Tag: work

(F)e-mail

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Everyone knows that there’s a double standard in the workplace between men and women. And if you don’t know, you A) have never worked with the opposite sex or B) truly don’t know there’s a double standard, so you shouldn’t be reading this blog. You should be reading every feminist text you can find.

But let’s just say that we’re all on the same page, and we’ve all noticed that men and women are treated (and paid) differently at work.

Where are the differences most evident? In promotions? In conversations at the water cooler? In the lunch room?

No, it’s in our e-mails.

When I first started working, I wrote e-mails that had sentences with question marks implied at every turn.

They looked like this:

Hello?

Um, excuse me? Do you mind doing the thing that you said you were going to do four weeks ago? I know you must be busy, but I’m sorry, do you think you could get it to me? When possible? Thank you? I really appreciate your work? Thanks for not yelling at me?

And yes, maybe that’s just because I am a very timid and shy person to begin with. But I’m also a woman. And I feel the same at work that I do in daily life: like I’m not meant to be there and I’m taking up space. My e-mails reflect that.

And this is a sentiment embedded in women since the day that we are born. Chimamanda Adichie points out in her book, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, that little girls are constantly pulled back by their mothers, asked to “play nice” and “sit still,” whereas little boys are given free rein of the playroom. (And what is an office but an adult playroom? Where we are all free to interact with our surroundings and work on what we are best at?)

So, what do my e-mails look like now? They’re still nice. I understand that it’s not fair to take out my frustrations on an unsuspecting stranger. And as sad as it is to say, people do respond more nicely when you are nice to them in the first place.

But I beat around the bush a lot less. I ask. And in very rare and desperate times, I even plead. I do not demand. I’m not as confident in myself yet. But maybe someday, I’ll conquer my inbox in the same way that the vikings took new land: completely.

Chew 

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Have you ever had this experience? 

You’re sitting at your desk at the office at lunchtime. You aren’t eating, but your coworker is. You can’t see what he’s/she’s devouring, but it sounds like the most delicious thing in the world because they’re chewing it like it’s their last meal. You can almost hear every tooth grind, every tongue twist. A crunch and then they smack their lips and crunch, crunch, crunch. Slurp. Gulp. LOUD CHEWING. 

Okay, you get it. Now imagine your reaction. What are you feeling? Intense rage? Or just seething annoyance? Or like you’re going to murder that person’s whole family if they don’t put that apple down? 
Well, I know how you feel. I’ve experienced loud chewing before. And it’s annoying, definitely. (I’m not sure how you softly chew, but I guess you can work on it.) 

But have you ever thought about how that person feels? They’re just enjoying their lunch, and you’re not only judging them, you’re basically plotting their death. For eating their lunch. 

Maybe it’s time to look at yourself and ask why you’re so bitter. No, seriously. Why are you letting someone, who is enjoying whatever they’re doing, get in your way? Why is it their problem, and not yours? Why are you letting someone else’s life affect you at all?

Look, I don’t know you. You’re probably a reasonable person. But you need to ask yourself if it’s really worth getting fired up over. As long as it’s not hurting you physically, what’s the problem? 

You need to ask yourself: Are they being inconsiderate of others, or are you being overly sensitive? Go on. Chew on that for awhile. 

Friendly Reminder

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Like many people, I work in an office. I’m basically on email at all times of the day: writing, drafting, deleting, filing, rereading. 

And a lot of my emails start the same way: “hello, this is a friendly reminder to…”

Because everyone needs to be reminded of things sometimes. Because even though most things are automated, it doesn’t take away the fact that we’re human. And because it doesn’t mean we don’t have to be friendly about our little nudges and follow ups.

So, I figured that maybe we could all use a few friendly reminders. Not only on emails but on life. 

Here’s my favorites: 

  • Friendly reminder that doing poorly at something does not mean you will fail at it permanently. 
  • Friendly reminder that being overwhelmed is a choice you make. 
  • Friendly reminder that sometimes a bath or a soft blanket is exactly what you need to recover from a long day. 
  • Friendly reminder that people’s opinions of you don’t define who you are. 
  • Friendly reminder that the stars are there, even if it’s too cloudy to see them. 
  • Friendly reminder that time may be the best distance between you and something you need to forget. 
  • Friendly reminder that it’s not always your fault. 
  • Friendly reminder that you’ve made at least one person’s day once in your life. 
  • Friendly reminder that the internet has a plenty of cute animal videos to go around. 
  • Friendly reminder that the world needs your story, however you want to tell it. 
  • Friendly reminder that the universe is rooting for you. 

I hope these reminders are friendly enough. And I hope you have a friend when you need one. (I’m always here if you don’t.) 

Just A Little Bit

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Everyone has goals. Everyone has dreams. And everyone struggles to achieve them sometimes. 

Magazines and blogs make millions every year trying to help you unlock the secret to not falling off the bandwagon when in pursuit of your happiness. (The key to mastering your abs on page 7!)

But do you really want to know how to do it?

