Tag: belief

What the Frick Does That Mean, Coco Chanel?

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

Do you ever ponder how a quote becomes a quote? Do people just quote a quote so often it becomes a quote? Or does it have to reach a certain number on the relatability factor before it can be deserving of that little dash and the speaker’s name after it?

To decide, let’s consider this one, by Dr. Seuss:

“Fun is good.”

Huh. The simplicity is definitely attractive in this quote, but I could probably string these three words together myself. In essence, I could have said this quote. In fact, I probably did say it. So, how is it fair that it gets credited to one person?

Let’s try another, by Confucius:

To know what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge.

Thanks for that wisdom, Confucius. Just one question: how am I supposed to know what I don’t know if I don’t know it? Didn’t really think that one through, did ya? (Tongue firmly in cheek, mind you, but you have to admit, he could have taken a few more years to think about this one. Just so there’s no Confucius confusion.)

And finally, we have the fashion icon, Coco Chanel:

Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.

Like, okay. I get it. Don’t try to change something that you can’t change. But how do you know it’s a “wall” not a “door”? What if it just needs a doorknob? Maybe your beating translates to knocking and someone answers it? And how do you know when to stop?

Now, you would probably argue that these people had other quotes that hit home. That these may not be shining examples of their intellect, but these are still incredibly wise people we’re talking about. (Or quoting about.)

And yes, you would be right. Which proves two things about life: one, that even the best and most interesting people don’t always make sense. Yes, truly successful people can sometimes produce non-masterpieces. Yes, they can create badly. And actually, this is what makes them great. Because they are willing to say things that don’t really work in the hopes that they will strike upon something that does.

Which brings me to my second point. These quotes may not appeal to me. They may not ring true for my life.  But they could be important to someone else. Maybe someone needs to be reminded that “Fun is good” on a daily basis. Maybe they need to accept that they don’t know everything. Maybe they need to remember that they can stop when it gets too hard. This is what is so rich and inviting about our lives: we’re on different paths, and yet there is still a universality to our experiences.

So, maybe Coco Chanel knew what she was talking about. And then again, maybe she didn’t. The best part is that you or I don’t have to decide. Just don’t quote me on that.

You Need to Get Good at Dying

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

Okay, let’s all practice now. Hold your breath until you turn blue in the face. Do this until you feel like you can do it on command. Congratulations! Keep doing it, and you’ll be good at dying in no time!

(Please, tell me that you know I’m kidding. I don’t need any of my readers dropping dead on me. What if you die before hitting the “like” button?)

But still, you should get better at dying in a metaphorical sense. And what could I possibly mean by that? I simply mean that you need to get good at saying goodbye, at leaving it all behind, and starting over. Because you are going to be doing that a lot in life, not only with other people, but more often, with yourself.

Let’s see if this scenario is familiar: a person from your past or slightly distant present has a beef with you over something. Whether you forgot to text him/her last night or you weren’t keen to listen to their latest drama-filled story, you brushed them off, accidentally. What is the first stone thrown in the argument that ensues? You’ve changed. The old (insert your name here) wouldn’t act this way. The old (insert your name here) was my friend. 

Except, what that other person is really saying is that you are not acting in accordance with how he or she thought you should act. How dare you not stick to the script of your own life!

Which is just about as ludicrous as it sounds. You, believe it or not, are going to die a few “deaths” in your lifetime. You, though your friend may not believe it, are going to change, radically. You may have already “died” a few times already, as you had to reinvent yourself to survive. When you first experienced heartbreak, when you moved out of your parents’ house, when you lost someone who was close to you, etc.

Now, anyone who has lost someone dear to them can tell you that they are never really gone. We carry them with us because they’re bodies were too tired to carry the weight of their full soul. And that is what will happen to you. You will die, in a sense, but continue to live. You will say goodbye to the person that you once were, but you will never lose them. You will simply tuck that part of you away, for safekeeping.

And you should. Humans, by nature, have to adapt. We need to be able to keep changing and growing with our environment. It would be a real, true sort of death if we weren’t able to do that. If we weren’t able to keep going after we thought life had ended for us.

