The Girl Who Loved Alan Rickman

Back in the day, I used to have a job at Barnes and Noble.

It was my dream job – working with books, and getting to recommend my favorites to others.

At least, it was until they stuck me back in the music and DVDs section.

Back there, I mostly kept to myself. My job was to organize the DVDs and CDs and stock them on Tuesdays. And once in awhile, a customer would come in and ask for a particular DVD and I’d personally escort them to it, to which they would reply: “Oh, it’s cheaper on Amazon.”

A glamorous life, for sure.

But one day, when I was lamenting my lot not being able to be out with the book people, a girl about my age came up to my counter. She had dark hair and red lipstick. And she asked a very simple question.

“Can you look up a specific actor in your database and tell me what movies he’s been in?”

I wasn’t sure the system worked like that but I was willing to give it a try. And sure enough, it did.

“Who are you looking for?” I asked.

And she said, “Alan Rickman.”

Well, I started to rattle off many a name. Too many to count, too many to remember. I started with the most obvious, like Harry Potter and Die Hard, and went to the less obvious like Dogma and Sweeney Todd.

To all of the ones I suggested, she said:

“Yup, seen that one.”

“Yup, own that.”

“Yup, loved that.”

And so, I started to get frustrated with this girl. Why was she asking me when she’d already seen them? As I continued to recite the movies with a modicum of boredom in my voice, I finally reached the end of the fifth page of movies, and said, “there’s no more.”

Thrilled to finally be rid of her, I looked to her and saw a bright smile on her face that stopped me from anything I would have said to her.

“That’s okay,” she said, “I guess I’ve just seen them all.”

And she floated away, like a bubble.

So, why do I still think about this experience? Sadly, Alan Rickman has since died, and I did think about her on that day and wonder if she was devastated, somewhere.

But the real reason I remember her is because I could tell, from our infinitesimal interaction, that she was a passionate person. She would stop at nothing to make sure that she had experienced and lived Alan Rickman’s work. She was willing to reveal her almost obsessive passion to a complete stranger, just so that she could make sure she’d seen it all.

I, too, want that passion. I want to scare people with how passionate I am about something. I want to be the girl who loved Alan Rickman.

I hope I find that passion some day. And I hope you do too. But mostly, I hope you’re not afraid to ask the bored counter girl about it, just in case there’s something you might have missed.

 

 

 

New Year, Same Me

Ah, the early days of January.

The New Year is shiny and bright and it’s time to make New Year’s resolutions.

  1. Lose weight
  2. Lose some more weight
  3. Go running to lose weight
  4. And finally, tone up

And it’s really great for awhile. You get new jogging pants for the holidays and your running shoes lace on tight. And then, one thing leads to another and you just decide one day, probably a rainy day, that you don’t feel like running. And you think, it’s just one day. I deserve a day of rest after all.

Until it turns into two days, then a week, and then it’s February, March, April, May, June, and holy crap, it’s bathing suit season again.

Well, I’m here to tell you that I get it – that’s exactly what happened with this blog. I took a break. And then I took another one. And another one. And suddenly, it’s now 2020. Which is fine. Except…When I really looked back on my 2019, I couldn’t say it was all bad. I bought my first house, celebrated my first wedding anniversary, watched my sister get engaged, stayed at my great job, watched one of my other best friends get engaged, and just generally had a great time hanging out with the people I love.

But I didn’t have anything to show for 2019 either. I’m still writing a book that has taken me a decade to write. (I’m not even out of the first draft yet.) I usually keep a jar things I’m grateful for, and this past year, I had three things in it. Three. From a whole year!

So, I’ve decided to take this blog back. Back from the dust. Back from the hanging, snarled ivy. I love BaileyDailey, and I’m proud of it. I don’t even know who reads this besides my mom. But if you’re reading this right now, then I thank you.

But I want you to know, with all my heart, that your body will ALWAYS be ready for a bathing suit at any time, and please know that you can always start again.

So, here we go 2020. Bailey Dailey revisited.

You know the drill: I post Mon-Thurs, and I get the weekends off (to hopefully write my book).

Thanks, ya’ll. Cheers to starting over.

Love,

Bailey

Reflect

Like anyone who has lived enough years, I’ve lost a loved one. And on the day of their death, I try to reminisce and think about when they were alive. Reflect on their life. Remember who they were.

Which is a very sad event indeed, and it usually leaves me crying by the end. I miss them, and it’s so hard to be here without them.

But what we should always remember is that you are a reflection of the people you love. You are just a mirror image of the people that you call friends because your likeness recognizes likeness in them. And so, if you’re missing a loved one, simply be the mirror to their life. Live as if you lived for them. Reflect and be reflected. And you will live and walk in their light.

-dedicated to Neil Venitsky. Thank you for believing in your dream so that I could believe in mine.

Antici…pation

I wish I could live forever in this moment. Right before Christmas, done with my Christmas shopping, just ready to enjoy the day.

But isn’t that the best thing about the holidays? I mean, isn’t Christmas Eve sometimes more fun than Christmas? It’s all about the anticipation, the build up, the hype.

Which is why I’d like to live in this moment. Right here. And be in love with the whole world.

But time marches on and it never stops. So make sure you take look around or you’ll never notice the best part…the anticipation.

In My Skin

There’s a lot to be said about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. In learning more about them by seeing life from their perspective.

But there’s something else to be said about viewing life from your own perspective.

You would do good to remember that what you think is just as valuable as what someone else thinks (am I the only one that needs this reminder?)

And by that principle, you should think the world of yourself. Have confidence. Because no one is just like you and no one has your exact perspective. We all bring something different to the table, even if we don’t always feel like it.

