Tag: funny

Irony

Bailey Gunn2 Comments

Do you know what real irony is?

When you grow up as a budding theater major, who had little to no problem getting up in front of her closest peers and reciting Shakespeare, and winning competitions, no less…

And then having to get up in front of a small group of people to give a work presentation and basically going out wicked witch of the west style into a melted puddle of embarrassment…

What is the deal? Where do I get my adult card punched so that I can get up in front of people and speak? Why is it so different from making a PowerPoint to baring my soul through literature?

I wish this was easier and I didn’t care so much. But if I didn’t care, what would be the point at all?

My definition of irony is acting apathetic when it actually means the world to you. So don’t be afraid to go down swinging. Just giving it everything you have will yield your best results, even if you could care less.

Rejection = redirection

Bailey Gunn2 Comments

Do you remember your first rejection? Was it a boyfriend/girlfriend? Was it from a college? What about not making your high school soccer tryouts?

Sorry for bringing up ill feelings. But I’d be willing to bet that you wouldn’t trade your life right now for the world, eh? You wouldn’t go back in time and fix that rejection because what’s done is done. And it’s made you the person that you are today.

That’s why in life rejection is really just a redirection (I didn’t make this up, but I wish I had). It’s a good reminder that just because we didn’t get where we wanted to be doesn’t mean we’re not where we need to be. Every time you get rejected by something or someone, you’re being pushed in the direction of where your real life begins.

So don’t get upset if you’re rejected. Get excited that you’re that much closer to where you want to be. Or at least, be happy that you’re not the biggest loser in the universe, even though you may feel like it.

My Hero

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I think it’s really easy sometimes to go with the flow. To think everything is going to work out. That if you just pray/wish/want hard enough, then it’ll all be to your satisfaction.

But I’m here to remind you that the Knight didn’t get the princess by wishing she was there. He did something – he climbed the back wall/tower/gate and rescued the princess from the dragon/evil stepmother/her fate.

And I’d also like to point out that sometimes, the princess can save herself. And that’s important to remember too. Because if you don’t see your knight anywhere and he’s not on the horizon, then it’s probably you.

So you want your happily ever after? Get up and save yourself. Or call your knight. Just do something.

TP Kids

Bailey Gunn2 Comments

My message is very short tonight.

Live life like you’re a kid on mischief night.

When I was driving home, it was dark out. Not many cars on the road. But I drove past a group of kids walking, and lo and behold, each of them was carrying a roll of toilet paper. And I was so happy to see that this little town tradition was still holding up that I laughed out loud. For tonight is mischief night. When kids of all ages get up to no good. Throwing eggs or toilet papering trees.

And I realized that even though most Halloween traditions have their place – some can keep us connected to other generations. Because I remember laughing out loud when I woke up and saw that all the trees had been covered in tp on my street as a kid.

So live your life however you want. But remember that some traditions are just too meaningful not to repeat. Have some fun (and some mischief) out there.

What My Mama (and sister) Gave Me

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I grew up with two fiercely independent, smart, and kind role models: my mother and my sister. And being the youngest, I was obviously impressionable. So I ate up every word of advice on life that my mother and sister could give. And for you tonight, I’ve collected my favorite memories of each of them. To celebrate just two of the women I hold most dear. (I’m laughing even as I write this.)

Sister, Juliet:

  1. The day we set out to hike and accidentally kept walking for 10 miles.
  2. That time you didn’t know how to open a champagne bottle, so you did the best with what you could.
  3. Every day you drove me to high school and let me listen to your fall out boy cd.
  4. When I kissed you on the head before you went into surgery, and you were thoroughly disgusted.
  5. When you would do my hair and make up before a big school dance but make me sit on the toilet, and you would exasperatingly say, “IM DOING YOUR MASCARA. LOOK UP.”

Mom, Ellen:

  1. When you helped me decide to go to Ireland by talking to me for 45 minutes about the pros and cons.
  2. Every time we go shopping and encourage each other to buy whatever we want.
  3. That time you came into my room with the vacuum cleaner to suck up a particularly nasty spider.
  4. When you tear up because something is so unbelievably happy.
  5. That time you changed your name to “Betty boop” on your phone and then called the pizza place, who then obviously referred to you as Ms. boop.

Thanks, mom and Jul, for being who you both are. And allowing me to be who I am. Love you both.

Sincerely,

Bailey

Hahaha

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Listen.

I know life is hard sometimes. Actually, most of the time. Ok, ok. 90% of the time.

But do you know what you need to do? No, not eat a spoonful of sugar, or sip water through a paper towel, or take a nap.

You need a good belly laugh. You need your sense of humor. You need a bright side.

