Tag: women

No Thank You

Bailey Gunn1 Comment

Today I learned a lesson that all of my college professors, my parents, and any old wise man on top of a mountain could tell me.

Don’t expect anything. Don’t expect anything good to happen or anything bad to happen. Just don’t expect anything. It’s easier that way.

Take today. I am one of the million cheerful people who take public transportation. Ah yes, the dank stairwells, the finicky ticket machines, and don’t forget, the other 999,999 people traveling with me. If anything, it is an experience. And we’ll leave it at that.

And speaking to that last point (because I couldn’t leave it at that) about all of those people, it can definitely be tough. They don’t always move out of your way, and they don’t always slide across the seat to let you sit. My strategy is to find someone who is pretty much doing what I will be doing (reading, listening to music, etc.) so that I won’t bother them by sitting next to them. We’re sort of like two friends hanging out, doing the same activity.

But as soon as I sat down today, I saw an older couple looking around for a seat. The woman sat directly in front of me, while the man was unable to find a seat near her. It was an easy choice. I quickly got up and told him to sat down. He might have muttered something, but I didn’t hear it.

And do you know what else I didn’t hear? A thank you! Seriously? I know it’s common courtesy to let someone sit down that should have a seat over you, but you couldn’t say thank you? It’s like when people don’t give that little wave while driving when you let them out into traffic. It takes two seconds and it makes the world of difference!

So, I got up fuming, a little. I knew my heart was in the right place, but I felt all wrong. And then it dawned on me: I was doing something for the results. I was expecting something very specific to happen. I genuinely thought that the man should be sitting down, but I was also waiting for him to acknowledge me, to thank me, when I should have just moved out of my seat with no expectations of receiving anything for having manners.

But this story has a twist ending. The guy that was sitting next to me actually got up when I got up to let the elderly couple sit next to each other. He then came over to me and asked if I wanted to sit down in another seat. I certainly wasn’t expecting him to do that, but I was incredibly touched by the gesture. Anybody else might have watched the exchange and let it happen. And this time? I hadn’t expected him to do that. I hadn’t expected anything.

So, in the end, expectations are really just pleas and wishes for the world to work like we want it to. And when life doesn’t work out how we want to, sometimes, it is just preparing you for something better. When you don’t have expectations, you may find that you’ll be pleasantly surprised anyway.

War Paint

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Let me tell you a little bit about myself (as if I don’t do that every night).

When I was younger, I was a tomboy, which is a term that I don’t even agree with. But if I had to describe myself in a context that most people would understand, I would proceed to tell you that I mostly chose sports over dresses. I chose books over Barbies. I chose being dirty over taking showers, every time. I pretended that I wasn’t a “girl,” and all that it does or does not imply.

And, of course, that meant that I forewent all makeup. No eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, foundation, blush. Nothing. (I had enough on my face with glasses and braces.) Who even had time for all of that when there was homework to do? Why wake up an hour early to paint your face when you had gym for your first class? What was the point of all that effort?

So, I continued to arrive fresh faced at school while I slipped quickly into the bathroom and out, as a line of my peers applied lip gloss and shadow with their fingertips. They would make kissy faces in the mirrors on their lockers, chatting with each other. It was like a secret society that I was on the outskirts of, without the tools to communicate.

Except, I exiled myself. There was no reason that I couldn’t join in. I simply chose not to, and so armored myself against it all. I perceived makeup as vapid and shallow. I then convinced myself that the people who wore it were only trying to beautify their outsides to make up (pun intended) for their insides. I told myself that I would never, ever be so self-conscious that I would carry around lipstick, just in case I needed a touch-up, just in case someone started to see through it all to the real me.

So, what happened to little, proud BaileyDailey? She grew up, and she grew up. She realized that it was stupid to judge people on their appearance, no matter how they chose to enhance or detract from it. She realized that makeup was actually for people who were completely confident in who they were and simply wanted to transform themselves into something else. She realized that makeup was war paint, a challenge to the rest of the world to smudge her lipstick, to smear her mascara. It was also a promise that she would still come back, looking flawless.

Today, I still don’t wear a ton of makeup. I still don’t know what the best brands to use are. I still can’t put on liquid eyeliner perfectly on the first try. But I’ve stopped rolling my eyes when I see that other people do. As women, we need to raise each other up. But more than that, as people, we need to learn how to learn from each other.

So, when I kissed and made up with makeup, I matured as a human being. I stopped giving the snake eye to the smoky eye. I quit giving lip to lip liner. But most of all, I stopped confusing the content of someone’s character for the color of their eyeshadow.

