Tag: stress

Love Yourself 

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There is no shortage of mean people in the world. 

So, do yourself a favor and try not to be one of them. 

I had a rough day today. And I’m very, very, very tempted to look myself in the eye in the mirror and question my entire life and ask why I’m alive. Because I’m hurting and life sucks sometimes. 

But since I’m the one that has to live in my skin at the end of the day, I need to realize that if I did my best, then that’s all I can do. I can’t hate myself for what I can’t do, and I can’t come home after a long day feeling like I could have done more. It’s the very definition of toxic. 

So, do what you need to do. Draw a hot bath. Eat a little chocolate. Take a deep breath. Wipe hot tears away. Push on without stopping. 

But don’t forget to love yourself when you need it most. 

Be Curious! 

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I had a HUGE revelation today. 

I’m all about pursuing your passions. All for it. 

Except when it comes to quitting your day job. 

I know, I know. Big risk, big reward. But there’s something keeping you back from starting all over and pursuing your passion isn’t there? (Yes, Bailey. It’s my crippling student debt.) Okay, fair. 

But ask yourself — is your passion something you LIKE to do? Or are you truly interested and curious about it?

Because that’s what keeps me back from writing full time. One, because I love my blog and I don’t want to hate it because I have to rely on it to give me money. But two, and more importantly, I’m not curious about writing. I don’t want to learn about it. I just want to do it. It comes natural to me. And like most writers, I’m an egotist and I think I’ve learned everything I possibly can about writing. I’ll learn as I go. 

But what am I truly curious about? Science. I am interested in science. I love listening to podcasts about any kind of science, but mostly anatomy. I get truly excited about listening to how the human body works. I hung on every word of a woman who described how she became allergic to meat. And it’s only taken me until recently to realize that I have a passion for science, but I have a love for writing. 

The difference is that I can keep one as my mistress, and the other one keeps me up at night. (I’ll let you decide which is which.)

But the point is that when I stopped to think about it, I realized I could love what I do and still not be passionate about it. Just because I love writing doesn’t mean that I need to exorcise my soul to produce it. Sometimes, quitting your day job still doesn’t mean you are fulfilled. 

Get Up, Stand Up

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I guess this week is all about productivity. Because here’s another realization I had today:

You get less done when you’re chained to your desk. You get more done when you frequently get up and take breaks. 

I know, I know. Every self help article on how to “Study Harder and Better” will give you this advice, but I don’t think you understand it until you live it. 

Because you take me, a person who gets some sick pleasure when I don’t take a lunch break, and you tell me to do a project. I’ll work on it all day long, assess it from every angle, and I’ll deliver it to you by the deadline. But I’ll be tired and mean and frustrated over my contribution. 

And then, you take a slightly less neurotic version of myself, and you give her a lot of water (so she goes to the bathroom a lot) and she takes a bunch of breaks. She still gets her work done, but she also gets some exercise, and she gets well hydrated, and she also gets some time to step away to think about the project from a different perspective. 

And again, you may not be impressed by this discovery, but for me, a person who attained two degrees fueled entirely by staring at a screen for hours at a time and eating Mike n Ike’s, this is earth shattering. That I can have a taste of both worlds: less stress and more productivity. Just by getting up and walking around a couple times a day. 

But again, if you’re not wowed by my revelation and if you’re looking for a real lesson in life, then try doing something that you’ve never done before. Especially if it goes against the very fiber of your very stressed out being. 

Slow

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It’s been beaten into our heads since we were kids. 

Don’t run across the street, walk. 

Slow and steady wins the race. 

Haste makes waste. 

And so on. But they don’t mean it. (I’m well into adulthood and I still don’t know who “they” are, but it sounds good and rebellious to say it.) 

They actually want you to work quicker. Move faster. Get on to the next thing, and the next thing, and the thing after that. And they certainly don’t want you to stop and look around. Because if you were to do that, if you were going to smell the roses, then what else might you notice? That you’re a slave to the machine? 