You do a little. Even the tiniest amount. And you do it every day. And when you’re tired and sore and pretty frustrated, you can look back and see the mole hill you made is actually a mountain. (And that’s a good thing). 

Wanna write a book? Write a single sentence each night. 

Wanna run a race? Start off walking, even just around the block. 

Wanna eat a ton of hotdogs in one sitting? You gotta eat the first one first. 

And in that way, you can do it. The trick is to not let yourself be stagnant in any part of this life. You can only do better if you are willing to work on your own progress. Even just a little bit. 

Get Up, Stand Up

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I guess this week is all about productivity. Because here’s another realization I had today:

You get less done when you’re chained to your desk. You get more done when you frequently get up and take breaks. 

I know, I know. Every self help article on how to “Study Harder and Better” will give you this advice, but I don’t think you understand it until you live it. 

Because you take me, a person who gets some sick pleasure when I don’t take a lunch break, and you tell me to do a project. I’ll work on it all day long, assess it from every angle, and I’ll deliver it to you by the deadline. But I’ll be tired and mean and frustrated over my contribution. 

And then, you take a slightly less neurotic version of myself, and you give her a lot of water (so she goes to the bathroom a lot) and she takes a bunch of breaks. She still gets her work done, but she also gets some exercise, and she gets well hydrated, and she also gets some time to step away to think about the project from a different perspective. 

And again, you may not be impressed by this discovery, but for me, a person who attained two degrees fueled entirely by staring at a screen for hours at a time and eating Mike n Ike’s, this is earth shattering. That I can have a taste of both worlds: less stress and more productivity. Just by getting up and walking around a couple times a day. 

But again, if you’re not wowed by my revelation and if you’re looking for a real lesson in life, then try doing something that you’ve never done before. Especially if it goes against the very fiber of your very stressed out being. 

Get Organized

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Do you have a junk drawer? A “filing cabinent” in your car? A chain for your glasses so that you don’t lose them?

Let’s be honest: there may be a method to your madness, but getting organized is essential to success.

And heaven knows there’s a million ways to do it.

You can get every color highlighter. Every planner that tells you what the phase of the moon is. Every little Post-It note flag. Every paper and binder clip. Tabs, folders, labels. You can buy it all.

But if you’re anything like me, I bet you know what you’ll say once you’ve got all your stuff organized into more stuff: Okay, I put that in a box but where did I put the box?

And that’s really hard to reconcile. Because you think, if only I could clean up my act, I might be able to not accidentally miss my appointments and/or lose everything in my purse. Or, there’s so much out there that could help me get organized. I just need to find a place for everything and then I could always find it!

I know I’ve been having a lot of trouble with this lately. I’m not, by nature, the most conducive to being organized. And when I get too much on my mind, things start to slip away like fallen leaves down a waterfall. (The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?)

But I’m learning that if you buy 10 different highlighters, all you have is 10 different highlighters. I’m learning that if you buy shelving units for your room, nothing in the world is going to move you to fill them. You have to have your own system, no matter how messy it may be.

Which sort of brings me back to the beginning. You may have a method to your madness. And maybe that’s the only thing that you need. No amount of flair pens is going to change that.

So, get organized. But do it your own way. It’ll stick, like a Post-It, if it’s yours (and getting it into your head will be a lot easier).

I Sat at the Back of the Train

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I’m back! I think I’ve done all the brain charging I needed to do, and I’m ready to start writing again. (And really, when I don’t write, I do a lot of thinking, which is totally problematic for everyone, but especially for me.)

Do you know where else I do a lot of thinking? On my commute. I ride a train to and from work, and while it is great to not be stuck in traffic, like I said, it leaves a lot time for me to contemplate the meaning of life.

Well, sometimes.

Because usually I’m reading, or listening to music, or otherwise occupying my attention on my train ride. Completely tuned out. Just like every other passenger on the train in the 21st century. If it weren’t for the overhead announcement that barked out the station every time we stopped, I’d probably still be on that train, never looking up, never noticing where I was, just riding forever.

Until today.

I got on the last car. This is a little trick of daily commuters: everyone comes down onto the platform and stops about in the middle of where the train will be. This makes that car pretty crowded. But if you walk down a little further on either side, you’re more likely to get a seat. (Who says blogging isn’t informative?)

Anyway, I grabbed a seat, facing backward. This is usually a problem for my sensitive stomach that is soy and dairy (and maybe even gluten) intolerant. The rolling of the wheels translates to my stomach roiling and me feeling very sick. But, not today. And so I went about my daily routine, feeling every bump and turn, letting the landscape slip past, reading my book without the conspicuous presence of nausea.

And in between turning the pages, I looked up.

I saw the tracks flowing away, and the burnt sky of a rising sun through a perfectly framed back window. It was breathtakingly beautiful, seeing the horizon and watching everything just pass me by. The sun came up over the Earth, and I was traveling across it in this strange, wonderful parallelism.

And I thought to myself, in that poignant way that we do when we see something unique and want to give it meaning, that it’s okay to look back sometimes. It’s okay to think about what has been. Because the past can be really beautiful. To see where you’ve come from and to understand that it’s made you who you are is truly a great lesson in life. But that doesn’t mean it will always be pretty to look at. The past can be painful or ugly, too. I simply happened to look out at the right moment and impressed upon it my own experience at that moment.