5 Things a Zumba Class Will Teach You

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I’m not bragging or anything, but I am a Zumba queen.

I have been to several Zumba (latin dancing/exercising) classes in many gyms. I’ve heard Shakira remixes and Pitbull versions, but strangely, I have never heard the same song twice. I’ve danced alongside young women and with the moms of the young women I used to go to school with. And usually it’s the same.

Every class, I spend most of my time trying not to step on anyone else’s toes and going left when everyone else goes right. I fail a lot, and I don’t get every move just right. But when you make mistakes with jazz hands and enthusiasm, can you really call them mistakes??

Anyway, when I look around my Zumba class, I see a lot of women who want to be a better version of themselves. But I also see a lot of women who lack confidence. We turn off the light so that everyone feels comfortable dancing. But that’s the problem. We are enabling our own lack of self-confidence. Maybe we need to remember that we should be feeling ourselves dancing, feeling the movement, instead of seeing and criticizing it. As a result, I felt that (Zumba) women everywhere needed a few reminders about their beauty and power.

5. Don’t Be Afraid to Make Mistakes

Listen, you’re not going to nail every move. Actually, I don’t know how the instructor (usually tiny and gorgeous) doesn’t stop from tittering behind her hand when she sees everyone screwing up time and time again. But I think it’s because she understands that that isn’t the point of Zumba. Being a dancing queen helps, but Zumba is for people who have just enough rhythm to not run into each other on a 5-minute basis. Just focus on getting a good workout by lifting your arms and legs higher. The rest will come in time. (Or in time 5, 6, 7 8…)

4. Let It Go

One of the biggest mysteries to me in life is why companies can’t make a remote for the TV with less buttons. But the second biggest mystery is why gyms put mirrors in exercise rooms. Do I need to see my sweaty mug staring back at me, as I unattractively complete squats? The answer is no. And on that note, try to avoid them if you can. All humans have this weird vanity reflex in which when they see a mirror, they are suddenly conscious of every hair out of place and move they make from that point forward. Concentrating that hard will cause you to inevitably mess up and stop enjoying your workout for what it is: time to be yourself. If you do mess up, see #5. If you want to learn more about being yourself, see #3.

3. Being Yourself

Everyone, everywhere, does everything a little bit differently than the next person. (Am I making sense? Good. Because it is about to get harder.) This means that everyone will lift their foot a little higher, shake their booty a little bit more, or whip their hair back and forth a bit…back and forthier than you. The point is that you need to be you no matter what the person next to you is doing. Unless they think they are God’s gift to Zumba and are whipping their hair like Beyonce. Then you can laugh a little. But after you are done laughing, you should congratulate them. Anyone who has the courage to be themselves in public is absolutely worthy of your admiration. 

2. Be Comfortable With Your Body

If you saw me out in public, you would be hard-pressed to look at me and say to yourself, “Yes, she drops it low on occasion.” And you’d be right about that. But that doesn’t mean I can’t in my Zumba class. I’m just loath to do it on the street, sir stranger. So, don’t let who you think you should be define you. (Huh?) Get in touch with yourself and shake ‘dem hips. (Oh.) Or don’t. It’s completely up to you. But being in charge of your body is what Zumba is all about.

1. Make It Fun

Look, it’s been a hard day. I know a lot of you out there aren’t skipping to your Zumba class at dinnertime. You are dragging your feet and your gym bag, hoping that you trip over the latter and injure yourself so you don’t have to go. But try to have some fun while  you’re there. I see plenty of women, brows furrowed in concentration trying to match each step. But you’ve been concentrating all day. Just laugh at yourself if you miss a step and keep going. If you have to think of it this way, this is your place to be silly. I promise, there will be plenty of time to put on a serious expression for the kids when you drive home.

I hope I’ve reminded all of the wonderful (Zumba) people why they are so great in the first place. No one rocks parachute pants with little straps on them like you do, and don’t you forget it. 

 

10 Women That Should Have A Hurricane Named After Them

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Does This Hurricane Make Me Look Fat?

If you haven’t heard, there was a surprising report in the weather forecast today. A new study has confirmed that hurricanes with “female” names are not taken as seriously as “male” hurricanes. Therefore, female hurricanes are deadlier because people do not rush out of their homes if “Sally” is coming, but they might if “Sean” is at their doorstep. Putting aside my absolute outrage that they give actual hurricanes women’s names, and they still do not receive the respect they deserve, I had to renew my female fierceness. First, I read this response to the news: Do Female-Named Hurricanes Need to Lean In?

