Looking for relationships in all the wrong places 

I have an important announcement to make: 

You don’t have to be friends with the people who are in the closest proximity to you. 

(I know, I know. In other obvious news, your waitress doesn’t actually care how you’re doing today.)

But seriously. Just because you’re rubbing shoulders with your classmates, roommates, coworkers, or clients, all the time doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be friends. And you don’t have to be. 

I mean, is it nice? Yeah, of course it is. It’s great to have a support system wherever you are. It’s so wonderful to have a “work wife” and a “bff” as your roommate. But some people aren’t going to check off every box for you, and that’s okay. 

Take me, for example. I’m very, very blessed to have a loving and supportive and tight knit family. But I know people whose family doesn’t fill the love needs that they have and they need to go outside that unit. They need to go to their friend groups or their coworkers or what have you. Because sometimes, the people that you’re supposed to “be friends” with don’t always work out. 

And while it’s a little less convenient to go out and throw all of your personality traits outside of your immediate area (sometimes literally) and see which of your acquaintances “sticks” (aka, “who sticks around”), these friendships will be more meaningful when you have more in common than that you share a house or a cubicle or a classroom with them. 

Be unafraid to look past the obvious to find a true friend. You’ll be surprised at whose looking for you too. 

Two’s Company, Three’s A…

…party? At least, it is for me. Although, it was not always this way.

Hard to believe, but I had a lot of different friends growing up. (I know! Who would have the guts to be friends with someone that has a blog and has no limits when it comes to potential topics?) I’ve had best friends, I’ve had frenemies, and I’ve had people who have merely tolerated my existence. I can’t say that I could blame them on any level. I was Hermione Granger but only 100x more obnoxious and more ready to tell you that you were wrong, wrong, wrong. But I could be nice sometimes…when I felt like it.

Unfortunately, many of my friendships ended in fights and dismissals. I suppose I can spin it now and suggest that we were passionate enough to let go of our relationship with fireworks instead of letting it fade away. But really, it is more that I was just a royal a**hole growing up. After all, I have the witnesses to prove it.

But despite all of my failings, there was always something in my friendships that was completely out of my hands: I was always the third person, the third wheel. Yes, every time I made a friendship, it was because I was friends with two other people. So, we thought, how perfect! We can all just hang out together. This will be great and in no way go wrong.

Except, it did. A lot. When you’re younger, and your mom says you can’t go out, well, you can’t. And then your friends start hanging out without you. And if they are girls, they are going to start talking behind your back when they are hanging out without you. (I’m sorry. It’s a stereotype for a reason.) And then, suddenly, one afternoon, you are absolutely NOT friends.

I’m sure everyone has experienced this before. Actually, I know it has happened in some capacity to everyone. Everyone has been left feeling, well, left out.

Except, for the rare occasion when you don’t feel like that. When your friends are exactly what they say they are: friends. And they try extra hard to make sure everyone feels warm and included. And when you find those kinds of friends (like I have), you can’t deny that the old saying “Two’s a Company, Three’s a Crowd” is total horsefeathers.

My friends now have completely erased any reservations that I may have had back then. I can put my utmost trust in them, and they give it right back. I can tease them, and they give it right back. I can love them, and they give it right back.  I’m so excited to be reunited with them tomorrow. For the first time in my life, I know that I will have friends for life, without fearing their rejection. For the first time in my life, I see friendships as “the more the merrier” rather than “let’s pare this down.” I have love in my life times two. And that’s a beautiful thing.