Tag: peace

Self-Ish

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I’m sure I’ve written about this topic before (maybe even under the same name), but I think it bears repeating. 

It’s not okay to be selfish. But it’s very okay to be self-ish. Let me explain. 

Selfish means that you’re not in touch with the needs of others and that you put yourself before everyone else all of the time. 

Self-ish means you’re in touch with the needs of others and that you put yourself before others some of the time. And that’s really it — some of the time, you need to take care of yourself. So be self-ish. Just ish. Just a little. 

Take yours truly, for example. I’m what you call a workaholic. (I call it overachieving). But whatever you call it, it doesn’t change the fact that I feel guilty and ashamed when I take a lunch break. A break that is provided to everyone equally, but for some reason, is difficult for me to accept. 

Now, I’m not selfish. I certainly don’t take a longer lunch break than anyone else. But I’m self-ish when I take a lunch break. I’m  putting myself and my needs first some of the time when it’s needed. 

So be self-ish sometimes, and you’ll find no reason to be selfish. 

Peace

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There is a breeze flowing through my bedroom widow. The world is quiet. 

I’m at peace.

Go. Put down your screens (tv, phone, computer, etc.) and find your peace. 

I’ll be back tomorrow. You can spare tonight for yourself. 

Don’t Say Anything

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How to deal with an emotional problem in two steps:

1. Find a kind and willing (half-willing will also work) friend.

2. Let yourself rant, rage, and cry for as long as possible. In general, let it all out.

How do I deal with emotional problems?

Let all of my feelings swirl and twirl inside me and come together in a dangerous cocktail that then flows into my blood, poisons me (but I recover), and is then deposited in a black hole near my heart that just continues to grow and consume everything around it, and that will most likely be cancer in 10-12 years.

At least, this is what I think happens. And in my completely unprofessional opinion, I don’t think I’m wrong. Which is why I try to override my instincts as much as possible. Because maybe it’s our oversharing culture, but I feel like the first way, the letting it all out way, is really healthy. The crying, the deep breaths, the talking to someone: it’s cathartic. I feel like if I keep things in, they’ll just fester, like scenario B.

Well, not always.

Usually, as any person who works at a job knows (or really, anyone who is just going about their day in which they meet other humans), they feel a lot of emotions. Frustration, embarrassment, glee, weariness. And so, when they come home to their loved ones, they talk about those feelings, sometimes rather expressively.

But what they don’t realize is that this puts a lot of burden on those same loved ones. Because they feel our happiness but they also feel our stress. So, really, we may be siphoning off our feelings just to overwhelm the buckets of others.

For example, the other day, when I was really frustrated by a number of things, I felt like I was ready to explode…on someone. And I just wasn’t sure who it was going to be.

But before I did that, I lit a candle I love and put on some music, and puttered around a bit. Then, I watched television and laughed a little. But I could still feel my day bubbling up in my chest.

However, I didn’t need it to spill over. After a few hours of this, I felt resolved enough without saying anything about my day at all.

So, what is the solution? For the times when you need comfort, speak. But more often than not, what your soul needs is simply some peace and quiet.

The Sloths Are Never Wrong

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In terms of what planet Earth has to offer, the human race isn’t exactly the star attraction. We aren’t the biggest (blue whales), the fastest (cheetahs), or even the laziest (sloths. But Americans are a close second.) And to top it all off, we are literally killing and destroying our planet.

So, what are humans good at? What have we evolved from monkeys and small amoeba to do? What does evolution have in store for us? Like, if Darwin wanted to win an award for best example of evolution, how would he market us? What would his tri-fold poster look like at the science fair?

Well, let’s see. We’re definitely good at war. We like to fight and dominate and oh yeah, kill. (No wonder “alien” races from outer space stay away!) But so do monkeys. So, that’s not exclusive to us. And we can speak. We have hundreds of thousands of dialects and even more slang words. But any dog can recognize a command in our native tongue, even if it’s just because our voices get a wee bit higher when we speak to them. Okay, then. Okay… a talent, a talent, a talent…well, we invented naps, didn’t we? Nope, it was the sloths again. Rats! (Yup, they even helped us to understand modern medicine with that whole plague fiasco. We really have nothing.)

But the thing is, we do. Humans are great at…adapting. And sure, we can’t change colors, shed our skin, or change our sex automatically (we’re still having a lot of trouble with that one, even though approximately half the animal population can do it, and 100% of the animal population is fine with the fact that the other half are able to do it), but we are good at keeping on.

We can get beat down and get right back up. We can have a complete meltdown that we don’t talk about ever again, but somehow, we are still whole at the end of the day. Somehow, we’re the only animal that experiences intense emotional trauma that we inflict on ourselves. And truly, we’ve made it through some of the worst phyiscal tragedies known to this planet. (Granted, we also brought those on ourselves, but you get it.)

So, don’t worry about the next time that you mess up or you didn’t get what you wanted. Because you are absolutely going to be fine. Actually, you were built for it. You evolved to overcome it all. And if that knowledge still doesn’t work for you? Take a nap. The sloths are never wrong.

