Tag: stress

Shower Singing

Bailey Gunn1 Comment

Author’s Note: 

I love this post. We are our truest selves when we are alone and clean. Please enjoy my thoughts for a second time!

An underrated art form, really.

Whether you use the shampoo bottle or the shower head as your microphone, you have probably belted out a few choruses under the hot stream of a shower once or twice during your time here on Earth.

But what is it about shower singing that makes it so attractive, so universal?

Well, for one, the acoustics in bathrooms are usually to die for. It’s like, I didn’t know my voice had so much vibrato, but in here, with all this soap in my eye, I can really hit that high G. For another, you’re completely alone. (Unless, of course, your cat wanders in, thinking that it hears another cat, composing some screechy mating call love song, or because it believes that it has finally found the warmest place in the house.)

But for whatever reason, being in the shower makes you feel like you have this hidden talent for singing and that you would totally pursue it if you didn’t get stage fright so easily. (Sing naked? Sure! Sing in front of people I know who may judge me for things I can’t control? Not so much.)

Of course, before you try out for The Voice, I want you to consider something: maybe you feel like you can sing because you’re relaxed. And if that’s the case, think of everything else that would come naturally to you if you could do it without nerves, without fear of judgment. If you allowed yourself to do so.

I mean, really. If you’re anything like me, you don’t sing in the shower because you genuinely believe that you have a lovely voice. You sing because it is comforting, perhaps tapping into some memory of a lullaby when you were younger. Or maybe, you just want to entertain yourself, making up new lyrics to an old favorite.

Whatever the reason, as we’ve discussed, you have no audience when you are sudsing up (except maybe for your tabby). Which is polar opposite to the rest of your life. On the bus, at work, in a park, even pumping gas, you have an audience. Someone, somewhere, even for five seconds, is looking at you, thinking about you, seeing you (horribly creepy, I know). And you are so very aware of it. It’s why we toss our hair, or smooth our shirt, or wipe our mouths. We are aware of this gaze, all of the time.

So, to completely escape this voyeurism, I believe we sing for ourselves in the shower. We take back it all back from the wandering eyes of humanity by doing something that is for our ears only. And isn’t that wonderful, that we acknowledge our own needs for once? And isn’t that so powerful, to be unburdened by clothes or the urge to perform for someone else?

In the end, it doesn’t really matter if your voice is good or not. Rather, it is with what intent that you sing, or do anything, that makes it beautiful.

L’esprit de l’escalier

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Surprise!! Here I am blogging on a Friday night. While you, on the other hand, are probably out partying and enjoying your life, and not going to see this until tomorrow. But it will be here when you return! Just like me…

Of course, the other people who are sitting all alone tonight are doing what I’m doing: trying to decompress from the week. It takes awhile, and it isn’t a pretty process. (Mostly because I wear pants with ducks on them and repeatedly rub my eyes until they are bloodshot.) De-stressing can take even longer when you are finally laying in bed at night, moving over the details of the day, cringing at every embarrassing moment, chuckling at every sarcastic thought. All of those unspoken words. All of those moments that passed without a second glance. All of those missed opportunities. The pain is suddenly physical when you think of what you should have said to your boss, partner, friend, etc. and what you only muttered in your mind.

The French call it L’esprit de l’escalier or “elevator wit.”  It describes the feeling you have when you leave a situation and think of the perfect comeback or the most succinct line. Of course, the rest of the world is a bit more uncouth and imprecise when it comes to this emotion. We call it regret. Our lives are full of it, moments that we wish we could take back, do over, and replay in our minds.

Except, life isn’t a movie or a filmstrip. You can’t cut it into pieces and edit it together the way you want it. You aren’t delivering lines from a script. You’re speaking. And while it feels good to tell someone what’s on your mind, sometimes it has real consequences. For example, instead of sashaying away with a renewed confidence after telling off your ex (like every romantic comedy ever), you might find that you feel just as empty inside as the day he or she left. Only worse because you just verbally abused someone who once cared about you.

Or what about telling your boss exactly what you think of your job? Sure, it is momentarily satisfying. Until you get in the elevator by yourself. And you replay all of that “wit” you had only moments ago. And you realize that you have to return to face your problems all over again tomorrow. No “exit stage left” like on the big screen. (However, the crying into a tub of ice cream is very, very real.)

The point is, nothing is perfect the first time. That’s why they call it a second chance. You’re allowed, and encouraged, to try again. So, if you’re having a bad case of l’esprit de l’escalier at night, and you can’t sleep because what you didn’t say is tormenting you, write it down for later. You may find that your snarky comeback will finally have a time and a place someday. Or you may find that it never really applied to the situation at all. Deciding which course of action to take is called wisdom. And that translates in every language.

Don’t “Let it Go.”