Of course, I’m sure you’re worried about losing yourself in this dying in life process. What if I shed a layer of myself that I wanted to keep? Well, put simply, everyone has a lighthouse inside them. The seas of our souls can get stormy, and they can obscure the lighthouse, sometimes the ocean spray can put the light out altogether. But you can and will relight them.

You see, people fall in love with each other’s lighthouses. That is to say, people fall in love with the core of who they are, not who you are or who you were or who you will be. They fall in love with something far less tangible and far more constant.

In the end, you need to get good at dying. You need to recognize that you will never live forever as the person that you are, but that you will build and create yourself, the person you were always meant to be. The sooner you say goodbye, the easier it will be to begin anew. Like the tides that meet the shore, you will fade and ebb and then surge and surge again. You can rely on this cycle, as so many boats out to sea rely on you.

To Kill a Robin

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I don’t exactly live in the wilderness, but I certainly don’t live in a concrete jungle. The most common creatures I see on a walk through my neighborhood are deer, songbirds, and the occasional Scottish terrier followed by the traditional senior, suburban citizen.

So, I wasn’t really surprised when walking with my mother recently to find a robin. What was rather intriguing was the fact that it was in the middle of a quiet road and that it let us get ridiculously close to it. Being the adventurers we are, we were thoroughly curious, but we knew that our proximity probably wasn’t a good sign. We knew something had to be wrong with it. Trying to inspect it, we didn’t see anything at first, but we weren’t convinced that it was a healthy omen of spring.

I should also mention at this point that in addition to being adventurers, we are also do-gooders. And we couldn’t let this poor robin sit in the middle of the road. Sure, it was a quiet street, but it was a street nonetheless. We had to figure out how to move the robin out of more danger’s way. It certainly wasn’t afraid of us, but it didn’t react to our incredibly convincing “shooing” gestures either. What could we do?

I finally decided that I would have to pick it up. But just shy of cupping him or her in my bare hands, I took off my shirt. (I had a shirt underneath, you dirty birds). I tried to swaddle him when he started to hop forward. When I went to attempt it again, he moved a couple more inches. By the time that I corralled him to the curb, without having to touch him, a car was patiently waiting for me to finish my half-hearted rescue mission. Time had run out, and this was all that we could do for the creature.

As we started to walk away, I heard my mother conclude that here was something wrong with its wing, so for better or worse, we had to leave it at the side of the road. Like a helicopter parent on the first day of kindergarten, we kept looking over our shoulder as we walked on. It didn’t comfort my nerves or my stomach that I saw plenty of hawks flying over my head as we trudged home, minds turned to the inevitable circle of life.

In addition to being  an adventurer and a do-gooder, I am apparently also a masochist. I returned the next day to the spot, with one eye squinting as if I had eaten something sour, not wanting to see what I thought I would see. No small robin carcass rotting in the sun, though. Once again, I was thoroughly surprised. But this time, I was also overjoyed. I started walking again, a spring in my step.

Until I realized that it could have been scooped up by a hungry, flying predator, with no evidence of a struggle to leave behind. (The reason for my masochism, of course). The thought made me cringe and lose any happiness I felt when I saw the absence of a small corpse.

But then, I slowly realized, as I kept walking, that my happiness was never hinged on whether the robin would survive. It was only about doing what I could to help it, however insignificant to the grand scheme of it all. And I knew that even though my second thought had been rather morbid, it was only my first expression of hope that truly mattered. It was only the fact that I had tried, even though it had been possibly in vain and what I hoped to be true.

Belief is all about what we can’t see. What you choose to believe is completely up to you, especially when there is very little evidence of a foregone conclusion. And so, you define your own happiness or your own sorrow in the very idea of what you believe in.

I didn’t want that robin to die, and I choose to believe that he or she didn’t. I could be wrong, and I could be right. But I can’t prove either. And isn’t that wonderful that it doesn’t matter at all?

Your Life is a Woman on Acid

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

I originally saw this video on Mentalfloss, and if you have never visited Mentalfloss, you should leave this blog right now and go experience that wonderful site.