Finding Peace

Bailey Gunn1 Comment

If I told you that peace can be found in a quiet room, between a stack of books at a library, in a sunlit copse of trees, on a boat in the middle of the ocean, or perhaps even in the smell of lavender or coffee, you would probably believe me, right?

Because in our minds, these are peaceful things. They seem to invite us in, they are quiet and comforting, and, whether we realize it or not, we expect them to grant their effects instantaneously. For example, wrapping your hands around a warm mug of coffee on an autumn day with the steam rising in your face is going to immediately transport you into a relaxed, if not comatose, state, is it not?

But unfortunately, peace can’t be found in a thing. It can only be found within you.

How do I know this? Well, as you know, I’m struggling to keep my blood pressure down, and one of the biggest problems I have is that I keep thinking about how high my blood pressure is. Which, as you could have guessed, raises it further (maybe if I stop talking about it every night on this blog I would see a difference?)

And if you’ve ever been told not to think about something, then I don’t have to tell you that it’s all you think about. So, knowing that I simply need to calm down and stop dwelling are two different tasks. But nonetheless, I’ve attempted to seek peace to lower my BP. I’ve hummed my favorite songs, counted my breaths, and even tried yoga positions in the shower, to no avail. I keep telling myself, All you have to do is calm down. That’s it. If you just relax, you won’t have to feel this way anymore. 

Which is all fine and good. Except, telling yourself to relax is like trying to tell an elephant not to be so large. You can’t help the way you are made. So, I have also turned to the initial methods that I described: envisioning a calm ocean, sipping on tea or coffee, and smelling lavender to distract me further. Also to no avail.

Of course, we all have a hard time realizing that peace is simply inside of us. Because we think, If I can just set the kids down for a nap or If I just take a long weekend next week or If I just drown myself in good music and good books then I can become centered and stay afloat.

But my body knows that isn’t true, and so does yours. Because the more you try to ignore your problems (like blood pressure) with meaningless images of quiet rooms or trees or situations where you can “finally” kick back, the more you stress out by trying to get there, ignoring the present moment completely. If you stop trying to find peace, ironically, you’ll find it.

Why? Because you will already be living it.

Why We All Love Friday

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Ah, yes, tomorrow is Friday. That holiest and most wonderful of days where the pleasures of sleeping in past our alarms’ urgent ringing and the allure of making up our own schedule (which may or may not consist of doing absolutely nothing) beckons. And who doesn’t wait for Friday? Who doesn’t give in to its romantic appeal? Brittany, it says, Brittany, we’re going to happy hour. You love happy hour on Friday. Aren’t you so excited?

Yes, Brittany. Of course you are excited. You’re allowed to take your mind off things and take things off your mind on Friday. It’s the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card. (Depending on how much you like your job, you can take that whole “jail” concept as literally as you’d like it to go.)

But I have a theory about why we all really love Friday, and it’s not simply because it’s the beginning of our weekend. Rather, it’s the day that we no longer become a slave to time.

Think about it. Monday through Thursday, you work to fit your activities into a single 24-hour period. You’re watching that clock to see when you have permission to stop one thing and start another. Okay, I can take my lunch at 1:00 today since I have a meeting at 2:00, but I can’t forget to drop off the marketing materials at 3:00…Put simply, your entire life is run by what time dictates.

However, there is a different philosophy on Friday, isn’t there? It’s a It can wait ideal. It’s a At least I made it to Friday mindset. And everyone stops looking at the clock. Not because they no longer care about their responsibilities for that week. Not even because their mind is already on the weekend. Quite the opposite: they want time to finally slow down. They want time to take an extra minute’s rest every once in awhile, now that it’s Friday.

My theory? Everyone loves Friday because they are finally living in the moment.

And what does that mean exactly? Well, it means that people have stopped thinking about what will happen next or what has happened before. On Friday, everyone is peaceful because they are present. And so, they are unknowingly practicing mindfulness, a core principle of meditation.

Of course, if this is true, then how do we master this technique on a Tuesday, for instance?

Personally, I like to read to achieve this same result. I can’t jump the track, so to speak, only reading one word at a time, so this is my version of living in the moment. But for you, it could simply be breathing or sitting quietly. As your yogi is probably always reminding you, bring yourself back to the moment. This is all we know for certain, and it is all the peace we have.

So, the next time that you feel yourself yearning for Friday, pull yourself back and cover the hands of the clock with yours. Everything arrives in time, and in that same time, it leaves.

In simpler words, make every single, solitary moment count. Even Friday.

Look Mom, No Pants

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It all started with one very stubborn girl that refused to put her clothes on as a child.

That girl was me. From all of the home movies that I see of myself as a kid, I can testify (and my mother can verify) that I did not like to wear clothes. Apparently, I would simply remove all of my clothes as someone might put up their feet or turn on the television to get comfortable at home.

But even though I may watch my bare bottom fly up a staircase over and over again on tape, I can recognize that all kids went through this phase, where clothes were cumbersome and nudity was freedom. Then, after there were plenty of complaints abut “decency,” all children would grow up to understand that clothes were a necessary part of life, a burden unspoken. (Yes, even I, the perpetually naked toddler now wear clothes regularly. In fact, I like to layer several times over because it is one more barrier between me and the rest of the world.)