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Frozen was a well-calculated Disney formula, full of frosty fun, sisterhood, and, of course, hit songs to listen to until your ears bleed. And the entire franchise has not been so invasive (although their merchandise is even in drug stores, an obvious link) as their mega popular, tour de force, ridiculously catchy melody, “Let it Go.”

But if you aren’t singing Elsa’s solo because you have children and its their favorite, you may be humming it under your breath due to the simple fact that it is a common, calming phrase. How many times have you told yourself to simply “Let it Go,” when you’re angry or upset? And now, how many times do you sing the song after trying to soothe yourself? I thought so. Unfortunately, Disney is the inventor of “ear worms,” and it’s not a coincidence that “Let it Go” is such a popular phrase in our lexicon.

For me, while I love the movie, I see the song as cheapening a lesson that more people need to embrace in a non-Disney environment and on their own time (and in their own pitch).

So, I think we all need a new catchphrase for when things don’t go our way. Instead of letting it go, I try not to pick up anything at all. One of my favorite mantras is to “resist nothing.” Even though I didn’t make it up, I still think it’s the bees knees.

Think about it: any change in your life, any opportunity you are given, any challenge you may face, you simply don’t need to resist it. Just let it happen, instead of trying to “let it go” after you’ve already become upset or anxious about it. Try to take things as they come, one at a time, and be comfortable in the knowledge that you don’t need to be afraid of any of it. If you feel overwhelmed, it’s because you are letting yourself feel overwhelmed.

Now, if only Elsa could have taken a bit of this advice. (But I guess “resist nothing” simply wasn’t as catchy?) Luckily, you can. And you can free yourself from having to perform a musical number every time you need to recenter yourself. I think we should all try “letting go” from “let it go.” Believe me, your mind (and ears) will thank you.

Believing in Belief

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Every holiday season, the “b” word starts to form on a lot of people’s lips.

No, not that “b” word. (Although I am sure you could find some use for other “b” words in your vocabulary.) I’m talking about the other “b” word. As in, “believe.”

Suddenly, around this time of year, we are asked to believe in miracles, in Santa, in people. The holidays seem to be formed around belief.

But what about believing the rest of the year? Does belief take its own holiday? (Looking at religious institutions, I am sure that many religious leaders will tell you that it does.)

But why? Why do we only emphasize belief once a year?

Well, I say we should do something about it. We should start inviting belief in out of the cold before the holidays. We need to start believing in belief all year round.

Because belief changes everything. When you believe in yourself, you own the room. When you believe in a higher power, you feel secure and loved. When you believe that people are terrible and capable of nothing, well, you know what to expect when bad things happen, now don’t you? Belief will keep you young at heart, no matter how old you get.

And belief costs nothing. It does not expire. And just because someone may have a different belief than you does not mean that yours will be lessened.

Of course, I understand why people don’t. Belief in anything, not just religious faith, makes us vulnerable. It suggests that we have a weakness. It gives our enemies the rope to make a noose. But it doesn’t have to be this way. If we allowed ourselves to have beliefs, then we could then tolerate them in others.

So, this holiday season you should give more. You should smile more. And of course, you should believe more. But after the holidays are done, you should keep belief around. For those resolutions that you rarely, ah, resolve and beyond. Make belief as real a part of your life as the stress is, and you will be able to balance it all out. Believe me.

Life Sucks, and Then You Get a Hot Tub

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No, not a hot tub machine. Just a regular one. But it’s still great.

You see, if you’re anything like me, you don’t even know you are stressed out. You’re moving day to day at lightning speed, trying to fit in everything before you put your head on the pillow. And then suddenly, you are crying in a fetal position, wiping your eyes and feeling a giggle rise up in your throat as you realize that you need to take a break. (And you need to do more than eat a kitkat.)

So, what do you do? Read a book? Listen to music? Take a walk?

Perhaps. But in essence, you need to submerge yourself in something other than your daily life. For me, it is more literal. Because there is nothing lovelier than submerging myself in a hot tub. The wind and the water are enough to bring me back to where I need to be.

But a hot tub, I’ve realized, is only a giant metaphor for how you are actually feeling. When you get in, you don’t realize how hot it is after you’ve been swimming around. This is the same with your stress: you don’t realize how anxious you have been feeling because it is your norm. Then, as you sink in, the water starts to evaporate into the air, and so do your worries. And of course, you have stripped down to your bathing suit or shorts. This is also a metaphor: when you are at your most vulnerable, you can start to heal.

But getting into the hot tub is not enough. You need to let yourself relax. Convince yourself that you actually deserve to put your feet up. Without that, you will literally feel like you are drowning in the very hot tub. The heat will feel too close instead of melting into you like a second skin.

So, do you need a physical hot tub to have a good time? Of course not. But if you don’t let yourself into the mental one from time to time, if you don’t let yourself let go, you will become clogged and full of stress. Open up your jets, and let the relaxation flow.

