Tag: frustration

Anyone, Everything

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

I don’t know how you’re feeling. I don’t know who needs to hear this. And I don’t know how to make things right.

But if you, like me, are at a loss today: of understanding, of confidence, of words. Then I will speak for you:

You are enough.

You are not alone.

It’s okay to be scared of the future.

It’s okay to be angry and upset.

It’s okay to emote and not hide.

It’s okay not to feel anything at all.

Like I said, I don’t know what you’re feeling at this time. But I’m here to tell anyone, that feeling everything at once is okay. You’ve got a lot going on, and your plate is full. We have a lot going on, and our plate is full. So, drink deeply of your emotions and take one mouthful at a time.

Love,

Bailey

Get Home Safely

Bailey Gunn2 Comments

People always say that others are fighting hard battles and you should be kind to everyone you meet, even if they’re rude.

And I think that’s correct. But I think it could use some editing. Everyone’s facing a hard battle every day and everyone is just trying to get home safely.

We’re all just trying to get through our day so that we can go home and see our loved ones or spend time with people we enjoy.

So if you’re commute is a terror, remember that everyone is trying to get home safely. If someone is particularly rude, they probably would just rather be at home. And if you forget that everyone is fighting a hard battle, at least try to remember that they’d like to get home safely to pet their cats and dogs, to eat the food they bought, and sit on the couches and be comfortable.

Everyone, at the end of the day, just wants to be comfortable.

Fourth Wish

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

If a genie were rubbed out of one of my lamps at home tomorrow, and he materializes in smoke and grants me three wishes, I would wish for a lot of happiness, a lot of money, and a lot of puppies. (That is, if I couldn't wish for more wishes.)

But if I had a fourth wish, I would wish that I was someone else entirely. New hair. New face. New attitude.

Because most days, I'm frustrated by myself. I'm shy, I'm weird, and I'm self conscious. And it's not cute, like a misfit in a teen movie.

But I'm starting to realize that I should never waste a wish on being someone else. Because I was put on this earth to be me. It would be a crime of the universe to be anyone else. And it's time that I recognized that whatever I am, I have to love me.

So bring on the happiness, money, and puppies. I promise to be careful what I wish for.

Be Curious! 

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

I had a HUGE revelation today. 

I’m all about pursuing your passions. All for it. 

Except when it comes to quitting your day job. 

I know, I know. Big risk, big reward. But there’s something keeping you back from starting all over and pursuing your passion isn’t there? (Yes, Bailey. It’s my crippling student debt.) Okay, fair. 

But ask yourself — is your passion something you LIKE to do? Or are you truly interested and curious about it?

Because that’s what keeps me back from writing full time. One, because I love my blog and I don’t want to hate it because I have to rely on it to give me money. But two, and more importantly, I’m not curious about writing. I don’t want to learn about it. I just want to do it. It comes natural to me. And like most writers, I’m an egotist and I think I’ve learned everything I possibly can about writing. I’ll learn as I go. 

But what am I truly curious about? Science. I am interested in science. I love listening to podcasts about any kind of science, but mostly anatomy. I get truly excited about listening to how the human body works. I hung on every word of a woman who described how she became allergic to meat. And it’s only taken me until recently to realize that I have a passion for science, but I have a love for writing. 

The difference is that I can keep one as my mistress, and the other one keeps me up at night. (I’ll let you decide which is which.)

But the point is that when I stopped to think about it, I realized I could love what I do and still not be passionate about it. Just because I love writing doesn’t mean that I need to exorcise my soul to produce it. Sometimes, quitting your day job still doesn’t mean you are fulfilled. 

I Hate This

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

I’m starting to resent this blog a little. 

(Don’t worry. I won’t go on a hiatus like I normally do. I’ll just complain about it. Right here.) 

Well, here’s the thing. It’s not because I have to crank out a post daily. And it’s not even because most nights I have writer’s block that nothing can cure. And it’s definitely not because I have so many ideas that I don’t know what to write first. 

It’s that I am forced to find a silver lining in my day. Just one. Because that’s what Bailey Dailey is all about. It’s about being out in the world and finding the good in it. 

And most days, I have to look really hard. I mean, really hard to find the good. And more than that, most days, I would really like to crank up some loud music and drown the rest of the world out, good or no. 

And so, I sort of hate this. I hate holding myself accountable to my own happiness. Because I’d much rather sulk and wallow. 

But I’m grateful for everyone that reads this blog. Because you all make me do it anyway. Even though I hate it a little. Even though it’s hard. Even though I’d much rather be writing Bailey tells it like it is or Bailey serves up cold harsh reality. 

But that’s not why I started this blog. I started it because I saw a need for it. I saw that people needed a little bit of light in their lives. They needed reminders about what’s good. They don’t need more sadness or anger or hatred. There’s enough of that. 

So, yes, even though I have a little sadness and anger and even hatred toward this blog sometimes, that’s only because you have to work hard if you want something good. And this blog? It’s the best part of me. 

And at the end of the day, I hope you read it because it’s the best part of you, too. 

That’s Life. 

