Destination: Happiness

Happiness is always a moment away.

I'll be happy on Friday, when it's the weekend.
I'll be happy when I finally lose those 10 pounds.
I'll be happy when this is all over.

Happiness is hard to attain when you can't really ever reach it. It keeps getting pushed back. It's a destination, not a journey.

But what if happiness is right here? Right now? How differently would you function if happiness was a state that you could be in now?

Well, the answer is you can. Try it. Be happy. It's okay. I give you permission to drop anything that doesn't make you feel good. Smile into yourself.

See? Isn't it better now?

Let yourself be happy now. Don't wait.

Fourth Wish

If a genie were rubbed out of one of my lamps at home tomorrow, and he materializes in smoke and grants me three wishes, I would wish for a lot of happiness, a lot of money, and a lot of puppies. (That is, if I couldn't wish for more wishes.)

But if I had a fourth wish, I would wish that I was someone else entirely. New hair. New face. New attitude.

Because most days, I'm frustrated by myself. I'm shy, I'm weird, and I'm self conscious. And it's not cute, like a misfit in a teen movie.

But I'm starting to realize that I should never waste a wish on being someone else. Because I was put on this earth to be me. It would be a crime of the universe to be anyone else. And it's time that I recognized that whatever I am, I have to love me.

So bring on the happiness, money, and puppies. I promise to be careful what I wish for.

10 Ways to be Nice to Yourself Right Now

I think, as a human, it’s hard to be nice to yourself sometimes. But add in the fact that you’re a rather awkward and clumsy human…and it gets harder.  

So, we all need to remind ourselves that we’re not all that bad. And sometimes, we’re even that good. And here’s how you do it:

1. Find a mirror. Look yourself in the eye. And smile. (I bet you can’t resist smiling back!) 

2. Take yourself out for a treat. Ice cream. Chocolate. Broccoli. However you define “treat.”

3. Wrap yourself in a blanket so your whole body is inside the blanket. Roll around the floor a couple of times. Call yourself a burrito. 

4. Read a book out loud to yourself before you go to bed. It’ll remind you of what it was like to have a bedtime story read for you. 

5. Take a shower or a bath. Or just wash your hands in warm water. It’ll feel good. 

6. Watch cute animal videos. Actually, make a habit of watching cute animal videos. They’re good for the soul. 

7. Take a walk around your neighborhood. Count fireflies. Say hello to people. (But don’t overthink it.) 

8. Watch a movie or tv show that you just love. Stay in the moment. Really watch it, like it’s the first time. 

9. Talk to a friend. Vent. Then let them take care of you for a little while. Just until you feel better. 

10. Take one deep breath. Take another. And another. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best that you can. 

Love Yourself 

There is no shortage of mean people in the world. 

So, do yourself a favor and try not to be one of them. 

I had a rough day today. And I’m very, very, very tempted to look myself in the eye in the mirror and question my entire life and ask why I’m alive. Because I’m hurting and life sucks sometimes. 

But since I’m the one that has to live in my skin at the end of the day, I need to realize that if I did my best, then that’s all I can do. I can’t hate myself for what I can’t do, and I can’t come home after a long day feeling like I could have done more. It’s the very definition of toxic. 

So, do what you need to do. Draw a hot bath. Eat a little chocolate. Take a deep breath. Wipe hot tears away. Push on without stopping. 

But don’t forget to love yourself when you need it most. 

Love You

Tonight, one of my best friends met me for dinner. We have this thing where every few weeks we just meet up and run down the same tracks of conversation that we always do. And we go to the same place and we order the same drinks, and we catch up. 

And there’s something beautifully comfortable about that. I can count on her to make me feel better, to listen. And I can count on her to fill me in on every detail of her life so that I feel closer to her even when I’m not. 

So I’m not suprised when I start waxing philosophical (like really hard) about life and I’m going on and on about my views on the world, which should make me incredibly vulnerable and make me feel crazy, when she says in the most admiring tone; “I love you.” And we laugh because we get it. We get each other. And in the face of everything, we know that we could say anything to each other, and we know we’d meet again in a few weeks for dinner, to do it all over again. 

And I wish that for all my readers, all my friends, and everyone I meet. Not that you have a friend to have dinner with, although that’s nice. But a friend who understands you on a truly deeper level. Who is fully prepared to hear your opinion on the world and love you not in spite of it, but because of it. Because you get it, and so do they.

Because a full heart is so much better than a full belly. 

Hug Your Mom

Go ahead. Do it now. I’ll wait. 

I was going to wait to post this until later in the week but I just don’t think this is something that should ever have to wait. 

Because yeah, Mother’s Day is a good time to celebrate your mom. Take her out to lunch, buy her flowers, generally take care of her. But you should be doing that everyday. Because growing up, it was everyday that she took care of you. 

Moms are so important. And before you jump on the comments section, fathers are important too. (Their day just isn’t this Sunday, that’s all). Moms make us laugh and wipe our tears and do stuff that we don’t want to do – just to help us out. (See vacuuming up spiders, making doctor’s appointments, and oh I don’t know, wiping our own butts.) 

They deserve more than a day, but if that’s all that you have to give them, then make it count. Hug them, and kiss them, and tell them that you love them. Even if it hasn’t been awhile since they heard it. Even if it’s been forever. 