What’s Important

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They say to stick to what’s important. In writing a plot, and in the plot of life.

But what happens when the “important things” in life are always changing? In middle school, the important thing was to have a lot of friends (and not be the last one to have a date to the dance). In high school, there were similar goals, alongside of being in tons of clubs and extracurricular activities in order to create a robust college application. Then college arrived, where priorities changed on a daily basis (do I want to go to this party, or do I want to finish this paper? Why don’t I do both at the same time?) After that came the real world where finding a job, not to mention one in your field that actually fulfills your wildest fantasies and satiates your passion, is paramount.

So, how do you focus on what’s important when the line blurs everyday? When our values change, and we have a hard time discerning permanence from instant gratification? I can assure you that the National Honor Society elections were incredibly critical for me about 5 years ago, but now I can assure you that my status as the president of the National Honor Society has never come up in conversation. (Yes, the president for NHS now runs a cheeky blog that complains and preaches a lot to strangers on the Internet.)

Truthfully, you simply need to accept the transient nature of goals and ideals. They are going to change as you reach them, or you are going to modify them to better fit your own needs. Once you recognize an accomplishment as signifying the very trophy you may have received for it (that is, a symbol of your hard work that is placed on a dusty shelf and revisited seldom), you will begin to free yourself up for the next one. Goals are meant to be reached and set aside so that new ones can crop up in their place.

What’s important in your life should never be considered a constant or a staple. What’s important is only important for a short amount of time. So, if you worry that your friends, family, or religion is not playing as big of a part in your life than it once did, it means that you are growing to fit new ideas. You need to wear your values as a second skin, that sloughs off cells and regrows new ones to fit the growing dimensions of you. Without doing that, you limit yourself tremendously.

So, go naked in your new skin. Be proud of what you value, but do not let it control or define you. What you believe in is as impermanent as your own short life. Don’t be fooled into thinking that what’s important is truly, after all, always important.

Need a Vacation? Then Stop Taking Life So Seriously.

Bailey Gunn1 Comment

As you may or may not know, I took a “brain break” last week, which, if you were wondering, is exactly what it sounds like. Instead of coming home and running to the gym or, yes, writing this blog, I just didn’t. I came home, I watched Jeopardy!, I read a bit, and then promptly feel asleep. Every night.

And I  h a t e d  it. 

But the saddest part? I thought I needed the break from my writing. I thought it would help me to reduce some stress and exhale outside of the paper bag I was hyperventilating into. I thought if I sat cross-legged in my room and wrote in my journal (just for me) I would achieve some sense of calm because I wasn’t under pressure. But strangely enough, it only made me miss writing even more. It made me miss the sheer panic I always experience when I don’t have something to write about and the irony that washes over me when I do encounter something so strangely perfect during the course of my day. Writing this blog awakens me to the little nuances and coincidences in life that I wouldn’t be reflecting on if I didn’t have a platform to express them on. I’m not really sure why I thought pushing away my passion would be a good move for a week, but I can tell you, I felt even more burnt out without it.

So, how is that possible? How does exerting more energy give you a better quality of life? Well, it depends on what you are investing your time in. Are your ventures decidedly fruitless but you continue with them as if they aren’t? Do you find yourself wishing for more time to do other activities, rather than the things that are on your plate? Am I starting to sound like a poorly scripted infomercial?

Well, if you answered yes to any of those questions, then your first reaction is invariably, “I need a vacation.” Time away from the office, the kids, your family, even your significant other. All I need is a girls’ night, you exclaim as you let your hair out of that matronly bun. I could really do with a night with the guys, you think to yourself as you pass by the bar in the daytime. But you don’t need any of those things. What you need to do is stop taking life so seriously.

We only feel that we need a vacation or time away when we feel like we are having trouble coping with all of the stressors in our life. But if you just admit to yourself that not everything is going to have your full, undivided attention, that not everything is going to go perfect, and that you are (believe me, I’m an expert) going to make a mistake and make a fool out of yourself, then every day of your life will feel like a vacation. The sooner you acknowledge this simple fact, the sooner you can stop scouring blogs for the answers to why you feel so empty and tired all of the time (but keep coming back to my blog. I’ll stroke your ego anytime.) The sooner you can take a bite of all that and swallow it down, the sooner you can start laughing at yourself (but don’t choke), which everyone, absolutely everyone, needs to start doing. Even if your laughter turns into uncontrollable sobbing. That’s cool. This is a judgement-free zone.

So, play when you want to. Work when you have to. But do not believe that the two are mutually exclusive. Poke a little fun at yourself, and see how fast you can shelve that 2-week getaway to the Bahamas. You deserve a vacation, but before you spend the money, try taking one from yourself.