Tag: individuality

Your Story

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You know when you’re in a bookstore and you pick up a book and realize it’s very similar to one you’ve read before.

Well, I hate to be the one to tell you but there’s very little originality in this world anymore. Everything is so yesterday, having been done before and many times at that.

But there is one thing that will keep you from diving down the hole of depression on this one: it’s you.

You have never written your story.

And it will be unique, and wonderful, and something that the world has never seen before.

Because it will be yours.

In the narrative of this country and this life, do not forget to write your own story. This is your chance to make it what you want. Never mind that everyone is doing something similar. Your voice will stand out.

It always has.

Love,

Bailey

A Love Letter to My Hair

Bailey Gunn5 Comments

This week, instead of posting new things I want to stay silent and instead allow other POC voices to come through. This is a particularly moving piece about one woman’s journey with her hair. I loved this post and I hope you do too.

Let me just say, this is the longest amount of time I have ever spent on a blog post. It is a wide open door into a hidden part of me that I never …

A Love Letter to My Hair

Comparable

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How did you read the title of this blog post?

Did you read it as “compare-able”? As in, oranges and apples are not “compare-able” because they are obviously two different fruits, you knucklehead?

Or did you read it as “comprable”? As in, these M. Night Shyamalan movies are “comprable” because they both have terribly obvious “twist” endings.

I know, I know. The second pronunciation is correct, but for whatever reason, I say these words in different ways depending on my meaning. To me, “comprable” is something lesser. If something is “comprable,” you are compromising by choosing it. It’s like saying,
“I’ll have both if it makes you happy, but I’d really like the first one.” Whereas “compare-able” means something like, “Those two things are the same, and it doesn’t matter to me which one you pick.”

And quite literally, this is semantics…that I’ve made up in my head. There is some perceived distinction in wordplay within this word for me that isn’t there at all.

And yet, this word has completely ruled my life in an imaginary way. Until today.

Okay, here it is, plain and simple: I am a human, and so I compare myself to other humans. Not in a “why is she so rich and perfect and I’m not,” way. More like, “why am I so awkward, I just said “I’m good” when she didn’t say “how are you?” way. And so, I’m constantly wondering if people find me “compare-able,” as in someone similar to a person they have met before, but generally a dime a dozen, or if I am “comprable,” meaning that they could be hanging out with someone much cooler, but they’ve lost interest in their own life and they might as well compromise their best interests before they come to their senses.

But I realized something today: when you are truly yourself, when you are really who you are inside and out, you can’t be comparable or comparable. Because there is no one that will ever be exactly like you and you’re not compromising anything when you can be yourself.

And suddenly, the pressure was off. I didn’t have to think about being too this or too that. I could just be me, and there were no words to describe me, whether they had multiple pronunciations or not.

Because when you defy the boxes and labels that people try to put you in or on you, some members of the outside world become frightened or confused. But most people? They’re just dazzled that you have the confidence to be yourself. And they haven’t got any notion of what you were once or what you should be. You’re just you. And they’re speechless.

The Picasso Effect

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Art is weird, right?

I mean, it’s the expression and perspective of one person at one time in space. So, it is completely dependent on how their ability, ideas, and experiences will shape their work. (Note: This is why that dog on a spaceship that your 3-year-old nephew drew doesn’t really look like a dog on a spaceship. But you’ll hang it on the fridge anyway).

And that first element, ability, is the really important part of art. What good is an artist if he or she cannot render how the world really is as well as what the artist perceives?

Well, actually, it turns out, that artist can still be pretty darn good if he or she does not adhere strictly to the rules of reality. Take Picasso. See Exhibit van Gogh. Look at Monet. Just because they didn’t paint in a realistic style does not mean they couldn’t. In fact, they needed a core understanding of how to paint “well” in order to deviate completely from the straight forward, photorealistic self-portraits of the time. If they had stuck to their basic skills learned in any class, they would have created art. Instead, they chose to strip away all of their knowledge and so made masterpieces.

Let me give you a more concrete and less abstract (art) example. I know how to dress to fit in. I know what make up to wear. I know what hair style is current. I know all of this because it is being forced down my throat in every media outlet, but I also know this because other people are reinforcing it for me by the way they style themselves as well. In the end, I could easily put on the right clothes, the right make-up, and do my hair the right way, and I might be considered by popular media to be “pretty.”