So, don’t be afraid to be fully in your skin, and to see life from your own unique perspective. You are who you think you are, not who you’d rather be. And from my perspective, you’re all pretty great.

Rejection = redirection

Do you remember your first rejection? Was it a boyfriend/girlfriend? Was it from a college? What about not making your high school soccer tryouts?

Sorry for bringing up ill feelings. But I’d be willing to bet that you wouldn’t trade your life right now for the world, eh? You wouldn’t go back in time and fix that rejection because what’s done is done. And it’s made you the person that you are today.

That’s why in life rejection is really just a redirection (I didn’t make this up, but I wish I had). It’s a good reminder that just because we didn’t get where we wanted to be doesn’t mean we’re not where we need to be. Every time you get rejected by something or someone, you’re being pushed in the direction of where your real life begins.

So don’t get upset if you’re rejected. Get excited that you’re that much closer to where you want to be. Or at least, be happy that you’re not the biggest loser in the universe, even though you may feel like it.

The Balance

I’m about to let you in on a little secret of mine (which I most likely have talked about before).

When I was younger, I believed in one certain truth that served me pretty well and was reinforced by all of the fairy tales I read:

“Good things will happen, and so will bad. Bad things will happen, and so will good. If you wait long enough, you’ll get them both, one after the other. So much so, you can depend on it.” So one good thing will happen…and then it is followed by a bad thing. And a bad thing will happen…and it is followed by a good thing. And so on and so on and so on. Until you live your entire life, waiting for the fog to roll in on a sunshiney day, and for the rain to clear on a stormy day. You’re always waiting for the next thing or hoping it doesn’t happen.

But I’ve realized that this is such an unrealistic way to live. It doesn’t matter if one moment is good or bad. It’s the moment that you’re living in, that you’re experiencing, that you’re discovering. And waiting for it to pass or having sadness when it does, is no way to live life. Just passing through your day is no way to live life. You need to thrive, and treasure every moment – not just the really good ones – and not cast away any one moment – like the really bad ones.

So, it’s true what they say – “if you’re going through hell, keep going.” But don’t worry about the hellscape you’re traveling through or coming from. Try to focus on the warmth of the flames every once in awhile. Your life will be better for it.

Made My Day

Thanks to the little girls at the back of the school bus who smiled and waved and cracked up when I waved back and who I followed for a good 20 minutes (only because they were going where I was going–not in a creepy way.)

You made my day. And you’ll never know it.

Someone’s smile or kind word can make your whole day but you don’t have to let them know. It’s sort of special; it’s like a secret you share with that other person, except they don’t know.

But sometimes, you should let people know if they’ve made your day. People feel worthless on the best day. Don’t forget to remind them that they’re here for a reason, however small it may be.

Don’t worry kids. If you wave at me, I’ll always wave back.

B****

We all know one (or are one).

A b**** – A woman (a word mostly used for women by women) who is loud, obnoxious, arrogant, pushy, and bossy.

But have you ever noticed that women call each other b****** when they simply don’t like what they’re doing? It seems a woman can’t ever stand up for herself, a woman cannot speak her mind, a woman cannot call out the errors of others without looking like a you know what.

Well, you know what? I’m not a Starbucks barista. I’m not here to put whip cream in your latte and a smile on your heart. I don’t have to be nice all the time. I can be respectful while still getting what I want.

I don’t have to be afraid of the b word anymore. Actually, it sort of has a nice ring to it. (Maybe I should change the old blog name to b****dailey).

At the end of the day, don’t be afraid of what people think of you. Because at the end of the day, you don’t have to spend time with anyone but yourself. After all, there’s a little b**** in all of us.

It’s a Nice Day for Nuclear War

Caffeine makes it hard for me to go to sleep. No, really. And I think it definitely has a weird effect on everyone, in one way or another.

But the other night? It was weird on a whole new level. (Except for that time where I couldn’t remember how old I was, and since I am really bad at math, I thought I was a whole year older and got upset that I wasn’t living life to the fullest. Oh my god, you have NO idea how I wish I was making this all up).

As I lay awake in bed, quite literally staring at the ceiling and wondering why my head wasn’t as blank as it was, I started to worry. No, that’s not the right temperature of things: I panicked.

I kept envisioning these horrible scenarios about my life and I couldn’t help how they turned out. Then, my brain pulled the worst Jenga piece out from the leaning tower, and asked me the following question: “What if there is nuclear war before I can get married, in a year and a half?”

And I know, I know. Just like a true bride-to-be, I’m thinking about myself before the whole world. What do you mean you don’t care which color napkins we pick? This is a matter of national importance! I bet President Obama would never stand for this ugly shade of mint!

But breaking out into a cold sweat, I didn’t rationalize this thought away like you would think I might. I metaphorically patted myself on the head and said, “Oh, well you and your fiancee are about as close as you can get to being married anyway. Haven’t you lived a long enough life?”

Weirder still? That crazy psychology actually worked on me. I calmed down; my breathing and heartbeat slowed. But not before realizing how absurd it was that I think that I could ever stop nuclear war from happening anyway. I mean, it’s coming.

Look at America. We have Donald Trump (in which many a psycho, and perhaps many a sane person, would line up to be able to say that they were the one who took him down) and we have a woman (in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not sure if all of the world is #withher or not, simply because she’s… a she.) I mean, we’re on the brink of something, and shave my head and call me Sinead if it isn’t something violent and ugly. And yes, perhaps nuclear.

So, look. I’m not here to spout off my opinion. Heck, I’m still on hiatus for all it’s worth, and there’s no way that one lowly blogger’s opinion is going to rise to the top of this political trash heap of bad hair and bad pant suits.

Because I can admit when I don’t have much power to control something.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t vote and change things (hopefully for the good). I hope you remember that, too.