Harsh, I know. But it’s important that it’s harsh. Because we aren’t waking up from anything unless we get a good knock to the head about it. 

I mean, my whole problem is that I can’t slow down. So, when I turn to a solution that all millennials seek (Google), all I get is this list of things I need to do. “Be mindful.” “Chew thoroughly.” “Stare at the tv without turning it on to make you remember what silence sounds like.” 

Hey bloggers, can I let you in on a little secret? I don’t need anymore stuff to do. I don’t need to grow a herb garden, take up knitting, or enjoy a bubble bath. I need peace in the midst of chaos. I need to slow down when everything else is telling me to speed up. 

So, how do I go slow? How do I stare the clock down and say that I’m going to take my time, no matter what it says? 

I take deep full breaths. Because in any moment, that’s my only goal: to just get to the next one. 

Calm/Chaos

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You know how people say it’s not the situation, it’s the way that you react to it that matters? Well, put simply, I’ve been like a human cat for most of my life. I run away from loud noises or bite people when forced into social interactions. “Conflict resolution” isn’t really in my vocabulary, and if it is, it’s me talking about how I’m not good at it.

But lately, I’ve been reacting to situations that are more tense than a bomb squad like the Dalai Lama.

The other day I had a lot on my mind and I was swelled up with stress like an angry bullfrog. And instead of blaming the situation itself like I normally do, instead of blaming anyone else (including but not limited to, the Starbucks barista or the guy who is walking way too slow in front of me) I said to myself, I need to do something about all the stress I’ve been experiencing because I can’t get this frustrated when something happens every day.

What?! I mean, really, where do I cash in my tickets for my adult points? I looked at my life and took responsibility for my own actions. I realized that my reactions needed to change, not the situation. (A trick that only took a quarter of a century to learn!) It felt uncomfortable and good to do this, all at the same time, like wearing your favorite sweater that’s way warm but so itchy.

And this made me really think about how we communicate with our world. As much as I wouldn’t prefer to be numb, we really do need a thicker skin to get through life. Because when we let in the chaos from the outside world, we can’t distinguish between the two. And if we form a core of calm, we can float above it all, like when you hold your breath in a swimming pool and let your body rise to the top.

In the end, chaos is only chaos when you give yourself over to it, when you don’t pay attention to how you’re reacting to a situation. And being calm is only calm when it starts inside yourself and radiates out. And everything in between? That’s life. And you’ve got to keep it balanced.

 

The Dumbest Thing Ever

Bailey Gunn2 Comments

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?

Wore your glasses while swimming in the ocean? Left your phone in the pocket of your jeans that are cycling in the washer? Forgot the top off the blender and pressed start? (Or maybe Alanis Morrisette would just tell me that these are all ironic things…?)

Anyway, I’m sure we’ve all done things that we’re not happy about, let alone proud of. But do you know what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done? I do. You probably do it everyday. Heck, you’re probably doing it right now. (And yes, it’s really dumb.)

Worrying. Yup, that’s quite easily the dumbest thing you can do.

Think about it. (But don’t worry about it, that’s counterproductive.) What is worrying? It’s traveling down all of the avenues of thought that concern hypothetical situations and possible scenarios. And do you know what’s absolutely stupid when you think about any alternatives to anything in your life?

You have no way of knowing what’s actually going to happen. So, the what ifs don’t matter. And even if you did know what was going to happen because you can time travel or something, it may not happen exactly as you’ve worried it might (an eternal problem with time traveling, too.) So, you are quite literally worrying for nothing.

And here’s the kicker: worrying is never general. That’s anxiety. Worrying is when we’ve made up specifically what might go wrong. And does it? Yeah, sometimes. But worrying hasn’t made it so. It’s just that it has worked us all up so we become irrational and make a mistake. Self-fulfilling prophecy and whatnot.

