That is Not What I Meant At All; That is Not It, At All.

That is one line in “The Love Song by J. Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Eliot.

It’s a gorgeous poem, and if you get a chance, you should read it. (I’ll even pardon you if you must leave this blog to go read it. But you should come back because I have other things to say.)

Although the poem has such gems as Do I dare disturb the universe? or In the room the women come and go, talking of Michelangelo, the most powerful line for me is the one I’ve inserted into the title.

Because it’s absolutely mad.

I mean, you have to be a famous poet to write that line. To suggest that when people misinterpret what you say, you will have the chance to correct them. Wow. I mean, that deserves some applause. “That is not what I meant at all; that is not it, at all.” Do you know how the world replies to that? Too bad.

Because everyone is off and judging before the word “go.” Anything you ever write or say or do is going to be misinterpreted and misjudged. Whether you meant anything by it or not, people will read between the lines that you never intended. I wish there was a nicer way to say this, but chances are you will never give off the impression that you want. Meaning is not for you to hold on to; it is for the world to decide.

So, if it doesn’t matter what you mean, why am I telling you this? If you can never make people understand your exact vision, then what’s the point?

The point is you can’t hide because you aren’t sure of the impression you will make. Simultaneously, you cannot try to tell people that they aren’t understanding you correctly. Because that’s an endeavor in futility. It’s like standing in a modern art museum and trying to convince everyone that every piece deserves to be there. It’s simply not happening. Besides, in everyone’s minds, they are the masterful painter of their own reality, not you.

So, let people think what they will, and try your best not to correct them. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, whether you believe it or not.

The Shadow Curriculum

As an unemployed college graduate, I have a lot of knowledge in my head, and a lot of time on my hands. There is an irony inherent in this. In college, I wished for an hour to nap. I wished that I wouldn’t have to go to bed after 3:00 AM, just one night. I wished, you guessed it, that I had more free time. An adage comes to my mind…but I can’t remember all of it…something about being careful about what you…

Well, you get it. But it is a rather painful situation that college grads are met with. One moment we are immersed in this collegiate environment that hands us knowledge, daily, and gives us the means to express ourselves. We have peers with which to hold lofty conversations about our studies with, but mostly we just talk about our favorite movies and books (which can be just as stimulating.) We sample different cultures and cuisines, even on our limited budget. We are constantly being bombarded with new things, and eternally maturing and growing.

And then we graduate. And it’s the day we’ve all been waiting for. Or is it?

Because those of us who can’t get a job right out of college (we are the majority), take a hiatus from learning. We no longer drag ourselves out of bed so that we can practice a new skill or theory. We are lucky if we get out of bed at all.

I’m unwilling to succumb to this routine. I’m a perpetual student, and I firmly believe that not all learning happens inside the classroom, but that it is also augmented by the study habits and diligence of the pupil.

So, I had an idea. Actually, Jerry Spinelli had an idea in my second favorite book of all time Love, Stargirl. (My favorite book of all time? It’s Stargirl.) In this novel, the quirky main character is home-schooled, but has a “shadow curriculum.” So, she learns her math, science, and history. And then she learns meditation, learns about ladybugs, takes field trips, or anything she wants.

I was one of the rare people in college who never wanted class or my education to end, not really. And now, with my own shadow curriculum, it won’t. But in general, I think we all need to incorporate more of what we love into our daily lives. I hope it inspires you to create your own!

Monday-Meditation
-Do yoga. Read about meditation. Take time to erase yourself.

Tuesday-Novel Writing
-Learn how to write a novel. Write that novel.

Wednesday-Poetry
-Read or write poetry. Discover a new poet.

Thursday-DJing
-Mix a new playlist. Learn about a new artist.

Friday-Drawing
-Draw a doodle. Paint something. Just create.

Look out for my shadow curriculum blogging in the future!