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

So, I was going to write a post about something really trite and how you should take time for yourself and yada yada and there would be a cool metaphor tie-in at the end like there always is and you could get on with your weeekend. 

But I have a question instead. How do people live life? No, I’m serious. This is not a metaphor or even an existential question. I want to know how people live with their whole life hanging over their head. The disappointment and fear and hope and joy. Like, every opportunity you do or do not take shapes you. And no matter how much you want something, it doesn’t matter, not even a little. 

I mean, I wanna wake up covered in burritos with Ewan McGregor singing “Elephant Love Medley” next to me in bed every morning. But what does that have to do with anything? (Good question.)

It doesn’t have anything to do with anything. I mean, I might as well be a dust mote floating through a sunbeam rather than a sentient being, that’s how much my wants and desires matter to the universe. That’s how little. 

And the thing that really gets me is that good people don’t get the things they want, no matter how hard they desire it and wish for it and want it. Like, how do we deal with that? Hard work means something, for sure. But what about the intangible? Just the want of something? 

And all we have to show for wanting something when we show up to the competition and don’t even receive a participation trophy is someone saying “that’s life.”

Well, this is my rebellion. Just for one night, I’m going to say that “that’s life” just isn’t enough for me. I want to know why it just doesn’t work out for two people who love each other, or why that job wasn’t a perfect fit, or why people who never mess up get hurt when other people make mistakes.

For one night, I want to know why. 

But I don’t think I’d even be comforted by the answer. Because that’s just life, isn’t it? And we’re all comfortable with the knowledge that it just doesn’t work out sometimes. 

And so am I, usually. Just not tonight. 

Don’t Say Anything

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

How to deal with an emotional problem in two steps:

1. Find a kind and willing (half-willing will also work) friend.

2. Let yourself rant, rage, and cry for as long as possible. In general, let it all out.

How do I deal with emotional problems?

Let all of my feelings swirl and twirl inside me and come together in a dangerous cocktail that then flows into my blood, poisons me (but I recover), and is then deposited in a black hole near my heart that just continues to grow and consume everything around it, and that will most likely be cancer in 10-12 years.

At least, this is what I think happens. And in my completely unprofessional opinion, I don’t think I’m wrong. Which is why I try to override my instincts as much as possible. Because maybe it’s our oversharing culture, but I feel like the first way, the letting it all out way, is really healthy. The crying, the deep breaths, the talking to someone: it’s cathartic. I feel like if I keep things in, they’ll just fester, like scenario B.

Well, not always.

Usually, as any person who works at a job knows (or really, anyone who is just going about their day in which they meet other humans), they feel a lot of emotions. Frustration, embarrassment, glee, weariness. And so, when they come home to their loved ones, they talk about those feelings, sometimes rather expressively.

But what they don’t realize is that this puts a lot of burden on those same loved ones. Because they feel our happiness but they also feel our stress. So, really, we may be siphoning off our feelings just to overwhelm the buckets of others.

For example, the other day, when I was really frustrated by a number of things, I felt like I was ready to explode…on someone. And I just wasn’t sure who it was going to be.

But before I did that, I lit a candle I love and put on some music, and puttered around a bit. Then, I watched television and laughed a little. But I could still feel my day bubbling up in my chest.

However, I didn’t need it to spill over. After a few hours of this, I felt resolved enough without saying anything about my day at all.

So, what is the solution? For the times when you need comfort, speak. But more often than not, what your soul needs is simply some peace and quiet.

Finding Peace

Bailey Gunn1 Comment

If I told you that peace can be found in a quiet room, between a stack of books at a library, in a sunlit copse of trees, on a boat in the middle of the ocean, or perhaps even in the smell of lavender or coffee, you would probably believe me, right?

Because in our minds, these are peaceful things. They seem to invite us in, they are quiet and comforting, and, whether we realize it or not, we expect them to grant their effects instantaneously. For example, wrapping your hands around a warm mug of coffee on an autumn day with the steam rising in your face is going to immediately transport you into a relaxed, if not comatose, state, is it not?

But unfortunately, peace can’t be found in a thing. It can only be found within you.

How do I know this? Well, as you know, I’m struggling to keep my blood pressure down, and one of the biggest problems I have is that I keep thinking about how high my blood pressure is. Which, as you could have guessed, raises it further (maybe if I stop talking about it every night on this blog I would see a difference?)

And if you’ve ever been told not to think about something, then I don’t have to tell you that it’s all you think about. So, knowing that I simply need to calm down and stop dwelling are two different tasks. But nonetheless, I’ve attempted to seek peace to lower my BP. I’ve hummed my favorite songs, counted my breaths, and even tried yoga positions in the shower, to no avail. I keep telling myself, All you have to do is calm down. That’s it. If you just relax, you won’t have to feel this way anymore. 

Which is all fine and good. Except, telling yourself to relax is like trying to tell an elephant not to be so large. You can’t help the way you are made. So, I have also turned to the initial methods that I described: envisioning a calm ocean, sipping on tea or coffee, and smelling lavender to distract me further. Also to no avail.

Of course, we all have a hard time realizing that peace is simply inside of us. Because we think, If I can just set the kids down for a nap or If I just take a long weekend next week or If I just drown myself in good music and good books then I can become centered and stay afloat.