And not to mention that worrying is exhausting and highly draining because it’s so negative. I mean, with the time that you’ve spent worrying, you could have easily envisioned what could go right and made that happen instead of calling down a dark cloud to cover you.

Look, it’s like this. You wouldn’t blow out a candle and hope that it turns on a lightbulb, right? And you shouldn’t worry to protect yourself from potential negativity during the course of the day. You can’t save yourself from what might be, only what is.

My advice? Just don’t worry. And if you can’t? Still don’t worry; not worrying will come naturally to you someday.

Eclipsed

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I don’t have to tell you that everything in your life requires balance.

Your gym instructor could tell you that. Your waistline could tell you that. Your boss could tell you that. Your doctor could tell you that. Your sorority sisters/fraternity brothers? Well, not so much. (They’d rather party…all the time.) But for the most part, a lot of people are going to tell you “everything in moderation.” That seems to be the best piece of advice anyone can give.

But what does that mean? When you say balance, all I see in my head is a pair of scales. And I picture myself putting a salad in one and an ice cream sandwich in the other, and the whole thing tipping onto its side with the weight of the frozen treat.

I mean, really what does balance look like? And when do you know you’ve achieved it?

Well, I came up with a better metaphor than a pair of rusty scales. Think about balance like daylight and nighttime. For example, if you want to keep your work and social life balanced, focus on your work during the day time. When the sun is shining, that’s when you know that you have to be working. And then when night rolls around, you can play.

Now, remember that this is a metaphor. Just because you’re working at night doesn’t mean you should skip work the next day to even it all out. The point is that you are dedicating a specific amount of time to something with a set stopping point (the sun goes down, it comes back up).

The point is to not get eclipsed by something. That is, you shouldn’t allow the day time to be blocked out by the moving moon. Or, in other words, don’t get carried away by one thing in your life.

And really, that’s easier said than done. Because some things just call for our attention. Some things completely take over. Some things block us entirely from seeing what we need to see.

But if you at least attempt to separate your time equally enough, you may not be waiting to do the things you really want to do once every blue moon.

Work Hard; Play Hard

Bailey GunnLeave a comment

I’m sorry I’ve been so spotty with my posting lately. I was trying to escape the Pope last week, which meant I had to get away, which meant (thank goodness) I had little to no Internet, which (unfortunately) meant I could not blog, but which meant I could relax.

And so, with the absence of my beloved blog, I definitely felt like I was missing something. Telling a writer that she doesn’t have to write is like telling a fish not to swim. It’s a part of you, and it helps you to keep going. But at the same time, I had some free moments to figure some things out.

Like the fact that I need to relax more.

Recently, I’ve been pretty stressed. A type of stressed that bothers you in the day (in the the form of heart palpitations and anxiety attacks) and at night (actually organizing matters in your dreams.) So, I was excited to have a weekend where I could get away and not think about anything. I saw new things, I laughed a lot, and I kept busy in a fun way. I certainly had to step down my stress level by level (like waking up in the middle of a stress dream and yelling at myself to dream about something different), but by the end of it, I felt calmer for once. And I realized something huge: you don’t have to fight fire with fire. You just have to douse it with water.

See, I was incredibly stressed out. So, I relaxed really hard. Because everything needs balance. It’s an equal give and take. When you have reached your limit, you need to refuel. It’s what the doctor ordered in a way, as an antidote uses a different version of the poison that infects you. Administer an equally potent dose of recreation, and you can begin to counteract stress’s effects. Because if you’ve worked hard enough, you deserve to play hard enough.

The problem comes when people try to cheat the system. They work really hard and only relax a little. Or they max out their vacation hours and don’t put any real work in. It’s not healthy or fun to do either of these full time. Believe it or not, both scenarios seem to drain you in one way or another.

So, if you’re going to work really hard, expect to reward yourself. Hard. It will create a positive correlation in your mind about work and perhaps keep you from procrastinating so long the next time that big project looms.

