When you’re in school, you get spoon-fed knowledge while you are just sitting here. Study, take a test, repeat. Day in and day out.
But when you’re an adult you have to work for it. Look up a Wikipedia article, read, and fall down a rabbit hole of information that you have to yank yourself out of. And that’s only a couple of hours of learning.
And that’s if what you’re doing has a Wikipedia article for it. Otherwise, it’s the old tried and true method of making a mistake and learning from it next time.
I made a lot of mistakes today. I was busy, and I wasn’t slowing down. But instead of being down on it and beating myself up over it, I’ve realized that when you’re busy, and you make a mistake, it means you’re having a day of learning. Just like when you were in school. And for me, I’d do anything to feel like I was back in school.
So, don’t forget to take some time to learn while you’re busy. Because if you’re doing nothing at all, you’re not making mistakes, and you’re not learning.
I started a new job, got engaged to my long-term boyfriend, and Friday is my birthday.
Guess I’m getting my life in order, huh? Looks like I’m settling in and settling down. Adulthood, and everything.
More like “yeah right.”
I haven’t been busier or more worried about the future. There’s so much to consider, and everything is in flux. I have calls to make and flowers to arrange. I have birthday cake and wedding cake to taste. I’m looking forward to the weekend at the same time that I don’t want to grow older.
So, I tell myself, It’ll calm down. And then I can start figuring things out. Things will settle down, and then so will I.
Which is what I told my mom last night when we started talking about arrangements. And she classically rebutted, “But it won’t ever settle down.”
And I opened my mouth and then promptly shut it. Because she’s right. I’ve been saying this same thing for weeks upon weeks upon weeks: when this weekend is over, I’ll be able to take some time for myself. And I don’t have to tell you what happens when that weekend ends and another one begins.
So, the point tonight is really incredibly simple: you are not going to settle down to settle down. You have to go with the flow, even when the flow is really going. And if you think you should wait until you’re ready to do anything in life, then you’ll be waiting your whole life.
If anyone tells you that you don’t have yours in order, then they’ve never had priorities before.
(Of course, I obviously don’t have mine in order because I did not post over the weekend like I said I would. I would say that I’m sorry, but I’m sure everyone has lost faith in me and does not believe a word that comes out of my lying mouth. But I am sorry.)
But like I said. People who say you need to have your priorities in order have never had them. Maybe the saying should go something like, you need to wrangle your priorities into order. Because priorities are like wild stallions. Or like really ornery sled dogs. If they didn’t have their harnesses on, they would continue to jockey for position.
And really, how do you order your priorities when they are constantly changing? How much weight do you give everything? How do you expect me to choose between this and this? And this and this? What if I make the wrong decision? Uhm…okay, I’m just going to take a nap.
The truth is it’s hard sometimes. What feels good isn’t always going to be good down the road. And what’s comfortable will leave you lazy and regretful. The worst is when everything seems incredibly clear just to be muddied by a recent storm.
And I’m sorry that I can’t be more decisive for you. I can’t tell you what to do. I can’t even tell you what not to do. Because that’s for you to decide. But remember that everything should be flexible. If work/school needs to take a backseat to your mental health, then it should. If family needs to take the first spot then it should. If you need to focus on your work and block everyone out, you should. You shouldn’t list your priorities on ruled paper because that limits you. But you shouldn’t let others dictate what you should be doing either.
But you should also know that you are going to mess up. You are going to see something as important that could have been put on the back burner. You are going to forget something that was really important. Not because you are stupid or forgetful. You are human, and your perspective is your own. And you’re going to need to trust that what you’re doing is right at that exact moment.
So, you need to push yourself, of course. And you need to be gentle to yourself, of course. Because they call it a “happy” medium for a reason.