But my body knows that isn’t true, and so does yours. Because the more you try to ignore your problems (like blood pressure) with meaningless images of quiet rooms or trees or situations where you can “finally” kick back, the more you stress out by trying to get there, ignoring the present moment completely. If you stop trying to find peace, ironically, you’ll find it.

Why? Because you will already be living it.

I Don’t Like to Be Picked Up

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

They say you can’t help people who don’t help themselves. They say you have to pick yourself up by your own bootstraps. And, most importantly, they say when you get knocked down, you should get up again (because they’re never going to keep you down).

So, why do people insist on trying to pick you up themselves?

Have you ever had someone tell you to calm down when you’re really angry? It is the most frustrating, infuriating thing in the world, right? Almost as bad as stepping on a Lego. And how many times have you heard “there are plenty of more fish in the sea” when you’ve had troubles of a romantic nature? Yeah, okay, but what happens when you want that fish, who has not only swam away, but is moving up the stream? It’s all so horribly futile.

Well, it’s the same when someone says that it’s going to be “A OK” when everything seems like it has just blown up in a large mushroom cloud that used to resemble your life. I mean, when it feels like your house is crashing down around your ears, it is really not helpful to have someone tap you on the shoulder and make a joke about not having to pay rent anymore. Okay, call it petty or childish that I’m not able to look directly at the cloud with the silver lining when something bad happens, but when the gloom and doom has arrived, the bright side is a little blinding.

Which is why I don’t like to be picked up. I don’t like to be told that things will be alright. I don’t like to be told that I should be more optimistic and grateful. In the end, I like to discover these things on my own, and only then, do they have true meaning in my life. When I realize that my own situation isn’t as bad as it seems, well, that’s a lot more freeing than being told that time heals all wounds by someone else. Plus, your comment is like putting a band aid on a bullet wound: it does nothing for the immediate woe.

Here’s an example. Today, I suffered a generic loss. On a scale of 1 to Maroon 5’s latest album, I was about a 6 on the disappointment scale. So, I sought my typical creature comforts, food, warmth, and finally music. You see, no one was going to be able to bring me out of that slump but me.

Sure, the condolences from my family and friends helped, but they didn’t take away the pain. Do you know what did? Just Around the Riverbend by Disney’s Pocahontas, on repeat. After the 5th time I heard her ask if she should marry Kocoum or if her dreaming was at an end, I realized that everyone questions their decisions and choices, and that this is a universal feeling, even in the Disney universe. I didn’t tell myself to get over it, but I was able to ease myself over it anyway, like slipping into a tub of hot water, one toe at a time.

Sure, humans are gregarious creatures in that we like to be social, not that we travel in packs (although, if you go to a mall on a Friday night, you may see that some teenagers in dark clothing will band together like water buffaloes). However, when it comes to healing, we already have everything that we need. We already have the peace and solace inside us that we can use to scab over our wounds. While sentiments from others are nice, it is up to us to take action.

In the end, seek support from your friends, but don’t ask them to do all of the heavy lifting when it comes to picking you up when you’re down.

Adult Middle Finger with a Child’s Bandage

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

Actions always speak louder than words. Especially when a certain action is representative of a certain choice phrase that is incredibly offensive (at least in American culture).

I mean, flipping someone the bird can really be a slap in the face. Literally. It is basically the equivalent of taking off your glove and slapping someone to start a duel. Really, can you think of a quicker way to start a fight with someone than giving them the finger?

Which is why we need to be really careful about who we flip off. Not just because you have no idea who has a gun (or a crossbow for that matter) these days but because we need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. 

And here’s how to put this into some perspective.

Every day I have a commute to work. Inevitably, every day I encounter idiots, imbeciles, and people on cell phones. I would like to believe that my tolerance is much higher, but occasionally (usually), after the third time I get cut off, I feel like speeding past the parade of a**holes and giving them a piece of my mind. That is, without rolling down the window. 

But when I thought about doing that today, when I thought about giving the car next to me a righteous glare and a certain digit (not a number), I looked down and saw the How to Train Your Dragon bandage over my precious finger, that I had to have from the grocery store a few months ago. And I absolutely needed it over the weekend when I cut myself with a potato peeler. 

Suddenly, I realized I had no grounds, (I mean no grounds whatsoever) to be giving the middle finger to anyone. To the driver next to me, I was just a girl who didn’t know how to keep her obsessions out of her first aid choices. I was just an overgrown child sloshing through rush hour. But most of all, I realized that I knew what it was like to (accidentally and intentionally) drive like an idiot, and I certainly have known what it is like to be late.

And somehow, my tolerance of people grew three sizes today.

So, I don’t really care how you do it. If you need to wear a really childish bandage on your middle finger to remind you that we are all just one step away from barbarism and that we are all one step away from our childhood at any given time. But the overall message I want to convey is that we need to be kinder to each other. We need to put the middle fingers down and put the thumbs up! (Too cheesy, even for me?)

Okay, maybe that’s not going to happen. But at least we can be more patient with each other as we walk (and drive) this earth together.