Lazy

If you’re like me and you’re abiding by the CDC rules, then you’ve been in your house for a few days. Which results in a few of the following:

  1. Sleeping and spending your day in your pajamas
  2. Not putting on make-up or otherwise brushing your hair
  3. Eating multiple meals over the course of the day

And if you’re like me, you also took advantage of the weekend and slept for many hours. (I think I woke up at noon on Sunday and I have no regrets.)

It’s easy, then, to feel like you’re being a bit lazy with yourself. But I can assure you, if you are anything like me, then you’re also a hardworker. So, a little laziness is to be expected, especially when you’re not allowed to do much of anything during this confusing, and horrifying time.

But how do I know if I’m being too lazy?

Well, that’s up for you to decide. It’s probably in between doing nothing and doing the dishes.

Just do you!

Love,

Bailey

Dreaming

When I was a young girl watching Oprah with my mom after school each day, (I know, cool mom, right?) I took in a lot of wisdom that probably should have been reserved for me much later in life. 

One of my favorite things Oprah said (and I’m about 90% sure I’ve talked about this before, but bear with me) is that life touches you on the arm, then it pokes you, then it slaps you, and finally, it throws up a brick wall (or something to that effect.)

In essence, life is trying to help you figure it out. It sends you messages, little by little, until you get it. But humans, in our infinite intelligence, think that we can do it on our own. Which is when life throws up a brick wall, as if to say, do you get it now??? 

For me, when I start dreaming about something, I know I’ve hit a brick wall. 

That is, I don’t dream about things, or have truly vivid dreams, until I’ve reached my breaking point. (No caffeine, no late night snacks, just pure unadulterated stress makes my brain think up crazy situations just to get me to see reason.)

And last night? I dreamt that every time I left the room, one of the people I was living with was strangled. And then, the strangler would come to me and choke me. And somehow, I would get free, and he would choke someone else and then come looking for me. 

Needless to say, I woke up feeling like someone had had his hands on my neck and it was hard to fall back to sleep. 

So, what’s the meaning here? Well, I believe in every mystical realm and activity under the sun (tarot cards, crystals, herbal medicine, etc.) but I don’t need a scrying mirror to see my brain’s message: you are feeling strangled and suffocated in your life. 

That’s it. I just need to start doing things I love again. And the feelings of being stifled will stop. Brick wall meet sledgehammer. 

And sometimes, it’s just that easy. Try to acknowledge your brain and let it know that you hear it. That you are listening. 

Because for me? I can definitely say now that the message is wholeheartedly received. 

Push Through

The American culture is one of grit. Endurance. Determination. Pushing through pain when you’d love to stop. 

And when you get through all that? Hallelujah! You’re an American! You’ve overcome! Welcome to the rest of your life! 

But what happens when you can’t —

No such thing! 

Uhm, okay. But what happens if you–

Never! 

Yes, but–

NO! Everyone always pushes through and gets it done. 

NO! They don’t! Sometimes you just can’t take it anymore. You have to stop. You have to take a minute and lie down. You have to start over. You have to try again tomorrow. 

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. What’s wrong with that kind of determination? The kind that whispers, “good try. We’re gonna finish this, just not right now.” Isn’t that a beautiful kind of spirit too? Not just slogging through to finish, but to keep going, a little at a time?

Sometimes, I’ll admit it, I just can’t. And so I stop. And I’m ashamed. But I shouldn’t be. Because I’m not being fair to my best self when I keep going. I may win the day when I push through, but at what cost? 

So, I’m not going to be afraid when I take a break. And even more so, I’m going to admit that I actually need one. 

Dreamy

I don’t dream very often. Or rather, to be absolutely correct, I don’t remember my dreams very often. I put my head on the pillow and the next thing I know is that my alarm is going off, and it shouldn’t go off for another 7 hours and–oh, it’s time to wake up. 

And as for dreams? There’s no time. I have to get my beauty rest and worry about the future of the human race before bed. Who even has enough time to dream? 