Now, if you haven’t slipped down a black hole of knowledge there, and you are back reading this blog, then I need you to watch this video. And turn your sound on. (I know, I know. I’m asking a lot of you today.)

For some reason, this video really stuck with me. For one, the woman sounds exactly like a Disney princess. So, it is basically like a Disney princess doing acid. For another, you don’t know who to feel sorry for: the doctor who does not understand “reality,” or the woman who can’t put “reality” into words. The entire thing is a bit unsettling.

But not for the reasons that you might think. It’s not unsettling because the woman has ingested an hallucinogenic drug. And it’s not unsettling that we, like voyeurs, are watching her attempt to understand the world around her.

It’s the skeptic tone in the doctor’s voice that is so strange. She even notes that his presence does not allow her to become “one” with everything. I know that he is trying to be a good scientist. He is trying to get an objective account of what she is seeing. But for some reason, I felt that I had heard a voice like his before.

And I realized that I had. It came from everyone in the world who ever refused to believe in what someone was saying. I started to realize that the woman was just anyone who had ever had an opinion, a dream, or an idea. And the man was someone who did not believe in the sanctity of that opinion, dream, or idea. You will notice in the video that he does not move to ease her discomfort when she is completely confused about why he can’t see beautiful colors or shapes in the corner. He does not try to make her feel better by telling her that he sees it, too. He simply allows her to think whatever she wants. And she’s visibly frustrated by his non-reaction.

This is the dynamic of the entire world. One person understands and sees a reality unlike the rest of us. And other people don’t understand. Other people are technically not even on the same plane. Other people are confused or bothered by our perception of the world.

But that doesn’t mean you should stop believing. It doesn’t mean you should stop describing what you understand. Whether it be religion, equality, or your own success. Like this woman, you need to be strong in your conviction, even in the face of people who literally do not share your vision.

You have to understand that this woman truly believes in what she is seeing. Her fear is real. Her wonder is real. Her love is real. The only question is: can you say the same of yourself?

The Confidence to be Wrong

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

Last night, I talked a little about self-esteem issues. (You should probably just go read the post from yesterday.)

But since we all like to be lazy, I will provide a brief summary of what I said. Pretty much from the dawn of time we have been told that we need to love our (then caveman) selves. We need to walk into a room and shine. We need to puff our chest out, swing our hips, and smile our flashiest smile. We need to act like we are the best thing since snuggies and snapchat combined.

We falter sometimes. We have bad weather days. But often, when we put on our favorite shirt or shoes, when we apply a bright color of lipstick, when we get our hair just right, it’s not hard to convince the world that we’re the cat’s pajamas.

You see, instilling confidence in ourselves isn’t that hard when we are told that we need to believe that we’re special and kind. That we are fun to be around and that we matter. Doesn’t everyone want to think that about themselves? Doesn’t everyone hope that’s true?

Even though it can be a struggle, we all want to believe that we are the heroes of our own story, not the villain. We’re all fighting to believe that we are right in our lifestyle, interests, and beliefs.

But we’re so busy trying to keep ourselves afloat that we’re not sure how to cope when we sink a little. It’s the opposite of self-esteem: knowing how to be confident when we’re wrong.

When we’ve been fighting tooth and nail to assert ourselves, and then the rug gets tugged out from under us, it’s a sickening feeling. Oh, I made a mistake, you might say. You shrink to about an inch tall. And you’re vulnerable and pale and sweating. You pray that your deodorant is working. You start to think about all of the other things that you could have been wrong about in your life. Your career choice. Your significant other. Your choice of toothpaste. Suddenly, your confidence is gone, and you doubt yourself wholeheartedly. Being right and believing in yourself is easy. Being wrong? Not so much.

The truth is, confidence has been taught as a one-way street. Along with being taught to take pride in ourselves (in all the good) we need to be taught to take pride in our falls (in all the things we would prefer not to applaud.)