After all, it’s always important to give credit where credit is due. Especially when it’s due to you.

Seems Fake

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Have you ever seen a person when you are out and about and they just have it all going on? Their hair is slicked back, their style is on point, and they just have that swagger? Do you know that person I’m talking about?

Well, do you want to know a secret? That person is faking it. All of it.

And I don’t mean that his or her suit is fake or that his or her hair is fake. As in inauthentic. I’m saying that his or her persona is fake. As in an impersonation.

No, really. Here’s something you should always keep in mind: The entire world is engaged in one big, long poker tournament. The people who are really successful believe that they have great cards and (make others believe it too), even when they don’t. As for the rest of us? We think our cards are okay. And in both cases, we’re right.

And when you’re faking it, the only person you have to “fool” is yourself. I mean, think about it. The people on the street don’t know you. They people in the grocery store have never seen you (but they are making judgments about you when they see your grocery cart.) Even your co-workers don’t really know the real “you,” living day to day in close cubicle quarters like you are. To them, you’re just you, whatever that means. And do you know what that actually means? You can believe that you are anyone at all, and people will have to believe you. They have no reason to think you are faking being as smart, talented, or funny as you seem to be.

I mean, really, does anyone know how to be an “adult”? Do you think that you just get a briefcase and a pinstripe suit on your thirtieth birthday, and your vocabulary expands to include words like “ROI” and “401K”? No! We’re all just children playing dress up to impress people we don’t even like. And we’re succeeding at it because we’re faking it.

So, don’t even give it a second thought. Don’t worry that people may be able to see that you are faking it. Because what you’ll really find is that the more you fake it, the more you are acting exactly like the person you are and the person you’ve been all along.

Finding Peace

Bailey Gunn1 Comment

If I told you that peace can be found in a quiet room, between a stack of books at a library, in a sunlit copse of trees, on a boat in the middle of the ocean, or perhaps even in the smell of lavender or coffee, you would probably believe me, right?

Because in our minds, these are peaceful things. They seem to invite us in, they are quiet and comforting, and, whether we realize it or not, we expect them to grant their effects instantaneously. For example, wrapping your hands around a warm mug of coffee on an autumn day with the steam rising in your face is going to immediately transport you into a relaxed, if not comatose, state, is it not?

But unfortunately, peace can’t be found in a thing. It can only be found within you.

How do I know this? Well, as you know, I’m struggling to keep my blood pressure down, and one of the biggest problems I have is that I keep thinking about how high my blood pressure is. Which, as you could have guessed, raises it further (maybe if I stop talking about it every night on this blog I would see a difference?)

And if you’ve ever been told not to think about something, then I don’t have to tell you that it’s all you think about. So, knowing that I simply need to calm down and stop dwelling are two different tasks. But nonetheless, I’ve attempted to seek peace to lower my BP. I’ve hummed my favorite songs, counted my breaths, and even tried yoga positions in the shower, to no avail. I keep telling myself, All you have to do is calm down. That’s it. If you just relax, you won’t have to feel this way anymore. 

Which is all fine and good. Except, telling yourself to relax is like trying to tell an elephant not to be so large. You can’t help the way you are made. So, I have also turned to the initial methods that I described: envisioning a calm ocean, sipping on tea or coffee, and smelling lavender to distract me further. Also to no avail.

Of course, we all have a hard time realizing that peace is simply inside of us. Because we think, If I can just set the kids down for a nap or If I just take a long weekend next week or If I just drown myself in good music and good books then I can become centered and stay afloat.

But my body knows that isn’t true, and so does yours. Because the more you try to ignore your problems (like blood pressure) with meaningless images of quiet rooms or trees or situations where you can “finally” kick back, the more you stress out by trying to get there, ignoring the present moment completely. If you stop trying to find peace, ironically, you’ll find it.

Why? Because you will already be living it.