s eyes, above their masks.
It’s there. All you have to do is look for it.
I think I’ve rewritten this blog post three different times.
I can’t seem to find the words today. But what I like about blog writing is what I like about living.
There’s always a chance to start over.
From minute to minute, you are a changing person with differing views as you take in new information. It’s okay if you change with the flow too.
Don’t hold yourself back and don’t hold yourself in. Rewrite your story as many times as you like until it’s something you well…like.
My dog was abused before she came to us and even after a month of spoiling, she’s still a little skittish.
So I consider it a real win when I pet her and she closes her eyes in delight. It feels so good that she can’t help but trust me and go to sleep.
Sometimes, I think we just need to do what feels good to us. Like eating chocolate every once in awhile. Or going to sleep early or late. Or watching a movie or show just because we like it.
Close your eyes and think about something that makes you close your eyes and relish. Then go do that thing.
Life can be short and sweet if we still have a mind to do what we want every once in awhile.
We’ve all done a lot of waiting lately.
Waiting for things to open up, waiting for justice to be served, waiting for our year, our world to be better.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
And I’m sick of waiting, sure. But that doesn’t mean I will stop taking care of myself, speaking out, and generally trying to make a better life.
But it does teach us once critical lesson: patience.
Even when the sun is shining and the weather is good, even when the conditions are right and everyone’s paying attention, even when it was “supposed” to be a good year.
It doesn’t mean that we won’t still wait for what’s to come.
But the best things (I hope) come to those who wait.