Come, say it with me, everyone makes mistakes. From Johnny Depp to Santa Claus, everyone has flaws. And the faster you can stand up and say that you accept yourself for who you are, every freckle and wrinkle in between, the more complete your confidence can be. The more you won’t crack under the pressure of scrutiny. The more you can be yourself.

So, with the same chest puffing and smiling you give when you stand up to say I’m right, do the same when you are wrong. There is really no difference between them; only that you learn a more valuable lesson from one of them. Neither can change who you are.

We’re All a Little Like Tinkerbell

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

In the lore of Peter Pan, it is said that the small pixie Tinkerbell needs applause to live. If she is believed in, she continues to exist. Legend also says that when the story was adapted into a play, the audience were instructed to clap for Tinkerbell by Peter Pan. In case the audience wasn’t so inclined, the director made sure that the pit would fill in if needed. Luckily, that wasn’t required, as the audience applauded uproariously for Tink. It would seem that she would live to act another day.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we’re all a little Tinkerbell. We all want to feel loved or adored, and we want to know how much people love or adore us. In fact, we all like to be applauded into existence. What do you think the “like” button is? It’s just silent applause. What do you think a pat on the back is? It’s just a one handed clap. We’re all looking for acceptance in our life. We’re all pixie dust and self-esteem issues.

And so, I’m sure you won’t be surprised to know that sometimes we don’t always get the applause that we need to “survive.” Sometimes, we get the tomatoes. Sometimes, we get the “hook.” And sometimes, if we’re really lucky, we get crickets, the only thing that punctuates the silence that engulfs us.

The secret is that you are not a pixie, although you are a magical being, I’m sure. You won’t die if you aren’t approved of (even though it may feel like it when you are living on social media.) In fact, you will live in spite of not being accepted. How? You will continue on. In other words, you will keep going. We only begin to falter in our journeys, we only start to question our path, when we look around to see what everyone else is doing, when we try to compare ourselves. If Peter Pan is any testament, all we need is belief to be able to do anything we wish (even fly).

So, don’t stop just because you haven’t received your daily dose of applause. Rise up because there is still time left to earn it from yourself. With a little magic, you are possible.

How Do People Run Out of Gas?

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

The sight of brake lights is infuriating whether you are heading home or leaving it.

This was certainly the case when I took a right to jump on the fast-track this evening and saw that one lane was completely blocked. People were performing the typical shenanigans of driving as far as they could, where the lane was still open, and then quickly flicking on their indicator and pulling in front of the people who were already in the second lane. And, as usual, we all slowed down to have a look at what was causing the blockage. Would it be a grisly accident? A traffic violation?

None of the above, in fact. I saw a woman standing nervously next to her car, chewing her nails, while a man in a dark coat poured gas into her tank, her hazard lights blinking to a steady rhythm.

Okay, no problem. Just swerve around the scene and continue forward, I thought. 

Except, it got me thinking: who actually runs out of gas and has to stop in the middle of a busy intersection?

I mean, you have a dashboard meter and lights that warn you when you are low. And then lights and sounds to alert you when you are dangerously low. And it is not like we were in a rural area. My bet was this person had plenty of times to stop and get gas, passed at least a dozen gas stations. But that’s what she did: passed them by, only to land in the middle of a lane, choking rush hour traffic.

So, I ask again: who actually runs out of gas and has to stop in the middle of a busy intersection?

Well, anyone who didn’t know they were losing their job. Anyone who didn’t know their significant other was cheating on them. Anyone who didn’t know how out of shape they were until they joined a gym. So, this is to say: everyone. Everyone can run out of gas and stop in the middle of a busy intersection only to be helped by a complete stranger.

Why? Because people are terrible at reading the signs. We’ve completely turned off our instincts now that we don’t have to hunt for our own food. We rely on ignorance and are blissful.

But they are there. There are still signals that can help us to realize what is happening before it is right in front of us. In fact, some of these signs are so loud and annoying that they are like an empty gas tank alert. Yet, we keep going, keep driving. Hoping that we can make it before our time runs out.

The truth is we are never completely blindsided in this life. Whether we decide that we will deny the obvious or that we are truly oblivious, we miss the signs.