If you’ve run out of options, then laugh. If you’ve taken a long look at yourself and you want to cry, try laughing. Try telling yourself a joke.

Like this one:

What do you call a wet baby owl?

A moist owlet.

Or this one:

What do you call fake spaghetti?

Impasta.

And so on. Until you’re laughing again. Until you’re smiling again. Until the world doesn’t seem so bad anymore.

Laughter. It’s more than the best medicine. It’s a way of life.

B****

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We all know one (or are one).

A b**** – A woman (a word mostly used for women by women) who is loud, obnoxious, arrogant, pushy, and bossy.

But have you ever noticed that women call each other b****** when they simply don’t like what they’re doing? It seems a woman can’t ever stand up for herself, a woman cannot speak her mind, a woman cannot call out the errors of others without looking like a you know what.

Well, you know what? I’m not a Starbucks barista. I’m not here to put whip cream in your latte and a smile on your heart. I don’t have to be nice all the time. I can be respectful while still getting what I want.

I don’t have to be afraid of the b word anymore. Actually, it sort of has a nice ring to it. (Maybe I should change the old blog name to b****dailey).

At the end of the day, don’t be afraid of what people think of you. Because at the end of the day, you don’t have to spend time with anyone but yourself. After all, there’s a little b**** in all of us.

Time

Bailey Gunn1 Comment

Don’t you think it’s weird how we measure time? How we kill time? How we make it fly?

Don’t worry; I won’t break out into 525,600 minutes. (Unless you want me to.)

But I just think it’s strange that when I’m bored a single minute seems like an hour. But when I’m engaged, time is an object.

So, here are some other ways to tell time (and how slow or fast time goes):

Put on old clothes. (Fast)

Go out with one of your best friends. (Fast)

Take a shower. (Slow)

Being at work on a Friday. (Slow)

The point is that however we measure time, we have to be grateful for every minute. Because one day, we’ll wish for more time, slow or fast.

10 Ways to be Nice to Yourself Right Now

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I think, as a human, it’s hard to be nice to yourself sometimes. But add in the fact that you’re a rather awkward and clumsy human…and it gets harder.  

So, we all need to remind ourselves that we’re not all that bad. And sometimes, we’re even that good. And here’s how you do it:

1. Find a mirror. Look yourself in the eye. And smile. (I bet you can’t resist smiling back!) 

2. Take yourself out for a treat. Ice cream. Chocolate. Broccoli. However you define “treat.”

3. Wrap yourself in a blanket so your whole body is inside the blanket. Roll around the floor a couple of times. Call yourself a burrito. 

4. Read a book out loud to yourself before you go to bed. It’ll remind you of what it was like to have a bedtime story read for you. 

5. Take a shower or a bath. Or just wash your hands in warm water. It’ll feel good. 

6. Watch cute animal videos. Actually, make a habit of watching cute animal videos. They’re good for the soul. 

7. Take a walk around your neighborhood. Count fireflies. Say hello to people. (But don’t overthink it.) 

8. Watch a movie or tv show that you just love. Stay in the moment. Really watch it, like it’s the first time. 

9. Talk to a friend. Vent. Then let them take care of you for a little while. Just until you feel better. 

10. Take one deep breath. Take another. And another. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best that you can. 

Be Curious! 

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I had a HUGE revelation today. 

I’m all about pursuing your passions. All for it. 

Except when it comes to quitting your day job. 

I know, I know. Big risk, big reward. But there’s something keeping you back from starting all over and pursuing your passion isn’t there? (Yes, Bailey. It’s my crippling student debt.) Okay, fair. 

But ask yourself — is your passion something you LIKE to do? Or are you truly interested and curious about it?

Because that’s what keeps me back from writing full time. One, because I love my blog and I don’t want to hate it because I have to rely on it to give me money. But two, and more importantly, I’m not curious about writing. I don’t want to learn about it. I just want to do it. It comes natural to me. And like most writers, I’m an egotist and I think I’ve learned everything I possibly can about writing. I’ll learn as I go. 

But what am I truly curious about? Science. I am interested in science. I love listening to podcasts about any kind of science, but mostly anatomy. I get truly excited about listening to how the human body works. I hung on every word of a woman who described how she became allergic to meat. And it’s only taken me until recently to realize that I have a passion for science, but I have a love for writing. 

The difference is that I can keep one as my mistress, and the other one keeps me up at night. (I’ll let you decide which is which.)

But the point is that when I stopped to think about it, I realized I could love what I do and still not be passionate about it. Just because I love writing doesn’t mean that I need to exorcise my soul to produce it. Sometimes, quitting your day job still doesn’t mean you are fulfilled.