And I cracked up. Then, I compiled the following list of cool (real and fictional) females that are practically subzero. Relax, lean back, and enjoy the wonders of women. Maybe hurricanes need to be named after these dynamic dames for a better fear factor…

10. Khutulun

Her name means “Moonlight,” but something tells me you wouldn’t want to meet her in a dark alley. Khutulun was a fierce and accomplished warrior in Mongolia during the 13th century. She challenged any suitor to wrestle her for her hand in marriage, but all of her potential husbands simply received an a** kicking. Even when her parents begged her to simply lose the wrestling match so that she could marry, it seems she could not fight off her fighting instincts because she always won.

9. Dita Von Teese

Whether or not you agree with her lifestyle is of little importance, she is fabulous. She is a class act and a savvy business woman. She re-popularized an entire industry and stands at the forefront of many more, such as lingerie, make-up, modeling, etc. She is also credited with stating my favorite quote:

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

I can’t lie; I hate peaches. But I catch your drift, Dita, and I applaud you for it.

8. Nellie Bly

Bly was so committed to her journalism that she intentionally had herself committed. She spent 10 days in a mental institution to expose the horrid conditions of asylums in the 1800s. Thankfully, she made it to the outside to publish her findings.

7. Daenerys Targaryen 

This fiercesome female on Game of Thrones is firmly deserving of the title, “Dragon Lady.” She suffered greatly in the first season of the show, but it is obvious that she will be gracing our screens for episodes to come. Dany was able to conquer the hearts and minds of her people with swift justice and amazing outfits. Seriously, Khaleesi, can I be queen for a day?

6. Helena Bonham Carter

A terrific actress, Bonham Carter has not received any formal acting training. She appears alongside Johnny Depp in many of her films, but she is never upstaged by her hunky co-star. She is also Tim Burton’s muse and simply lives an enviable life.

5. J.K. Rowling

I know, I know, I went for the obvious choice. But the woman captured the hearts of millions and has more money than God, yet she is still able to keep her wits about her. And thank goodness, because she’s got some amazing wit. Click on her name to read her inspiring words of wisdom. You go, Jo.

4. Tardar Sauce (Grumpy Cat)

Yes, Grumpy Cat is a girl! She’s made so many people around the world smile with her sour frown. She will go down in history as the cutest, unhappiest cat that ever lived. Long live, Grumpy Cat!

3. Julia from Jeopardy!

Julia Collins slid into the second spot for the longest winning streak on Jeopardy! She holds a bachelor’s degree in art history and a master’s degree in engineering (what even!?). Her reign recently ended on the game show, but she is still a trailblazer for smart women everywhere.

2. Susan Caraway from Stargirl

No list would be complete without my favorite book of all time, Stargirl. Susan Caraway is a nonconformist youth that renames herself Stargirl. Her message is one of true individuality and self-beauty. I would not be the woman I am today without her.

1. Your Female Family

You need not look far for powerful women in your life. Simply look to your mom, your aunt, your cousin, your sister, your grandmother, your best friend, etc. Any woman can prove to be a positive female influence. Let the love and estrogen flow!

 

I hope you have educated yourself on some truly phenomenal women that could rival any weather phenomenon. I’m pretty sure people would listen if “Hurricane Khaleesi” was making landfall…

Don’t agree with my list? Submit your own nominations in the comments!

Dear Warrior Women

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Dear Warrior Women,

You know who you are. You are the women who have a quiet strength, a silent fortitude. You don’t show weakness, and when your reality is crumbling, you whisper to yourself, “I’ll try again tomorrow.” You are a tumbling sea inside that precariously reaches your toes and rushes back. You are the bluest sky on a halcyon day. You are one of a kind.

You may not be the smallest waist in the room, or the most stylish, or the most put-together. You are a warrior woman, and it’s been a long time since you’ve had time to care about what others thought of you. You’ve been fighting a war, after all. With society, some of the time. But mostly, with yourself. You are on the front lines in more than a metaphorical sense. You are attacked, hated, and fetishized. But now you are fighting back.

You are broad shoulders, you are thunder thighs, you are big-boned, you are full-bodied, you are curvaceous and proud of it. And yet, you are none of these things because they can’t fully define you. Your vessel, your body, is bigger than a size 0 because of all of the spirit and beauty it must contain.