Oprah has this great quote that says essentially, “life will whisper to you. And if you don’t pay attention it, it gets louder until it’s like getting hit in the head. Then, if you don’t pay attention to that, you get smacked with a brick. And then, when you really aren’t getting it, an entire brick wall falls down.” And if you haven’t realized what life is trying to do before the brick wall, then you are going to have a hard time. Of course, it would be really great if our entire lives had dashboards like cars, where the lights would brighten when there was a problem or to tell us that we were low on something.

But we don’t have that. We only have our hearts, which are terrific compasses, when we allow them to be. Yet, it does not matter how good a sign, a piece of advice, or a set of directions is: it only matters how well we listen to it.

You’re Invited

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

I think people are still waiting for the weekend. I think people are still counting down the days until it’s vacation. I think people are still waiting until they have more time. I think people are still waiting for their sign. I think people are still accepting advice from their horoscope. I think people are still waiting to be told they are good enough.

I don’t think people understand that there isn’t a green light for them. There isn’t a white checkered flag. There isn’t a pit crew waiting to change their tires. Everything is set into motion the minute we are born, and if we are lucky, the clock will still be wound when we are long gone.

But for whatever reason, people don’t think that this is their life right now. They are told  that they need to be adults before their opinion matters. They need to be taller to ride this ride. They need to be older to make this phone call. Then, as adults, they watch their dreams die, and it feels like nothing ever mattered at all.

The truth is you are the Captain Oh! Captain of your life, and no one can tell you what you should or shouldn’t do with it. The entire world is your oyster and—okay, so you think, I’ve acknowledged this. I know I should be embracing the world. So, what happens next? Where is the giant novelty check with my name on it?

I think we have all been a tad mislead in this department. Everyone tells you that opportunity knocks. But that’s not altogether true. Opportunity only knocks when your doorbell is broken. And you break or disconnect your doorbell when  you expect people to just walk in because you’ve been waiting for them to arrive. Opportunity knocks when you’ve made that the only option.

But people don’t do this. Instead, people wait for their fairy godmother to give them a lottery ticket to catapult them into their dream life. People expect to be escorted to their carriage so that it can take them down the smoothest path of most happiness and least resistance.

Believe me, I’ve been waiting, too. Waiting for words to spill out on a page. Waiting for my abs to show up (they’re always late to the party). Waiting for my life to be what I want it to be.

So, just in case you have been waiting like me:

You’re Invited!

What: The rest of your life

When: Right now

Where: Wherever you please

Here it is. Here is the invitation to get out there and make a difference. To show the world that you aren’t good at accepting the status quo. To transform yourself into the person that you’ve always wanted to be while keeping your roots firmly in place. To finally look forward to each new day, instead of looking back.

I love the saying: “Life is what gets in the way when you are making plans.” Because that’s just it. Everyone is so concerned about living that they forget to actually, well, live. It’s like taking pictures at a party of everyone smiling and having fun so that you can look back at the photos in a few years and then forgetting to actually smile and have fun at the party when you are there.

This is it, people. This is your life. The curtain is open, and the audience is waiting for you to do something besides stand and breathe. They’re ready for your solo or monologue, and you are most certainly ready to give it. So, what are you waiting for? I can tell you what you aren’t waiting for now: an invitation. You have one. So, get out there and shine.

Be Like Stained Glass

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

My parents got into stained glass when I was young. (I realize that I just made it sound like a new street drug, but stay with me.)

I can distinctly remember creeping down the wooden stairs of my basement to peer through the small space between the wall and the staircase to watch my father shape the glass pieces he was using. The shrill sound that the machine made as he meticulously ran the piece against it is still loud in my ears. Then he would take a ribbon of copper-colored foil and cover the edges of the glass with it. After that, he would make sure that the foil had stuck to the glass by using a plastic knife to flatten it. When he was finished, he would carefully solder it all together, the liquid droplets streaming like mercury, to make a small angel or a hot air balloon or a sunflower or a unicorn. Soon enough, his creations would pepper every window in our house and our friends’ houses. Then, when we needed a new creation, my mother would take me to the stained glass store so that she could pick out clear dark blues, milky pinks, and opalescent whites. Sunlight would strike the shop through the windows and illuminate her choices with dust motes swirling.

