Tag: emotions

Miserable

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Today’s weather was miserable. It had strong winds and a dousing rain. It was cloudy, it was muddy, and it was most definitely wet.

And so I was a bit miserable too. It’s a Monday, it’s rainy, and it’s just another reason to stay inside (as if I needed one).

But today was also a reminder that whatever you’re feeling right now about the quarantine, about social distancing, and about the virus, you can and should be feeling it.

You can be sad, disappointed, mad, tired, frustrated, relaxed, grateful, anything!

If you’re feeling it, then it’s a valid feeling.

So, if you are going to take today to be miserable, like me, then have at it!

All feelings are good. And no one should tell you how to feel.

Love,

Bailey

Where You Feel

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Did you ever notice…

…that you feel sadness in your throat? That feeling when you’re about to cry?

That you feel anger in your chest? That your lungs constrict and it’s hard to breathe?

That you feel fear in your gut? That you get nauseous with every moment closer?

And that you feel happiness, well, everywhere?

I’ve noticed that. And I can’t help but feel that our bodies aren’t getting the credit they deserve.

So, remember your body and all that it can do for you every day and every night. Not just in what you feel but your other senses too. You usually only appreciate things when they’re gone, but you should appreciate your body always – especially when it allows you to cry, get angry, feel afraid, and enjoy happiness.

Love,

Bailey

Hahaha

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Listen.

I know life is hard sometimes. Actually, most of the time. Ok, ok. 90% of the time.

But do you know what you need to do? No, not eat a spoonful of sugar, or sip water through a paper towel, or take a nap.

You need a good belly laugh. You need your sense of humor. You need a bright side.

If you’ve run out of options, then laugh. If you’ve taken a long look at yourself and you want to cry, try laughing. Try telling yourself a joke.

Like this one:

What do you call a wet baby owl?

A moist owlet.

Or this one:

What do you call fake spaghetti?

Impasta.

And so on. Until you’re laughing again. Until you’re smiling again. Until the world doesn’t seem so bad anymore.

Laughter. It’s more than the best medicine. It’s a way of life.

Fill Your Cup

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I saw this awesome quote this weekend: “you can’t fill someone else up if your cup is empty.” And while this isn’t a new theme that I’m bringing to baileydailey, I think it bears repeating (and repeating and repeating.)

You can’t help others if you don’t help yourself. So take time out at least one day a week to do absolutely nothing or something for yourself.

And if you really have a hard time rationalizing that “selfish” action, think of the cup. Tell yourself that it’s your duty — to everyone else. (Sometimes that’s the only way I can do it.)

So, fill your cup. If only to drain it again.

Treat Yourself (Well)

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

Treating yourself is really tempting.

After all, you do a lot of stuff during the day that needs rewarding.

I had a phone call today and my voice didn't crack!

I ordered salad instead of a donut!

I made it through the day without yelling at anyone!

And it's really nice to take yourself out to eat. Or buy yourself something. Or just run a bubble bath. Treat yourself.

But this can turn into a vicious cycle. You have to go out to eat to make up for the day you had. You have to treat yourself, because you've been good all week.

The problem stems from not taking care of yourself well. If you just took the time in small moments to take care of yourself, you wouldn't have to treat yourself in such a big way.

So treat yourself well, and you won't have to treat yourself as often.

Sometimes being kind to yourself isn't all that kind.

Be Curious! 

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I had a HUGE revelation today. 

I’m all about pursuing your passions. All for it. 

Except when it comes to quitting your day job. 

I know, I know. Big risk, big reward. But there’s something keeping you back from starting all over and pursuing your passion isn’t there? (Yes, Bailey. It’s my crippling student debt.) Okay, fair. 

But ask yourself — is your passion something you LIKE to do? Or are you truly interested and curious about it?

Because that’s what keeps me back from writing full time. One, because I love my blog and I don’t want to hate it because I have to rely on it to give me money. But two, and more importantly, I’m not curious about writing. I don’t want to learn about it. I just want to do it. It comes natural to me. And like most writers, I’m an egotist and I think I’ve learned everything I possibly can about writing. I’ll learn as I go. 

But what am I truly curious about? Science. I am interested in science. I love listening to podcasts about any kind of science, but mostly anatomy. I get truly excited about listening to how the human body works. I hung on every word of a woman who described how she became allergic to meat. And it’s only taken me until recently to realize that I have a passion for science, but I have a love for writing. 

The difference is that I can keep one as my mistress, and the other one keeps me up at night. (I’ll let you decide which is which.)

But the point is that when I stopped to think about it, I realized I could love what I do and still not be passionate about it. Just because I love writing doesn’t mean that I need to exorcise my soul to produce it. Sometimes, quitting your day job still doesn’t mean you are fulfilled. 

Excited?!?

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So, are you excited to get married?

Are you excited to move? 

Are you excited to buy a new mattress? 

Yeah, sure. I’m about as excited as getting a problem tooth pulled. I’ll be happy when it’s done, but there will be a lot of pain in the meantime. 

I mean, why do people ask if you’re excited about huge life changes? (I know. Where did my status as an optimist go?) But don’t they realize how much stuff (aka money, energy, tears, potato chips) goes into making a life change? Because I’m super tempted to tell them the truth. Just in case they really don’t know. 

And I guess it is exciting from the outside. When you’re not involved and you don’t have to stay up late picking napkin colors and wrapping yourself in packing tape. You’re blissfully unaware, and that must be so so nice. 