And to all of the petite women, the size 4’s and down, who were not born with big child-bearing hips, or large breasts, or even great height, you are warrior women, too. You fight in the same war with a different weapon.  And when you fall, you represent an important casualty. Because in giving in to the opposition, you are conforming, as well. And that’s not a victory for anyone.

We have all struck ourselves with deafening blows. We all forget our warrior status once in awhile. But there is a way to remember: help others remember.

Remind them that you have filled your cup, and you have drank it all, and you have lived, not vicariously through someone else, but in your own precious skin. Remind them that you have a beer gut from drinking the dregs of life, and that it means you had fun along the way. Remind them that you have a thick, juicy body from letting the juice from so many experiences of your life run down your chin, and that you delight in that fact. Remind them that you have small breasts that allow you to go without the trappings that cage you, and that you live a life so much freer than anyone else because you are happy with them. Remind them that you have the body you have because so did your mother, or your grandmother, or your aunt and you should be honoring them, not being ashamed of them.

Dear warrior women of all shapes and sizes, never forget yourself or your worth.

What (Alaskan) Women Want

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TLC: (The Last Channel) You Want to Watch

Sharing a couch and television time with my sister on Sunday night was a rare occurrence. She’s a teacher and so her quiet time is sparse, but her quiet time with other adults is even more scant. So, when she grabbed the remote after Long Island Medium and told me that she was going to try to stay up past her bedtime and watch TLC’s new special, Alaskan Women Looking for Love, I was happy to stave off sleep as well, despite her choice.

Now, I am not here to argue the validity of TLC or its shows. I understand that the majority of their air-time is filled with selections that would not be contenders for the Nobel Peace Prize or the award for the most intellectually stimulating programs on television (if there is an award for that).

I’m looking at you in particular, Honey Boo Boo.

However, there is a considerable amount of what is scientifically termed as the “warm and fuzzies” on TLC. From Say Yes to the Dress to the Long Island Medium, all of their shows bear some valuable message that transcends the characters’ circumstances and simply makes you feel good.

With this in mind, I was not disappointed when it came to Alaskan Women Looking for Love. For the next hour, I met five young ladies living in Alaska, ultimately looking for love outside of their hometown, Kodiak. A few of them had given birth to their children when they were children themselves. Others were struggling to find their first spark of romance in the frozen terrain of the 49th state. But all of the girls wanted to remove themselves from their bearded exes and their typical way of life.

High Heels and Happiness

The more I watched, the more I began to smile and laugh with my sister. The women, under their many layers of coats, had big hearts and great senses of humor, which came out especially when they began to talk about their “dream men.” Amidst their introductions, they fantasized about the men they would meet, or rather, the “meat” they would meet in Miami in the next episode. Their descriptions of abs and tight buns merged into one over the duration of the show. They might as well have been trying to pinpoint the specific color of the snow in Alaska in trying to typify their taste in Miami men, it all melted together.

But there is one thing that the girls were adamant and anal-retentive about when they referenced their trip. They wanted to wear short dresses, wear their hair down, and wear high heels. They wanted to be “real women,” they oozed.

Femininity at its Finest

And I completely and totally sympathized with them. All women have experienced that inner stirring of power and control when you strap on some strappy heels or finish the final swoosh of your eyeliner. It’s like putting on war paint, as you brace yourself to take on the world. And for once, you feel good about yourself, and it’s finally you against the world and not the other way around. Pulling from another TLC legend, What Not to Wear, clothes can influence how you see yourself and how others perceive you.

In the end, these women may think that they are looking for love, but really they are looking for an excuse to dip into their stores of self-confidence. They are looking for a new start, and a chance to reinvent themselves as women, specifically. Not as moms, not as girlfriends, or as daughters. Most of them are leaving comfortable lives behind, while others are eager to step outside of their comfort zone. In the highest heels possible.

And really, they don’t want to find new men. They want to find new shoes to make them feel something that they haven’t felt in a long time: wanted and appreciated. Which, by the way, is a much cheaper way to go in terms of emotional and monetary investments.

While I agree that putting on a dress doesn’t transform you into Wonder Woman, or a “true” woman in general, and that it would be stupid to think this way, it is a way to convince yourself that you deserve kindness and attention. So take a trip to the mall before you take a trip to Miami, girls. They might have what you want in stock and they might have it in your size. But make sure you leave enough room in those jeans for your long johns when you head back from the Sunshine State.

Watch Alaskan Women Looking for Love next Sunday at 10!