And so, I’ve always loved stained glass. I’ve sat in churches, fading in and out out of sermons, wondering how anyone could get that much detail into a window, how they could render the images of saints and souls in vivid color. I would watch light shift and undulate through the panels, making them shimmer and come to life.

But in the end, coming to life is what it is all about. We’re all stained glass windows. No, really. Light shines through us all of the time, through what we do and what we feel. We let light pass through us out into the world, and we also let light pass into us from the world. We are simply mediums for what we see and experience. This is living.

But what will you do with your life? Will you make it more than you were given?

Because you always have a choice: you can be the window, everyday. You can let the light shine through you, no matter how smudged or mud-covered you may get. (And that’s good enough. I promise you that). But you can also be the stained glass window, in which light not only shines through you, but allows you to project color and beauty outward. Through this, you are able to give something back to the world when it is giving so much to you.

So, what will it be for you? Will you dazzle in a technicolor display? Will you, no matter what, let the light shine through you? Will you be like stained glass?

I hope more than anything that you will. Because once you see yourself for the piece of art that you are, you will make use of the light that shines through you.

Winning the Lottery is a Great Way to Die

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

Yes, if you haven’t heard, the Powerball Jackpot is up to a whopping $500 million dollars.

And if you really haven’t heard this news, then it’s probably because you haven’t been watching the news, or it’s because you’ve been fantasizing about what you’ll do with all of the money.

So, what will it be? Pay off your debt? Buy a new house? Move to another country? Own a yacht? Donate to charity? Get a sporty sports car? Quit your job in the most dramatic way possible?

Of course, this is not to mention all of the things that you’ll have to do when you hit it big: hide from relatives, remain anonymous, donate to your alma mater, squirrel it all away or blow it one shot, enroll in therapy to cope with your losses.

See, the problem with winning the lottery is that it is completely life-changing (says the girl who has only won prizes out of a claw machine and knows nothing about actually winning the lottery). But, sans experience, if you really think about it, if you think about coming into a lot of money, you’ll find that there are a lot of parallels to dying. No, seriously:

  1. There is a formal announcement. (People who aren’t your relatives may cry. Your relatives may cheer.)
  2. Everyone pretends that they know you. (And show up at the most inconvenient times).
  3. You have to disappear for awhile. (Whether you come back is really up to how much you win and how much debt your relatives are in).
  4. You have to give up your current lifestyle, sometimes unwillingly. (Which is exactly like death because, well, you know, you’re dead.)
  5. Relatives have to sort through your belongings. (And decide what to move into your new castle).
  6. You realize that it was your health that mattered all along. (Again, death sort of puts a stopper on anything “health-related”).

And so what do I mean by all of this? More money is the way to solve my problems, you say. And it is in some ways. I’m not about to sit here and tell you that my student loans have gone away because I have been wishing on every 11:11 I see.

But there is a price to receiving gobs and gobs of money. What everyone doesn’t realize is that when you receive it, you have to give up a lot, too. You inevitably experience a sort of death in society, as it were. And it really isn’t a happy demise. (If you need specific examples, google every single celebrity ever.)

Let’s face it: you have to give up your sense of anonymity because everyone knows the person who won 500 mil at the office, drug store, mall, etc. You have to give up your current life because everyone is going to call you a cheapskate if you don’t buy a mansion, and everyone is going to whisper when you pour every cent into a new Ferrari. But most of all, you have to give up your sense of humanity. Sure, you can donate to charity, and it will most likely make you feel good. But you’ll never be able to really empathize with the struggles of the common man or woman ever again. You’ll be a ghost, looking in.

The point is, if you say that you need more money in your life, you are simply looking to deaden yourself to the world. You are simply saying that you would prefer to disappear. What you really need to be saying is that I need more love in my life. And when you have that, you begin to realize that all of the best things in life are truly free.