The point is that the next time you’re going through a life change and someone asks if you’re excited, think about telling them the truth. And then bite it back and tell them that it’s “great!” Because maybe in convincing them, you’ll convince yourself. 

Don’t Say Anything

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How to deal with an emotional problem in two steps:

1. Find a kind and willing (half-willing will also work) friend.

2. Let yourself rant, rage, and cry for as long as possible. In general, let it all out.

How do I deal with emotional problems?

Let all of my feelings swirl and twirl inside me and come together in a dangerous cocktail that then flows into my blood, poisons me (but I recover), and is then deposited in a black hole near my heart that just continues to grow and consume everything around it, and that will most likely be cancer in 10-12 years.

At least, this is what I think happens. And in my completely unprofessional opinion, I don’t think I’m wrong. Which is why I try to override my instincts as much as possible. Because maybe it’s our oversharing culture, but I feel like the first way, the letting it all out way, is really healthy. The crying, the deep breaths, the talking to someone: it’s cathartic. I feel like if I keep things in, they’ll just fester, like scenario B.

Well, not always.

Usually, as any person who works at a job knows (or really, anyone who is just going about their day in which they meet other humans), they feel a lot of emotions. Frustration, embarrassment, glee, weariness. And so, when they come home to their loved ones, they talk about those feelings, sometimes rather expressively.

But what they don’t realize is that this puts a lot of burden on those same loved ones. Because they feel our happiness but they also feel our stress. So, really, we may be siphoning off our feelings just to overwhelm the buckets of others.

For example, the other day, when I was really frustrated by a number of things, I felt like I was ready to explode…on someone. And I just wasn’t sure who it was going to be.

But before I did that, I lit a candle I love and put on some music, and puttered around a bit. Then, I watched television and laughed a little. But I could still feel my day bubbling up in my chest.

However, I didn’t need it to spill over. After a few hours of this, I felt resolved enough without saying anything about my day at all.

So, what is the solution? For the times when you need comfort, speak. But more often than not, what your soul needs is simply some peace and quiet.

Do You Have Any Experience?

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Experience. Everybody has a little. Some people have a lot. And everyone can claim that they can separate their experiences into good and bad, or a mix of both. Your first date. Your favorite book. A death. A new baby. Or anything that will help you land a job. All of this is called “experience.”

But have you ever had just an experience? And I don’t mean some totally freaky interaction with a psychic or an awkward encounter playing 7 minutes in Heaven. I mean, an experience.

Or at least, have you ever tried to perceive your life that way?

Why do I ask?

Because I heard this totally awesome statement the other day. This person simply said, “I just love experiences.” Note the wording. She didn’t say, “I love it when things happen like I expect them to happen.” And she definitely didn’t say, “I love when I have bad experiences because I can learn from them.” She just said, “I just love experiences.”

And that sort of hit me like a lightning bolt. I mean, here I am. Worrying or otherwise freaking out about just about anything that crosses my path. Making a phone call. Ordering coffee. Asking for help. Even worrying about worrying.

When what I should be doing is just…having an experience. Going out into the world and dealing with whatever comes my way, and writing it all off as just an “experience.” Not good or bad. Just there. It completely takes the pressure off of…life.

Because what you are actually saying to yourself when you see life this way is that “I am going to go out and live.” Instead of “I am going to go out and live in a very particular way, and when that doesn’t happen, I’m going to get upset.” No resistance to what is there, just being.

In the end, that’s living your life. Not just hoping for it all to go right or being mad when it doesn’t. Just chalking it all up, every single thing, to experience.

!!!

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

Is it possible to be too excited? I mean, what would that even look like? Someone jumping up and down? Someone crying tears of joy? Someone clutching their heart and invoking their savior? Doesn’t that simply look like extreme happiness?

Of course, you don’t really see anything extreme in our society. We’re pretty polarizing in our words: we say “awesome,” “insane,” and “horrific” to describe one weekend. But not in our actions. We downplay, diminish, and downsize what we’re really doing. “Oh yeah. I went skydiving this weekend for a bachelor party. We had a great time. Met Heidi Klum on the way back home. It was cool, I guess.”

IT WAS COOL, I GUESS? NO! IF THERE WAS ANY TIME TO USE “AWESOME” IT WOULD PROBABLY BE NOW. 

What is that reaction? Why do we have such a culture of apathy? Why is it cool to be as nonchalant as possible? Is it because we think excitement is dorky? Do we think people will like us better if we don’t reveal our true emotions?

Because I don’t follow that logic. In fact, my favorite people in the world are exploding with passion and excitement. My favorite people in the world are bursting at the seams. They talk for hours about their favorite subjects; their eyes light up when you talk to them; they shiver with excitement when you ask them how their day went.

So, why would we hide that part of ourselves if it feels so good to be excited?

I think somewhere along the way we realized that if we didn’t reveal our emotions, we could prove to other people that we weren’t vulnerable. And that’s somewhat attractive to us. In a world where we are repeatedly faced with the possibility of apocalypse and destruction, it’s simply exhausting to be scared all the time. Actually, it’s tiring to be anything at all. It’s easier to become desensitized when we all have to be Chicken Little everyday. So, we drained ourselves and then we replaced all of our feelings with emojis because they were easily digestible. Then we started to type “LOL” when we’re not even laughing. So, to express an emotion that we actually feel is incredibly rare.

But my advice is to feel as much as possible, especially excitement. I can understand why people are afraid to be vulnerable and I can understand why it is easy to gloss over emotions, but I can’t understand why people would choose to live a quieter life because of it.