But that’s just it. We don’t grow out of that phase when we get older. Really, we just develop a voice inside of us that tells us why it is unacceptable to be nude in public. The instinct, however, still lives inside us. So, like most things, we’re resigned to keep our activities in the sanctity of our houses.

But trust me when I say that everyone knows the joys of sitting around in their underwear. Every person who has to wear a bra knows the absolute ecstasy of slingshotting it across the room. Even, in a less extreme way, a person who is forced to wear a uniform to school or work can revel in wearing a pair of denim jeans or a t-shirt after a long week at the office or the classroom.

And this is how I perceive humanity.

No, not the old public speaking trick of picturing everyone in their underwear.

It’s the idea that deep down, underneath our clothes, we’re all naked. And not only that, when we slip under the sheets of our beds, with someone lying beside us or simply by ourselves, we have no pretense, only our pajamas (or lack thereof). We share our nothingness, and somehow, it is something.

In short, I think if we could focus on the simple pleasures in life that we all know, the desire to get out of uncomfortable clothes or situations, the goal of being comfortably intimate with someone you love, or the way that we all seem to be able to shed the same second skin at the end of a long day, humans would realize that we are no different from one another. And even though we wear clothes, we’re no better than any other organism on this Earth. Pants are not a symbol of intellect, but of oppression, if you ask 4-year-old me (and sometimes, even 24-year-old me.)

Now, I’m not suggesting that everyone should join a nudist colony to connect with their inner and outer selves. Just the opposite: if we are forced to confine our humanity and experiences to the private spaces of our lives that we must work harder to recognize them in public. We must open more dialogue about the topics that we would like to keep hidden. We must all learn to celebrate each other, since they don’t call it a “birthday suit” for nothing.

Don’t “Let it Go.”

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Frozen was a well-calculated Disney formula, full of frosty fun, sisterhood, and, of course, hit songs to listen to until your ears bleed. And the entire franchise has not been so invasive (although their merchandise is even in drug stores, an obvious link) as their mega popular, tour de force, ridiculously catchy melody, “Let it Go.”

But if you aren’t singing Elsa’s solo because you have children and its their favorite, you may be humming it under your breath due to the simple fact that it is a common, calming phrase. How many times have you told yourself to simply “Let it Go,” when you’re angry or upset? And now, how many times do you sing the song after trying to soothe yourself? I thought so. Unfortunately, Disney is the inventor of “ear worms,” and it’s not a coincidence that “Let it Go” is such a popular phrase in our lexicon.

For me, while I love the movie, I see the song as cheapening a lesson that more people need to embrace in a non-Disney environment and on their own time (and in their own pitch).

So, I think we all need a new catchphrase for when things don’t go our way. Instead of letting it go, I try not to pick up anything at all. One of my favorite mantras is to “resist nothing.” Even though I didn’t make it up, I still think it’s the bees knees.

Think about it: any change in your life, any opportunity you are given, any challenge you may face, you simply don’t need to resist it. Just let it happen, instead of trying to “let it go” after you’ve already become upset or anxious about it. Try to take things as they come, one at a time, and be comfortable in the knowledge that you don’t need to be afraid of any of it. If you feel overwhelmed, it’s because you are letting yourself feel overwhelmed.

Now, if only Elsa could have taken a bit of this advice. (But I guess “resist nothing” simply wasn’t as catchy?) Luckily, you can. And you can free yourself from having to perform a musical number every time you need to recenter yourself. I think we should all try “letting go” from “let it go.” Believe me, your mind (and ears) will thank you.

Taste Life

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Author’s Note: Still without my computer, but I am hoping to chug along and pretend everything is normal! Sounds like your life too? Then welcome!

Have you ever been so thirsty that you don’t even care what you’re drinking? Like, this prune juice is seriously slaking my thirst. At that moment, at that level of thirst, the liquid does not even have a taste. You only experience it as a sensation, the chill, the slipperiness down your throat, the shock as the cold finds its way into your warm stomach. And so you drink more because if you could taste it, you might balk at downing it so quickly.

It’s the same with a meal. Have you ever been so excited to go out to your favorite restaurant that when you order your favorite dish you end up inhaling it? And don’t get me started about fitting in food breaks so that you can get back to the 5 bajillion other things you have to do before you can sleep soundly at night, shoveling in crackers and shakes to keep your energy level high but chewing at a minimum.

If this sounds familiar, I’d like to remind you to stay present and to make sure you are tasting your life, every crumb. You need to promise yourself that you will stop woofing down the minutes at work just so that you can get to Friday night. Quit racing home only to sit on the couch. Say no to looking forward to the next year when you haven’t even started this one yet. You’re cheating yourself by not appreciating what you have on your plate right now.

So, slurp, chug, gulp, nibble, suckle, sip, lick, chomp, inhale, and eat your life. But taste every single morsel and minute. Be present and be at peace. Because your next meal is not guaranteed.