So, in essence, you shouldn’t spend too much time waiting for the next station or watching the tracks slip away, although it can sustain you for awhile. You should be reading a book or listening to music, living your life, just being in the present. And maybe, looking up every once in awhile.

Work Hard; Play Hard

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I’m sorry I’ve been so spotty with my posting lately. I was trying to escape the Pope last week, which meant I had to get away, which meant (thank goodness) I had little to no Internet, which (unfortunately) meant I could not blog, but which meant I could relax.

And so, with the absence of my beloved blog, I definitely felt like I was missing something. Telling a writer that she doesn’t have to write is like telling a fish not to swim. It’s a part of you, and it helps you to keep going. But at the same time, I had some free moments to figure some things out.

Like the fact that I need to relax more.

Recently, I’ve been pretty stressed. A type of stressed that bothers you in the day (in the the form of heart palpitations and anxiety attacks) and at night (actually organizing matters in your dreams.) So, I was excited to have a weekend where I could get away and not think about anything. I saw new things, I laughed a lot, and I kept busy in a fun way. I certainly had to step down my stress level by level (like waking up in the middle of a stress dream and yelling at myself to dream about something different), but by the end of it, I felt calmer for once. And I realized something huge: you don’t have to fight fire with fire. You just have to douse it with water.

See, I was incredibly stressed out. So, I relaxed really hard. Because everything needs balance. It’s an equal give and take. When you have reached your limit, you need to refuel. It’s what the doctor ordered in a way, as an antidote uses a different version of the poison that infects you. Administer an equally potent dose of recreation, and you can begin to counteract stress’s effects. Because if you’ve worked hard enough, you deserve to play hard enough.

The problem comes when people try to cheat the system. They work really hard and only relax a little. Or they max out their vacation hours and don’t put any real work in. It’s not healthy or fun to do either of these full time. Believe it or not, both scenarios seem to drain you in one way or another.

So, if you’re going to work really hard, expect to reward yourself. Hard. It will create a positive correlation in your mind about work and perhaps keep you from procrastinating so long the next time that big project looms.

After all, it’s always important to give credit where credit is due. Especially when it’s due to you.

Seems Fake

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Have you ever seen a person when you are out and about and they just have it all going on? Their hair is slicked back, their style is on point, and they just have that swagger? Do you know that person I’m talking about?

Well, do you want to know a secret? That person is faking it. All of it.

And I don’t mean that his or her suit is fake or that his or her hair is fake. As in inauthentic. I’m saying that his or her persona is fake. As in an impersonation.

No, really. Here’s something you should always keep in mind: The entire world is engaged in one big, long poker tournament. The people who are really successful believe that they have great cards and (make others believe it too), even when they don’t. As for the rest of us? We think our cards are okay. And in both cases, we’re right.

And when you’re faking it, the only person you have to “fool” is yourself. I mean, think about it. The people on the street don’t know you. They people in the grocery store have never seen you (but they are making judgments about you when they see your grocery cart.) Even your co-workers don’t really know the real “you,” living day to day in close cubicle quarters like you are. To them, you’re just you, whatever that means. And do you know what that actually means? You can believe that you are anyone at all, and people will have to believe you. They have no reason to think you are faking being as smart, talented, or funny as you seem to be.

I mean, really, does anyone know how to be an “adult”? Do you think that you just get a briefcase and a pinstripe suit on your thirtieth birthday, and your vocabulary expands to include words like “ROI” and “401K”? No! We’re all just children playing dress up to impress people we don’t even like. And we’re succeeding at it because we’re faking it.

So, don’t even give it a second thought. Don’t worry that people may be able to see that you are faking it. Because what you’ll really find is that the more you fake it, the more you are acting exactly like the person you are and the person you’ve been all along.

I Don’t Know Why

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Some days, things are hard. And some days? Things are so much harder.

I don’t know why that is. I don’t know why it seems to feel like the universe has it out for us some days, but on others, it wants to sabotage us and then trip us and then kick us when we’re down.

I don’t know why some days you can drop a cup of coffee on yourself and accidentally give yourself third degree burns. And I don’t know why life has to give you the third degree.

I don’t know why the words flow so quickly on some days. And I don’t know why it’s hard to go with the flow on others.

I don’t know why I get so stressed out sometimes. And I don’t know why my brain would allow me to do that to itself.

I don’t know why I can’t focus somedays. And I don’t know why there is nothing to focus on, on others.

I don’t know why I make everything so hard. And I don’t know why it’s so easy when I let it be.

I don’t know why I can’t learn to be still. And I don’t know why I can’t learn to keep going.

I don’t know why happiness is the hardest thing to attain. And I don’t know why it’s the first to leave.

I don’t even know why you’re reading this. And I certainly don’t know whether this is helping you.

But do you know what I do know? We all make it through. We all get along on our way. I may not know why, but I know how:

by breathing and carrying on.