Well, unfortunately, all of us. At least once in awhile. And probably Freud has a lot to say about it, but for me, when It comes time to dream, it’s intense. And the symbolism is so obvious and so apparent that I’m almost embarrassed for myself in my sleep. It’s like I wake up and just cringe. Oh. So I was naked in front of the whole school because I’m worried about the talent show. Right. No, no, that makes perfect sense. 

So, if you’re like me, and you don’t really dream, then pay attention when you do. 

Your brain is really trying to tell you something and its best course of action is to slip it into your thoughts when you’re sleeping (since it knows it’s too busy during the day). The least that you can do is listen to it. 

Up All Night

“Look at us, baby, up all night.” — the Eagles 

“Nothing ever good happens after 2 A.M.” — Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother

These are my favorite quotes about staying up late at night. And they have another thing in common: they tell us that staying up late is definitely not a good idea. Like, bad stuff goes down. And then you’ve absolutely messed yourself up for the next morning when you’re groggy and sleep deprived and so ready to drown yourself in a vat of caffeine. 

But what else are you supposed to do? When the sun sets at 4:45 and your body starts to fold in on itself with the hope of going to bed, how do you let it? Don’t you have to stay up late? 

My answer is that you do. And it’s actually another one of my resolutions. I’m going to be staying up later each night. Why? Because I don’t have enough time during the day to do the things that I need to. But more than that, I don’t have time during the day to do what I want to do. Which makes Bailey a dull girl. And a very uncreative person. 

I mean, just about every successful person, at some point in their career, has dedicated their time to doing what they wanted to do. 

And a lot of those people swear by getting up in the morning, making some strong black coffee, and doing that thing before life really begins, so that they can have some time to dedicate to their passions. 

And there’s those people and then there’s me. I love my sleep, don’t get me wrong. I’m going to actually dedicate my first book to my pillow because it helps me fulfill my dreams (what?), but if you want to get something done, then you have to …um, do it. And because we’re all overachievers, and we have lives, sometimes the only thing to do is stay up until midnight a few nights a week and resist the urge to get some shuteye in order to do what I wanna do. 

And I can’t wait to stay zzzzzzz…..

Whatever Helps You to Sleep at Night

At first, the title of this blog post seems really dismissive. Like, that sounds great. You do you. Whatever you need to make your eyes close and fall asleep when you have to. (Basically, whatever you need to shut up is totally yours.)

Except, if you look closer and harder, you will realize that, quite simply, that this is the key to life.

You see, I’m sure you’ll be able to recognize the following situation: you slip into some comfortable clothes at the end of the day. Then you jump into bed, get out again to turn off the light that you have forgotten to flick off, and then jump back in. You sort of rub your face on the pillows and pull the sheets just under your chin. Depending on your sleeping persuasion, you then curl into a ball, lie on your back to align your organs, or hike one knee over your shoulder and spread out as far as possible with your tongue hanging out. You count sheep, or fall directly asleep. Riding a wave of your own breathing, no matter how frenzied or smooth.

Until.

You think of something that you could have done during the day. You realize that there was something you could have finished, something you could have started. Something that you could have spent more time on, but you didn’t.

And for whatever reason that is, you didn’t. You were too tired. You had too many things to do. You ran late for some things, were too early for others. You had to put even more others above your own needs and wants.

Yet, here you are, sleepless and incomplete. Hoping beyond hope that you will get a “tomorrow” so that you can finish more things. But of course, not everything. There’s no way to finish everything.

So, my point is that you have to pick and choose. You will always have to do that. But in order to feel complete, you have to stop looking at your priorities as a deadline-driven list. Instead, you need to decide what will help you to sleep at night. Whether that means skipping the gym and going shopping or practicing yoga when you’d rather just fall asleep. At the literal end of the day, you will have to realize that whatever helps you to roll over and dream is better than torturing yourself with a living nightmare.

And at the end of your life, there is nothing more satisfying than a job well done for a long night’s sleep.