But I reject striving for “prettiness.” Instead, I strive for “me,” and my own truth, whatever that may be, and yes, my own truth sometimes eclipses with popular media’s desires for me (van Gogh did craft a self-portrait, after all), but mostly I try to step out of the box that people try to put me in, the same box that they try to stuff Picasso, van Gogh, and Monet in when they told them that they were not making art.

The basic point is that I know all too well how to fit in. I would have no trouble doing so, like a leaf floating down a fast-moving stream. It is that I choose not to.

Whenever you rebel against the norm, it is the Picasso Effect at work. It is simply doing what is different and new at the cost of your own personal comfort and the comfort of those around you. (Because when you aren’t doing what people expect, they get uncomfortable real fast.)

My only hope for you is that you will effect to the highest degree of Picasso, whenever faced with the choice to do so. That you will acknowledge your teachings but abandon them in favor of your own vision, irregardless of your ability. In the end, my one hope is that you will stay true to yourself no matter what the cost.

 

25 Things I Learned At 25

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Well, I’m almost 25. Which is why I want to count down some of the most valuable life lessons I’ve learned. You know, from being a quarter century old. That should make me really wise, right? You can be the judge.

25. Spend money on quality clothes. They’ll last longer and be a better investment.

24. In that vein, separate your laundry and check all of your pockets before you chuck it all in the washer. (I learned this the hard way…several times.)

23. Stress will kill you slowly. Find something to channel your energy into.

22. Go with the flow as much as possible. Resistance isn’t futile, but it’s exhausting.

21. Repeat after me: grades. don’t. define. you.

20. Do anything that makes you feel beautiful. Wear make-up or don’t. Do your hair or don’t. Life is too short to not feel like a goddess.

19. You may despise your sibling now, but give it time. You’ll need him/her one day. For everything.

18. Your parents have given you so much. Thank them whenever you get the chance.

17. Talk to everyone and anyone. Learn their life’s story. It’ll make you more empathetic.

16. Indulge in your pity parties. Sometimes that’s the only way to get over things.

15. Read every book from cover to cover. Every author has something to teach you.

14. Don’t feel bad about buying music you like. It’s always a good investment.

13. I’m not saying everyone needs to date their significant other for 10 years but…it worked for me.

12. Remember to be excited about things. Apathy is for people who don’t enjoy life.

11. Sing in the shower as much as possible.

10. Own a soft blanket. Trust me, you’ll need it.

9. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Make a mistake, learn, keep going.

8. Step on all the crunchy acorns and leaves you see. No, this is a rule.

7. Throw some things out once in awhile. You don’t need material possessions as much as you think you do.

6. Be the weirdo. If people aren’t friends with you, they’ll at least remember you.

5. Work out. I promise that you’ll feel better after. Even if you really, really, really don’t want to.

4. Good friends are hard to find. But once you find them, make sure you make time for them regularly.

3. Chocolate will keep the dementors from getting to you. So keep it on hand.

2. If you put out positive vibes, positive vibes will come back to you.

1. Be who you are, no matter what. It’ll make all of your decisions really easy when you know who you are.

Love,

Bailey

Adorn Your Own Heart

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

I don’t think anyone wants to be disagreeable.

I don’t think a person’s feet hit the floor when they roll out of bed, and they think to themselves, Hmmm,  I’m going to act like I ate a full serving of b*tch flakes today, and then I’m going to act like someone peed in them. Specifically, I’m going to cut in line at my local Starbucks and then ask for really specific things in my latte. Like, for it to be hand-stirred. 

But then again, I don’t think people want to be too agreeable, either. You don’t want to be a sheep or a lemming. You want to be cordial, but not naive.

Then, there’s me. I will walk into traffic to avoid an argument. I do everything I can to make someone feel comfortable around me and to make them like me, even when they’ve already decided what they will about me. This has pretty much always been my reality, but recently, it has gotten a lot worse.

I find myself nodding when someone says they like something, on instinct. Almost anything. Even if I’ve never heard of it. And I have to stop myself and think, Wait, I don’t listen to Elvis cover bands. Why did I just say that peanut butter, banana, and bacon is my favorite sandwich? All in the name of amiableness. I am the Miss Congeniality.