And if you don’t have a mom, or your mom isn’t with you, or your mom’s just not a person you want in your life, hug a friend’s mom. I guarantee she’ll appreciate it.

Boy Pets Dog

I had a terrible day today. There was really nothing good about it, and I don’t really want to bring y’all down by talking about it…

But there was one thing.

The one thing that was good about my day was that I was so angry that I took a long walk to cool off…

(That wasn’t the good part.)

And as I was walking, the cool breeze lifted my hair while the sun simultaneously warmed me…

(Not yet.)

And I was walking by some really quaint and beautiful houses…

(Almost there.)

And a woman was walking into her yard while a young boy played in the yard next to her. She was walking a black lab. The young boy saw her and ran over. He greeted her and very gently pet her dog who loved the attention. He then thanked the woman and ran back into his yard. And I can only predict that this is a ritual he conducts every day, and that the woman loves it, and the dog loves it.

And now I love it. Because it was the purest and best thing about my day. Because the boy was happy, and the dog was happy, and the woman was happy.

Which just goes to show you that there’s always something good to hold onto. Even if it has absolutely nothing to do with you. And you only experienced it because you were angry in the first place.

My only hope for you is that you are always on the lookout for your “boy pets dog” moment every day.

Take a Guess

Everything in life is a guess. It’s an estimate. It’s a theory. Sure, it may be based on some really, really, really good evidence. But it’s still just a guess. An assumption. A belief. 

Don’t believe me? Try it out. 

So, you’re an expert on astrophysics. 

“Yes.”

How big is the universe? 

“Well, our science tells us that we can estimate it to be…”

See? Scientists, fifth grade teachers, bomb experts, teenagers, presidents, the bourgeousie, soccer players, and even the Pope have one thing in common: we’re all just guessing. 

About what? About our lives and everyone in them. What’s our next move? Does he love me? Why am I here? Will I be successful? The answers are not easy to find. But they can be guessed at. 

Which should make us all really, really, really cynical, right? We should all throw our hands up in the air and give up on foretelling the secrets of the universe because all we have is our best guess. 

But do you know something? That simply means that your guess is just as good as someone else’s. 

And that puts us all on the same playing field with the same amount of confidence in knowing that we’re right. 

So, what’s the answer to your question? 

Take a guess. It may be your best bet. 

How We Met

I’ve written the story of how my fiance and I met, so I thought I would share it with you.

Enjoy!

Once upon a time, a shining knight heard a fair maiden’s call from across the glen, from her ivory tower. He rode as fast as his white horse could take him so that they could meet. (It took him awhile because he had to stop and get beer, and they were out of what he wanted so he had to go to a few markets before finally buying an entire keg.)

When he finally found her, he saw that she was practicing archery by shooting arrows at hay bales shaped like the patriarchy. He was in love , and so was she. She turned around from her targets, her eyes sparkling in the sunlight, and his first words to her were “Are we really doing this? This is completely made up.” And she put her fingers to his lips and shushed him because this is how everyone meets their future husband, duh.

He took her by the hand and carefully set her bow down for her in case he said something kind of dumb that would anger her, and told her to go wait by the horse. Unfortunately, she loved horses, and after a completely unnecessary joyride through the magic forest, she came back and was ready to ride off into the sunset. But she couldn’t find him. She looked through the entire tower and found him in the library. The knight had become so enthralled by the walls of books that she had accumulated that he refused to leave until he read one last chapter. She shrugged and plunked down on the love seat to finish her own book and the keg. And they lived happily ever after.

(Just kidding. We met in high school, and we’ve never left each other’s side.)

 

To Women I Have Met (And Not Met) 

In honor of International Women’s Day, I’d like to take a moment and recognize some of the women in (and not in) my life: 

To my mother, most obviously, who raised me, who nurtured me, who mothered me and taught me what it was to grow. 

To my grandmothers, one delicate and sweet, one tough and powerful, who taught me what it was to be a woman, both feminine and strong. 

To my sister, who also nurtured me, but fought for me too, until I could do so for myself. 

To every woman English teacher I ever had, who brought me into the fold and let me flourished there, and showed me what I was capable of. 

To my female peers and colleagues in all of the college courses I’ve ever taken, who have awed me with their brilliance and cowed me with their determination. 

To every woman I have worked under, who has had a seat of power, who showed me that to be successful, people will call you mean names. Still, we will push on. 

To my female friends, new and old, who have made a sisterhood for me to return to time and time again. 

To every woman who I have only glimpsed walking by but knew that they were smarter, prettier, and more put together than me in that instant, who made me push for more. 

To every woman who has gossiped behind my back, who has given me the strength to triumph against pettiness. 

To any woman who goes out of her way to make others feel good, despite how she feels about herself. 

To any woman who has ever been nice to me in a bathroom on a drunken night out with friends. 

To any woman who thought they would never leave a bad situation. 

To every woman who has ever fought, battled, won, died from a disease or mental illnesss. 

To any woman who thought through their own problem and then applied it to the world. 

To every woman who was pronounced barren. 

To every woman who has raised a strong daughter.

Thank you. You have shown us all the way.