And it’s not that I am trying to be disingenuous. I’m just trying to be nice…aren’t I? I’m trying to make the other person feel safe in my company. The problem is that I just start hanging up posters of things I don’t entirely like inside my heart. I pump blood through my veins that is driven by someone else’s passion. I create shrines inside myself to activities like pilates and white water rafting because not only can I somehow connect with the people I know on these newfound interests, but I can be intriguing to the people I’m still waiting to meet.

But the truth is, (I’ve come to realize) if you don’t adorn your own heart with the things that YOU love, you might lose yourself (and maybe that friend) completely.  Like your life, your heart is only what you make of it and how much love is inside.

The Problem With Doing Anything At All

Bailey Gunn2 Comments

I’m going to try and keep this relatively short because we all have a weekend to get to.

The problem with doing anything at all, I mean anything, is not that you will fail or that you will get rejected. It’s not even that you are afraid. I’m not going to tell you that fear is disguised as courage or that being afraid is the first step to taking the next one.

The problem with doing anything at all is that you are always, always, always going to be criticized or judged. Or at the very least, commented upon.

So, why do anything at all? Wouldn’t it be nice to stop telling yourself that you are going to make it and be okay? Stop making art, stop writing, stop studying, stop working, stop speaking, stop everything? Because who wants to incur the wrath of the crowd? Who wants to be the one against many? Or even a few against another few? Who wants to go against the current? Who wants to put themselves out there? That isn’t our instinct or our nature. Our internal response is to put our heads down and protect our own. And no matter what the movies tell you, it’s tough to be on the outside looking in. It’s hard to be different. Truly, it’s hard to be anything at all.

Why do it, then? Why press on and on and on writing, making art, conducting experiments, teaching, studying, breathing, falling in love, running, making purchases, heading out on a Friday night, starting a family, getting into an argument, getting out of bed? Why do anything at all?

Because of the simple fact that we started with. You are always going to be judged and criticized and commented upon. This should empower you, not belittle you.

So, start there next time you are too afraid to do something, anything at all. Assume that people will talk, and people will judge, and people will comment, People are difficult that way. They want to break you down into bite size pieces. They want you to be digestible. They don’t want to see anything they don’t have the words to describe. They don’t want to see you in a new light. They want to see you in the old light, with worse lighting. It’s nothing personal.

This isn’t to say that people are necessarily bad. Quite the opposite. Most people are mostly good. However, we are all human, and we wouldn’t have survived this long if we weren’t a little afraid of what other people thought of us. Rejection of any kind once meant the inability to pass on our genes or our legacy. Keeping everyone in line and following the rules is how we all survive. Notice I said survive, and not thrive.

My message for the weekend: don’t ever think, “but what will people say?” People will talk if you are there or not. They’ve done so for thousands of years, and they aren’t going to stop. But you can start with that notion and work your way up. Ask yourself, if people are going to talk, and I can’t control what they say, what will my reaction be? To say nothing? To hope they go away? To lash out? To retort? That’s your decision. But never, ever stop yourself from doing something because someone will have something to say about it. In that vein, don’t do something simply to get a positive reaction, either. Block people out entirely. Chances are they’ve already made up their minds about what they are going to say next before you’ve even made your next move.

And when I say people, I mean it in the most abstract and concrete sense. Society, “They” are going to tell you what to do. But so are your parents, your well-intentioned best friends, your partners, your professors, your boss.

And people are going to be mean. And people are going to occasionally mean the mean things they say. And everything is going to get lost in translation over the Internet because words written on a screen have no inflection. But know this: I am screaming the next sentence at you.

Don’t. Let. A N Y O N E. Make. You. Feel. Like. You. Aren’t. Made. Of. Stardust.

Because you are. And you are made of plenty of other great stuff that makes up our cosmos and our brilliant, resilient earth.

You will be judged and criticized and commented upon. And you will be stronger and smarter and better for it.

In the end, you shouldn’t arm yourself against people. Breathe them in, but also exhale them out. You should simply let them wash over you like ocean waves. It’s up to you what stays and what is brought out with the tide.